Is anybody out there???

Is anybody out there?  I need someone to talk to.  I can't sleep.  I can't turn my head off.  I want to do an intervention on my husband for compulsive spending.  I'm worried and scared and I need someone to talk to.

 

I am going crazy here. My husband just bought a new truck and tractor. We have a smart car, a prius, a toyota truck, a 1929 model A, a 1951 ford truck, a camping trailer, a utility trailer, a motorcycle hauler, a trailer that tows behind motorcycles, a boat with a trailer, and a flatbed trailer. We have tons of photography equipment, cameras, printers, tripods, hd movie cameras, small pocket cameras, computers (desktop, laptop, notebook size), printers, scanners, copiers, e-readers (5 total). We just sold our other house and the money is almost all gone. We have no savings to speak of, at least not enough to get us through a big emergency or medical issue. We need things done to fix up this house and yard. He works a 24 hour shift on Monday so is too tired to do anything on Tuesday then works another 24 hr shift on Wed so Thursday is out and Friday is spent in town all day taking his mother to appointments, grocery shopping and then to dinner. He says he will do things on Sat but ends up on the couch researching things on the computer all day. Sunday he either takes his mother to church or we watch religious programs on tv most of the day. I do all the cooking and cleaning and laundry and animal care. Yes he is allowed to rest as he works hard but I need some help and acknowledgement for what I do too. I also do most of the care for his mother as you all know from previous posts. If he isn't in front of the computer we are out and running all over creation all day which exhausts his mother, even though she only gets in and out of the car a couple of times. I am at a loss of what to do. He asks my opinion but doesn't listen to it or pay any attention to it especially if it isn't what he wants to hear. He has a reason and long explanation for why we need all this stuff. He got angry with me for wanting to trade in the smart car and refused and I had no idea he was not planning on trading in the toyota truck for the new one. He insists its for his mother but she can hardly get in the car let alone a big truck.

Idyblu
Iempathize with you. We sold most of the stuff my husband bought before he drove us to the poorhouse on Ebay (local-within 50-or 100 miles). You will have to photograph sone of it, it takes a bit of work but we sold everything we posted.

Your husband behavior sounds eerily like my husband who was finally diagnosed at the age of 61 with bipolar. He finds something interesting like phtotgraphy and the throws himself into whole hog for about 7-8 weeks and then loses interest and moves on to another expensive hobby(BUT we'll make money on this he says EVERYTIME)...his anger, resentment...does it feel like your very existence irritates him? Mine did, felt like I was walking on egg shells, never knew what he would go off about.

The inability to follow thru on plans, impulsive, almost compulsive spending, low threshold for anger, iritation, racing thoughts..all these are symptomatic of bipolar. I might be way off base, but it is a thought.

I hope the New Year's brings some peace for you...try Ebay-it really worked for us and will relieve a little stress on you...I am sorry you have so much on your plate. I think your husband will be the type who will not seek counseling (mine is off meds that helped soo much) so all you can do is take care of your self the best you can..sorry I cannot bemore help

maggie

OMG Maggie......that is EXACTLY how he is!!!!! He just seems pissed off at the whole world. Everyone is a liar and a cheat. Everyone is stupid. I feel like I shouldn't open my mouth. I'm not so sure about the racing thoughts but he has trouble shutting off his mind at night to sleep. He searches and researches until I am blue when he finds something he wants. I know that we will get it when he starts researching and we go to see what ever it is. It doesn't matter how I feel about it or what I say against it, we end up with it. He has these grandiose plans of running a photography studio and he has started writting at least three books. All of this with the intent of quitting work and having these things make up the money. Who knows how the insurance thing will get resloved. We even have a website set up to sell the pictures. He procrastinates about the darndest things and gets cheap about all the wrong things. I am at my wits end and his mother is frantic about all the money he is spending. She is worried about our future as is my mother, understanding that we are both in our 50's. And, yes, he will not seek counseling. Doesn't see the point as it doesn't help, so he says and thinks. I would love to go but cannot leave my M-I-L alone. I guess I really need to grow some (lol...sorry) and just tell him that I am going to go and he needs to stay with his mother. I have almost decided to leave him after his mother is gone but that could be years away. I don't know........ I'm just lost.

Thanks Maggie. My hubby isn't quite as explosive as yours but hostile enough. I refuse to let him see me cry. It only makes him angry anyway. I feel like I have to be Mary f-ing Sunshine all the time. Yeah, sand candles, lol. We have been through the ideas of photography, fixing up old cars, house remodeling, campsite host, cruise dive instructor/paramedic and owning own ambulance service. Thank goodness we didn't do the cruise one. I might have thrown him overboard! lol!! Most of the time I do ok ignoring his rantings but sometimes I just want to walk out the door and keep walking. Tomorrow is my birthday and I am dreading it. I know my daughter will call, probably my mother but not my son. Won't have friends call as I have none. He did give me a book I had been wanting just before Christmas and gave me a Nook Color e-reader for Christmas. Probably will just go somewhere for dinner tomorrow after going to the dentist. yay, dentist, not. Kudos to your daughter for doing so well in school. Hope she can break the cycle when she gets out in the world. I did look at one of the sites Karen mentioned and will look at the other one soon. Hang in there lady!!!!! We will figure out how to get through all this someday!! Thanks for the ear and mine is here for you also. It does feel good to not feel so alone. :)

Hi Idyblu,

I hope you are having a wonderful birthday!!! I read your posts and you may also want to try craigslist... it is like an online classified ad for your area. It didn't seem like anyone had suggested that just yet. If they did, well then great minds think alike!

Hope it has been a wonderful day for you!

Courtney

It sounds like he is very controlling. You don't deserve that. You need some freedom for yourself. Make an appointment with a counselor for yourself. He can't be in your sessions. It is just for you and the counselor. I use to have a very controlling husband. He kept me under his thumb. It is no fun. And tempts you to do things that you wouldn't nromally do becaue you wnat a life so badly. Keep posting here. It will help. But I highly recommend counseling for you.

Hugs, Karen