Think im depressed????

but there is noone i can talk to without them realising just how pathetic i actually am.

I'm at college and im messing up big time, im just not bothering to go in or do my assignments, and while my tutor is being so nice and supportive she will eventually lose patience and give up all together.

i am a very affectionate person and i feel things very deeply, ive never picked the right friends so i set myself up to be used. i get very attatched to people i havent known for very long so when they leave my heart breaks because they dont seem to care as much as i do.

my dad is a emotianally abusive alcoholic and my mum while clearly loves me is never around. i prefer fantasy to real life and my relationships and college work suffer so i can sleep and daydream or read or listen to music.

I used to have panic attacks regularly, now i cant even muster the emotional energy to care about anything enough to panic, then i worry that not caring is screwing me up big time.

Ive recently realised im a lesbian and cant even begin to imagine telling my family, and im currently in love with my tutor.

I'm unhappy with the way my life is and worry that i'm throwing it away.  i binge drink on my own and i binge eat 

i realise that this is a lot of info i just thought it would be best to put as much in as possible.

am i screwed up am i depressed or am i just plain pathetic? i really need help because i don't know what im capable of.

I had to remove one sentence in your post as we aren't allowed to talk about self harm...  Thanks for understanding...

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 1/12/2012 6:49:45 AM (GMT-7)

Hey angel

You need to find a counselor and possibly some meds.I have MDD and my teenage dtr ewas reccently dxd w/ depression too. She had been a good student, her grades plummetted, she either slept or was soirritable or sad or didin't care. She is doing better spirit wise and school wise since starting on med and cousnseling

College is especially hard transition fpr many people. As far as friends go, you are probably a people pleaser and just want to be liked. iused to do that and befriend people who had no interests in common or were jjust not nice....find a club with people of common interests. As far as the lesbianism, many young poeple experiment in college, it is not always what you think...just because you have a crush on your tutor does not make you a lesbian...if you are really one, hold your head high and don't get involved with the wrong crowd. There are lesbians and then there are lesbians, if you know what I mean.

The self-hurt has to stop..please get some help right away!! Your school should have medical facilities and there are hotlines that are really good

You aare having a tought im, but I'm glad you wrote, that does help and keep posting...I care about you
maggie

Wow!! thank you soo much you are both very supportive and just reading your replies made me feel a bit more positive. I know i need help. meds didnt even occur to me but it doesnt sound like a bad idea. now its just drumming up the confidence to actually go and see someone, i'll work on it. i'll try. it's just hard alot of the time!

Thanks so much for your support though x

we do care. with healing compassion to you, jamie.

i am i therapy and it helps me greatly.

Hey back!

I am so proud of you...that is a great first step!!! I think talking to strangers is easier anyway, cause there is not all that baggage attached.

Please keep in mind that anti depressants can take up to 4-6 weeks to take FULL effect, so do not get discouraged. Celexa (citalopram) is a long time proven antid...if yo feel NO improvement in about 3 weks go back to doc for an increase or change. It might take alittle time, it is frustrating but find a counselor and keep taking meds

You have done a terrific thing for yourself-let us know

Maggie

so after the great first step i made... i messed up, of course im not taking the medication prescribed to me, i havent gone to classes, just spent the last 3 hours crying in the toilet  after hearing that my tutor doesnt think this is the right course for me... i don't know what to do or what to think all i know is that if i went to sleep and didnt wake up! it wouldnt necessarily be a bad thing.. maybe evry1 would be better off without me, i mean its not like i'm any fun to be around??? i cant think straight. i'm so unhappy and i don't know why!!!

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 1/26/2012 7:50:04 AM (GMT-7)

I just dont see the point! why bother i dont know what to say or think or do im really struggling !!! whats the point!!!!

Don't give up Angel,

Know we are here for you...