Posted 1/14/2012 2:06 PM (GMT 0)
I was answering this via email Jess, but will post it here, this may help someone else that may be going through what you are, so I will post my answer here. Thanks for asking me the question Jess, I will always answer you honestly, I will support you, you may not like my answer, but I will give you my reasoning as well.
Ok, in my honest opinion, to answer the question on what I think I think you should do about the mess with your Step Mum.
Though to you it seems unresonable and unfair, she has very good reason for not wanting you to place yourself back into that environment. If I was your Mum, I would be making the same call. For this reason, your birth Mum has not made choices with your best interests in mind throughout your childhood, in fact, she has caused you alot of hurt and you have damage from the things she has said and not done for you. If I had you in my care, I would not allow you to be in that environment as it is unsafe for you. Mum can come home from work if she knows you are coming around. If I had you in my care, I would at this early stage arrange meetings in a mutual place like McDonalds, where you can catch up with your Brother and his partner and baby, and know that you are safe. People tend to behave and not cause trouble if they are in a public place. So, as I said, though it seems un-fair to you, I think your Step Mum has your best interests in mind, and perhaps you are not used to someone doing that for you Jess, you have always had to make all the calls in your life, but now you have people that hold knowledge and they are now parenting you in a safe way. You would have done most of your Peranting yourself growing up Jess, now you can let go, and let others make the adult decisions and you can learn how to be a kid again. That was taken from you Jess, and you can now reclaim that. When people give us boundries, that is to keep us safe and to to build up trust. You may not know it yet, but even as a Teen, you feel safer in this world as long as you understand clearly what the boundries are that you have to live within.
This is very much early days Jess, and trust needs to be rebuilt, I think your Step Mum is scared you could be hurt again, and she won't be there to protect you. She needs to know that you will be safe. She is doing her best to pick up the pieces. I know it seems unfair for you right now, but be patient and try and see where she may be coming from, I strongly suspect, even though she puts on a tough exterior, inside she softer than you have learn't yet. I think she doesn't trust your birth Mum not too hurt you, and this is why she made the call she has.