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I'm looking here and there and can't find a place I belong

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Posted 4/14/2005 2:01 AM (GMT 0)
My major problem has been depression, I think - so I decided to write here.  I also regularly read the fibromyalgia board and another board for borderline personalities.  So, I've looked there, there, and here and don't find a place where I belong.  Not just boards but in life...

I don't recall ever feeling so many low lows in my life (I'm 47).  It used to be I was always pretty flat in my depression - I knew I had trouble having fun so that was what got me to a therapist the first time about 15 years ago.  All my life though, I think I've been a pretty straight line a few degrees below everyone else.  I hope that makes sense.

But lately it is changing....I'm having lows that are pretty low sometimes.  I think a lot about what one thread here says I can't talk about.  I want to or do cry, which has been a VERY rare occurance for me since childhood.  I don't want to work and I'm a workaholic. 

I also don't feel good.  Nauseous, aches, pains, tiredness. 

I'm sorry I'm not being very communicative but it is the best I can do right now.  I don't even know what I want or why I'm writing....maybe someone else does.  I'm also very lonely. 

so sorry,

Emi

Posted 4/14/2005 2:38 AM (GMT 0)
Welcome Emi,

First of all the "s" word is better out than in. I added a link yesterday . . . go to the second topic on the depression forum, which is "Depression Resources" click on that and then the second post in that topic is a website for a Suicide Hotline. It looks like a promissing site AND there is an 800 number you can call 24 hours.

I thought you expressed yourself well. Although I'm not sure how to help. You really do need to find a doctor you click with. If you were in the fibro forum, you may have some chronic illness which has been lurking for ages. I saw a post recently for lymes too which is said to be overlooked. If I find it, I will paste a copy in a post in this thread.

I'm sorry you are feeling so poorly right now. When you can't even muster up the energy to go to work, there IS a problem. I sure hope you will call that 800 number as they are trained to help and we are not.

I'll look for a couple things to add here.

Blessings!
Posted 4/14/2005 2:41 AM (GMT 0)

Lime Disease link at HealingWell- Lupus forum

https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=29&m=231062&g=231958#m231958

Posted 4/14/2005 2:50 AM (GMT 0)
Suicide Hot Line - available via the web:

National Suicide Hotline Numbers :

1-800-SUICIDE
1-800-784-2433

http://suicidehotlines.com/national.html
Posted 4/14/2005 3:57 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Emi
Welcome to the forum. I found this site only recently but it has been a Godsend in so many ways.
I can relate to your experiences, and can understand the feelings of not being interested/bothered about things that usually excite me. Take the advice above, get some medical advice and use the helplines if you can.

I've been where you are right now - I planned my overdose for 4 months before taking action. Thank the Good Lord I was unable to complete my attempt. The effect my actions had on my husband, sons and close friends was devestating and has only given me more to beat myself up with - it didn't solve the problems either.

No matter how bleak things seem please believe me when I say that the support you need is out there you only need to ask. As for feeling lonely - this site is always there and people respond and more importantly truly understand what you are going thro.

Hang in there and keep us up to date with your progress - oh, and never apologise for posting - you are now part of a family that cares for you!

Love and hugs

Stumpytroll
Posted 4/14/2005 4:57 PM (GMT 0)
Adding my welcome. I would suggestthat you go and get some help again with your feelings of apathy towards life. I know that I have felt this in the recent past and some changes to my medication have helped. Please know that all belong here who wish to be here. Please keep us posted on how you are doing.
Posted 4/14/2005 8:05 PM (GMT 0)
Hello SweetEmi,

I wonder how you are fealing today???? Please post (good or bad) and let us know how things are going. Is there something we can help you with??

Blessings!
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