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Posted 2/3/2012 7:50 PM (GMT 0)
Hi
I'm Nick
I have clinical depression, touch of bipolar and social anxiety....all wrapped up as 'treatment resistant'.
I've had problems most my life but managed thru till a breakdown 5-6 years ago. Financially stable since surprisingly not going into work at my own business it has somehow survived! Since I've been yo-yoing between getting a bit better..... not getting better...more meds...... & more meds! Hope......then no hope. I really tried very hard to help myself. But last two years have just got progressively worse.

Tired of it all, just haven't got hardly anything left in me anymore, to try again, it's too hard. So often just can't get up...what for, what's the point.... an all that? Friends fell by the wayside and family can only take so much.....you worry your'll lose them too.
You can't blame anyone but no one, even the psych's, just don't know what it feels like...do they.

I looked for a forum that seems active, helpful and caring and wondered if having contact with somebody who has similar problems might help? Someone you can empathise with, share feelings with (but not overly burden each other) and lot's of general chat. Like a pen pal (email pal)!!! Someone to correspond with, say once a day? I've never contributed to any forums or chat rooms nor with an email pal before! So I don't know if it'll work out for the both of us.
(Nothing personal but I'm not sure I could do it with another male!! Nor somebody pushy about religion. That's all.)
.

Nick.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 2/3/2012 1:39:40 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 2/3/2012 8:38 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Nick,

Welcome to the forum. I am going to delete your email address because on the open forum, it is not safe to post it. You can put it in your profile and only members will see it. I don't know if you have done that yet, but go to "my profile" and add it there. It is just not recommended to post it on the open forum for everybody in the world to see. Just looking out for you...

Treatment resistant depression is the pits. We have others here with the same issues. So you aren't alone. We do try to support and be there for eachother here, so you have joined a great forum. You will find that out soon.

I hope that you stick around and keep posting. Have you thought about ketamine treatments? I heard that they work, for a shorter period of time though. But you are suppose to start feeling better rather quickly. I guess it is interveinious, or injections, I am not sure which.

I do meditation, that helps me a lot. Plus do a lot of walking and exercising. That seems to help me feel better. I am on pristiq, abilify and xanax. And the combination woriks rather well. I have been in remission from my depression for a long time now. Just hope it continues.

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. I want to welcome you again. Thanks for sharing your story.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 2/3/2012 8:51 PM (GMT 0)
I have updated my profile so that other members can view my email address, as recommended by Karen

So here we go .........if anyone's up for it .......feel free to email me.

Thanks

Nick
Posted 2/3/2012 10:23 PM (GMT 0)
Don't be surprised if people do respond to you here instead of email. I guess that is what we are use to. Not that people wont email you, some probably will. We also have a chatroom that people usually use in the evenings, so feel free to check that out. I hope you have the correspondence that you are wanting.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 2/3/2012 11:09 PM (GMT 0)
welcome nick, jamie.
Posted 2/4/2012 3:37 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Nick,

Try watching the movie "The secret". When im really bummed out and feel like never getting up again, i flip it on. Its on netflix. Its kinda corney, but the message is really good, and i try to stick to having a positive outlook all the time cause life feels better, even when im bed ridden i focus on the idea that it will all get better. anyway, check the movie, deffinatly a possitive mood enhancment genre!
Posted 2/4/2012 4:48 AM (GMT 0)
Maybe a psychologist might help you better with some aspects of your depression and
learning relaxation techinques can be of benefit...it's kinda a pick and choose type situation
with just finding that one good relaxation cd, but once you've got that then maybe half the battle
is won...Keeping a positive outlook is so very hard...(sorry about typos I have RA in My hands)
I agree with gettingby Karen more people might respond better to you here in the forum than in e-mails
as sometimes e-mail you can still get viruses...the chat room is good, just pop in...
many many well wishes to you and do keep us posted as we do care...
Posted 2/4/2012 2:12 PM (GMT 0)
Hey all,
Thanks for your friendly welcoming and suggestions. That's nice.
I find it hard to believe that other people, zilliions of internet miles away, can relate to how I feel & amazed that you have taken the trouble to respond to me. I'm a bit taken back by it....I didn't think anyone would reply.
I've never had any contact with anyone with similar issues before....just 'normal' people who just look at you 'that way' and offer meaningless commiserations.

The problem for me a the moment is that I'm very low, that I can't motivate myself to do anything at all really...can't see the point of it all.....all the worse for being here so many times before...I just feel I haven't got in me to keep on trying.
I can't even be bothered to try, to try!! I actually want to be sad some of the time.
I just want to huddle up and sleep it all away.

I'm probably gonna do that right now.
(Not sure but I think I feel a bit uplifted.)

Thanks
Nick
Posted 2/4/2012 3:05 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Nick,

Are you going to any counseling or taking any meds? These things could help you. When I first got fibromyalgia, I was in bed for almost two years. It was so depressing. I didn't have energy nor care about being awake. I wouldn't go to the door or answer the phone. I totally isolated myself. I am a lot better now, with the proper medications I can function. I do have to take a stimulant to be able to function day to day, but it sure does help.

I really hope that you start to feel better soon. Isolating is no way to live, but it takes time and work to get above it. Keep posting here. Others will give you some good advice.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 2/4/2012 5:23 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Karen
I've been seeing psychiatrists, (they move on, change every year or less!), regularly for 5-6 years. I had appointment this week but wasn't up to it so telephoned instead.
I've been on loads of diff meds. Presently on Lithium, Lamotrigine, Venlafaxine (- which I'm very slowly discontinuing but doing so has been causing horrendous nausea and headaches etc) and Fluoxetine to help come off the Venlafaxine. Then replacing Venlafaxine I'll be going on Agomelatine!
Years back I had lots of psychology ..cognitive, behavioural...but it never ever had any lasting effect. In hindsight I think it just staved off potential breakdowns.
Last year signed up and was interviewed for (psychoanalytical) psychotherapy...awaiting decision.

Maybe new meds will help but that's weeks away and may not anyway.

For me there seems to be no rhyme or reason to it all....why can you be so low that you have no will to live, no motivation, no interests, desires, passion.... just nothing.... so that your left with two choices...one the Lithium has mostly stopped me feeling, the other is just a waiting game.
I'm so gettin fed up with the 'waiting game' !

Good to hear from you.
Nick
Posted 2/4/2012 8:10 PM (GMT 0)
Nick -- I am new here, too. I had been stable on Effexor 150XR for about six years until my downward spiral began in Fall 2010. I struggled on my own for a while, finally seeking a regular talk therapy routine last May and initiating a medicine switch to Cymbalta, a switch that I'm in the middle of now.

My psych (who is different than the LPC I see for talk therapy) has me on a "conservative taper," amping down the Effex and bringing up the Cym week by week. Tomorrow is my last day on Effex; Monday starts the full Cym routine.

I have had plenty of ups and downs the last year, but during this medicine switch, I have been battling mightily just to drag my behind out of bed every day. I, too, work from home and my income has suffered significantly as a result. This morning I puttered around the kitchen and felt like I'd climbed a mountain. Why do the simplest tasks seem to tax our energy so much??

Anyway, just wanted to say hello and let you know you're definitely not alone. I just try to remember that I need to put one foot in front of the next and move forward the best I can.

Jess
Posted 2/4/2012 9:35 PM (GMT 0)
Jess ...thanks for your post.

I too felt that the Effexor 225XR I was on for some years was a good med but as I was taking bad downturns last 2 years my psych said that Effexor's effect can deteriorate after time so could be best to change. Trouble is, as you know, when you are taking various meds at the same time you cannot tell what is successful, helpful or causing a problem, or even if it's just you affecting your moods!!!!

Three months ago when I first reduced the Venlafaxine/Effexor I was really very ill....my Psych had no understanding......I researched it about a month ago and suggested to him to temporarily take Fluoxetine as it can severely reduce the withdrawal effects, which he agreed. It helped straight away, I still had migraines and nausea but much more manageable.
I've been off Effexor for 12 days now with decreasing symptoms.

Your right it's catch 22, the less we do the more mountains we have to climb, making even the simplest tasks difficult.

Your not alone either Jess. I'm glad to hear your feeling positive today....what's an LPC by the way.

Take care
Nick
Posted 2/4/2012 10:03 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Jess,

Welcome to the depression forum. I am so glad that you have joined us.

Nick, I am glad that going off effexor has been okay for you. I went off once, bad story. But the last time I went off, I went on pristiq and they are closely related so the transition was easy. I am happy for that.

I hope that you both had a good day today.

Keep posting...

Hugs, Karen
Posted 2/4/2012 10:20 PM (GMT 0)
The hardest thing sometimes is to keep going from day to day, but suicide is not an option and
you have to take that out as an option, there is no easy way out...ever...so make
it a conscious effort everyday to be in the world, yes this can be hard, but maybe make a journal
and try to write one good thing down a day, no negatives at all...or maybe try each day to help someone
out, like maybe holding a door open for someone, (I appreciate that) or say Thank you to someone
or a simple bless you to someone that sneezes, it might make them stop and in turn do something
good for someone else...But keep positive, and maybe once your on your new medicine Agomelatine
you be feeling a lot more better....many many well wishes ...
Posted 2/5/2012 8:08 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for your kind words and advice, Chartruex.
I have done journals before but recording moods, which was negative I suppose. So I'll start today just writing one positive thing a day. That's some thing I could do right now.
The other suggestions are really hard at the moment because I'm trapped in that 'just can't be bothered to do anything, can't see the point of it all' syndrome.
Sometime, years ago I had maybe 9 months to a year of being relatively stable but because I wasn't totally happy and still felt somewhat depressed I pushed the Psych I had then, to change my meds; (Can't remember what they were...had so many types!). I really regret that. I would trade anything to go back to that.
Thanks again, I hope your well presently.
Nick
Posted 2/5/2012 8:46 AM (GMT 0)
good move nick. one positive thing a day. i would write more but i am a bit of a mess. i see my therapist monday. with healing compassion to you, jamie.
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