Loner

Hello, Life, a Maze, and welcome to the Depression Forum,

Are you ready for the "nitty-gritty" of this person's behavior?

1. Games are engaged in by ineffectual people and they are destructive to people who engage in them. So he has at least one strike against him already.

2. Ineffectual people may be ones who have no consciences (one in every 25 people has no conscience--they are sociopaths). They do not recover and are not candidates for psychotherapy because therapy only makes them more cunning in their techniques. And they do not change.

3. He may be a narcissist, in which case he will drain you of all your energy with his ploys, then leave you without blinking an eye, because he is constantly seeking more "narcissistic supply" from new sources. He wilts without it. If he is continuing to contact you, it is because you have served effectively to supply some basic need he has that hasn't been completely fulfilled by the others he has used to supply his very, very weak ego.

4. My best advice is to get out of any association with him at all. That will be painful and difficult, but it will save you years of happy living with someone who is gentle, considerate of your feelings, loving, and affectionate, and most of all, faithful. These characters described above are not capable of that in their lives.

That's the truth, difficult as it is to accept. I hope you are able to get help for yourself to recover your self-regard. Psychotherapy is especially helpful in re-building your sense of inner security and happiness. Try to move on in your life.

There are some interesting sites on the web for people who have been taken advantage of by narccissists or sociopaths, or psychopaths, so you might find some ideas there to help you through if you can't afford to see a psychiatrist right away. I'd always choose a psychiatrist for help in these cases, however.

Good wishes on an early recovery and new and kinder life.

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 2/16/2012 2:33:32 PM (GMT-7)

time to take care of you. with much healing compassion, jamie

I can understand how you feel, Life, a Maze,

The characters I described are capable of fooling even the very best and most well-educated personalities. And they have done so in major business areas in life as well as in damaging people's psyches with whom they come in contact, so please don't feel that you are alone in this.  It can take years to recognize them as

deceitful and dishonest, etc.  But a change will come in time for

the victim's feelings.  You've already experienced it by knowing that you don't want to have a long-term relationship with him.  In that respect you are fortunate to have realized something radically wrong very early in the relationship.  (That's a big credit to your intelligence.)

For sites to search, I would suggest Forums on Narcississm.com or Forums on Psychopath.com.   There are others, as well, so just

stroll through some for more information.

Then, for learning about the personality of the psychopath, search for Dr. Hare's list of psychopathic characteristics. You may find it under the website psychopathic character traits.com. (Dr. Hare is considered the world's most recognized authority on psychopathy and he has written several books on the subject. You might find one of them interesting. The first one was "Without Conscience"--a very amazing little book.) Look at Wikipedia.encyclopedia.com for narcissism;that will help you with that particular personality disorder.

Both the narcissist and the psychopath are capable of having multiple relationships at the same time: one going out; the current one, and a new one coming in.  That's really a dreadful thing to accept.  (They may be subject, as well, to drug abuse.)  Really charming people, aren't they?  The truth is they may appear that way in the beginning. (See Dr. Hare, again.)

Take care and get the help you feel you need. Everyone who experiences the damage of a psychopath or narcissist needs therapy to overcome the tragedy.

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 2/17/2012 11:21:41 AM (GMT-7)

And keep coming back, Life,a Maze, as you have questions arising. Someone on the forum will know about an appropriate answer for
anything that still bothers you about this.

Your curiosity about these personality disorders will lead to  a far greater understanding of what they do, how they do it, and how they think they can get away with it.

If there were another subject of human behavior that you wanted to know about, you could learn very much about it in this day and age with all the information on the net. Otherwise, we all learn by living life and meeting people along the way--some nice, some not-so nice.

Life is going to teach you all about these things,too.

Good wishes for a healthy life.

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 2/17/2012 3:27:11 PM (GMT-7)

Jamie is right about that, Life, A Maze, not even the more injurious of personality disorders are malignant. There are all ranges of behavior levels in narcissistic and psychopathic personalities; these are just two of the more harmful types to other people, primarily because they cause so much personal injury and damage to victims when the disorder is severe.

Although they are often successful in some ways, they may also end in tragic circumstances when the illness is discovered.

It's Genetic

Jamie you are an amazing human being, in spite of all the crap that has been thrown at you, you are a loving, compassionate man...I don't know how many of us could hold on as well as you have

Love you-never forget that!!

Maggie

Maze, when I began my posts I had in mind only two personality disorders: the narcissistic and the psychopathic (now referred to as the sociopathic personality). I really know almost NOTHING about other personality disorders, so I most definitely was not referring to anyone on this forum who has a personality disorder.

Sorry if that information was understood incorrectly.

I.G.

It's okay, Maze, I knew it wasn't you who might be offended. I thought perhaps I had offended Jamie since he has a personality disorder, but I had no intention of doing that. He has had such a difficult time in his life and is one of the favorites on the forum. I was concerned about the statement that he had been handed so much "crap" in his life. That concerned me regarding my threads.

All's well that ends well, huh?

It's Genetic

Awwwwh!! so much of misunderstanding here guys! Come on we love each other and here to spread love and comfort each other. I'm sure none of us mean to be rude or hurt each other in anyway. So no worries and misunderstandings people! Love to all! Stay blessed!

with much healing compassion to all. jamie.