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I don't believe I have depression?

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Depression
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Posted 2/19/2012 6:58 PM (GMT 0)
I am 16 and have been diagnosed with depression. The thing is, I don't think I have depression at all. I experience mood swings; I can go from being anxious, to suicidal, to talkative, to happy, to agitated, to depressed, to excited, to hopeless, all in one day. It is so overwhelming. I feel like there is a gaping hole inside of me that needs to be filled with something something something, anything, all the time. So I am very reckless and do stupid stuff because I feel so empty all the time. It's the same with relationships. I can go from withdrawing to everyone and pushing everyone away, to being clingy and not wanting to be on my own. Everything is just so backwards and messed up and I am so overwhelmed. I don't feel depressed, just very unstable and out of control.

I stopped going to therapy and taking meds because every time I started a new anti d I went into a manic episode and had to come off them again. I feel my psych has just diagnosed me with the first most obvious thing before ruling out other diagnosis and doesn't really listen when I tell her about the mood swings. She thinks they're normal. But I feel differently.

I don't really know what to do anymore. I have given up with school and recovery because I feel no one understands. I don't want to say this to my psych because then she'll think I don't trust her and I am self diagnosing. Does anyone have any advice for me?

-tara
Posted 2/19/2012 7:34 PM (GMT 0)
Hello tara, i am a mom of a 13 year old girl i try to be her friend since i am also very young i had her when i was 20. So i think being a teenager has lot to do with your feelings and mood swings but find a person that can listen to you and can give you advice withouth judging. (sorry for my english i am from europe)
Please think about what you want to be when you grow up and this may lead you to control your thoughts into the right direction. I always talk to my daughter that way and hoping that this will take her to become a good person and fulfilled and happy with her life.

Take care and have positive thoughts.
Hugs Bianca
Posted 2/19/2012 8:44 PM (GMT 0)
It kind of sounds like you are already manic because you seem to be having severe mood swings. The first med that you try doesn't always work. It takes sometimes many changes to find the right medication. Don't give up yet, your doc has to try different meds before they find what is right for you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 2/19/2012 9:27 PM (GMT 0)
But I thought being manic meant you had euphoric moods etc for days, sometimes even weeks? These mood swings are very rapid and can change in minutes. I have tried quite a few different medications and I become very manic and a danger to myself and to others when on them. I am scared of going on medication again because I don't want to hurt myself or anyone else. But if I don't go on medication there is no chance of recovery. I just don't know what to do!!
Posted 2/19/2012 9:38 PM (GMT 0)
Have you ever thought of trying meditation? Maybe if this is just moods, you can alter them yourself by practicing meditation. You will be in control. There are many sites on it if you just google it. I was looking the other day. I practice it a lot and it helps me to calm down and fall asleep when I need it to. Think about it, and I don't know if I have already welcomed you to the forum, but incase I haven't, "welcome"...

Have you talked to the doctor about a mood stabilizer? Have you ever tried one before? I take abilify and it really helps me. A lot. But I would look into the meditation. Also there is a book on cognative therapy that might help you called "feeling good". I found it on Amazon rather cheap. I got a used one, but it was like new.

I hope that this helps some to give you some options as to what you can do. I find walking helps a lot too. It helps with my moods, and vitamin D3 helps me a lot.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 2/19/2012 9:42 PM (GMT 0)
           when a doc tries diff.meds and a person gets too anxious and manic,has severe mood swings throughout the day,they are usually bi-polar and the meds need to be changed. Sometimes depression itself can cycle rapidly during the day without meds. If you have had this doc for awhile you may need a new med and a new doc. I am sorry you are in pain and I think the pain associated with this disease is worse than a correct med that the body needs. If you are under 21y/o you may need a pediatric psychiatrist because   They dose and medicate differently than an adult psychiatrist. turn I know how the rollercoaster feels and you need to get off,however, if a doc gives you a med you have been on for a while he/she needs to wean you off because if you go cold turkey, you can feel much worse and crash.even if you think it makes you feel better. I have had numerous docs and have had to weed them out until I found a great doc who really knew her stuff. Perseverance is the key.
Posted 2/19/2012 9:56 PM (GMT 0)
But I don't have the energy to do it anymore. I feel so drained and I don't have the fight in me to get better any more... I just feel so tired of the mood swings. I don't even think I need medication or therapy as I don't even believe I have what they diagnosed me with. I've lost all faith in psych's, and now I'm stuck. Sometimes it feels like there's only one way out.

Thanks for all the replies.
Posted 2/20/2012 12:03 AM (GMT 0)
Fadingstar, at the risk of sounding harsh, it sounds like you are giving up to me. You know that something isn't right, you need to find out what it is. Whether it is depression or something else. If you are really tired, you might have chronic fatigue syndrome. If you are having pain it could be too, or fibromyalgia. Don't give up. You owe it to yourself to keep trying. I know it sometimes sounds like the doc isn't listening. Then find one who does. I have been through many medications and doctors until I was lucky enough to find one who listened. I take a lot of meds, but we found thr right combinations. A good therapist is hard to beat also. They give us direction in our lives, and can really help you to find a good doctor. There are many options out there. Keep looking. Don't give up on us.

Hugs, Karen
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