I am confused, boyfriend with depression

Hello everyone. I am new here and I think this is a good way to help other people with useful information.

I would like to share my story, and maybe receive some advice.

I am 21 years old, from Europe. I met this guy over the internet. I never really liked meeting guys that way because i didn't find it interesting, but it happened. So I met this guy, from the U.S. We started talking everyday on skype, for 3 months. We ended up loving each other. I should say I have never loved anyone before I met him. So, everything was great. We were planning on meeting this summer, and we planned a lot of things to do together, we even talked about marrying each other. I know it sounds crazy, but I have never felt like this with anyone else.

I don't have a job at the moment, I graduated from university 8 months ago, and I am having those thoughts about "what am I doing with my life". I am kinda depressed. I am going to therapy. But it's nothing severe. This guy is really depressed. He hates living in his house, his family is not supportive, he has lived a couple of very traumatic events. His family dones't have a lot of money, so he can't afford going to a therapist, although he has mentioned several times he would like to go to one. He is also ill and can't afford to go to the doctor and take tests. His only friend betrayed him a month ago and that affected him too. He is 18 so he is very young to deal with all that.

Anyways, we were talking and having a good time this past 3 months. We love each other. Then we started having little fights and he suddenly stopped talking to me. Then we talked twice a week for 5 minutes. He told me it was nothing to be with me, but he was feeling really depressed lately and he didn't want to talk to anyone. I told him I just wanted to help him, and I supported him in everything. I felt like he didn't care about me anymore. He acted completely different, like very cold and distant. I didn't understand what was going on, and I kept asking him. He got really mad about me asking all the time what was happening, and he stopped talking to me for more days. Then another day he would get online and tell me he missed me and he loved me, and then get angry again because I asked him what was wrong again. He suddenly became obsessed with joining the marines, I think it is because that's the only way he can afford going to school and having a health insurance, and also is a way of changing his life in a completely different way. He mentioned it when we met, but now he is really obssesed with it. He told me a couple of months ago that if when we meet this summer, things work out betweet us two, he wouldn't join the marines so we could spend time with each other.

Three days ago, he got online, and he told me that he didn't want to have a girlfriend while he was in the marines, and he basically told me that he didn't want to have a relationship with me. I asked him why, and he said "if you can't stop bringing this **** up everytime we talk, I'm done" and then he got really mad, said how depressing his life was and told me "**** you, don't email me or skype me" and then he left.

I am 100% sure he just said that because he is really depressed, not because he really means it. I know he loves me to death. And I love him too. The thing is that he deleted me from skype and blocked me from hotmail, and now I can't comunicate with him. I sent him an email apologizing, and telling him I wanted to help and support him. He didn't answer.

Now, reading your posts here, I am starting to understand better the situation. All the people here say that when their partners are depressed they tend to isolate themselves and they seem like a completely different person. I know my situation sounds stupid for some people, with all the internet relationship thing, but my love for him is real. I am just very confused right now and I don't know how to understand him and the situation. Is it normal for a depressed person to treat like that to the person they love?

Thanks a lot for reading the whole post and sorry because it was too long.

-Coconutpancakes.

Many guys find it very difficult to put their feelings into words. If his family is not supportive, then he was probably taught to bottle things up. By questioning him, you are asking him to do something difficult by explaining his feelings, which will increase his stress and pain.

He probably likes talking to you as a way of getting away from the real world - a way to forget his problems and just enjoy his conversations with you. When you start to bring up the problems he's dealing with, you are making him remember all of the pain and will make it hard for him to want to spend time talking to you and he will instead look for other ways to escape.

He is young and looking for something to do with his life, happiness, health, etc. This is a very stressful and confusing age, especially with poor health and coming from financial difficulty.

Give him some space, and when he wants to talk to you, try to make the conversations fun and caring rather than focusing on what is going on with him. If he wants to share, he will. But it sounds to me like he enjoys escaping with you, rather than confiding in you.