WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?

Well I saw my HCP today and she has decided to up some of my meds and was sorry to hear about the ketamine situation. As honest as she is, she looked at me and said "I don't know what more we can do for your depression because of it's complexity. We spoke about the Amen Clinic several states away and how that would be a blessing for me. They specialize in "brain complexity and the specific area of damage or loss of blood flow or even where it is lacking in chemical balance and that way the specific drugs or technique for that area of the brain is found. The only problem is that the scan that shows that information costs $5,000 not to mention getting there and back. We all know the possibility of that happening in my life.

I have an appointment tomorrow with the doctor that put in my VNS to have it taken out because of the severe pain and aching I am having. It has gotten to the point where I cannot lift my left arm up without it moving out of place and pulling on the scar tissue that surrounds it. If it is taken out then maybe somehow I can win the lottery and have the scan done that should have been done years ago and my life may have been so different. Now that I am so sick I can barely function enough to keep my house clean, there is a chance that this darn thing may be able to be taken out. But then what happens, where do I go.........

You guys I am really having a hard time finding reasons to stay afloat in this world that seems to be nothing but hell for me. I have made promises to people I love that I would be strong but they dont see the daily struggle and hell I go through to keep those promises. After all, how many promises have I broken to put me in the place I am today........really?

Hi guys once again the original not disappeared to nowhere so let me try to remember what I said. My VNS is going to be taken out 4/10 day before my birthday,doesent matter I will be alone anyway, don't even have anyone to take me to have it done, what a sad life I have.

This bout of sadness is not going away and it is making my life so hard. I have a facebook account which is public. I found some thought provoking pics on a site and if you are interested I would like to share them with you. Look for teresa roop greenlief. My profile is pretty boring but these are interesting.

well as my luck would have it I caught a terrible chest/sinus infection. I woke up Sunday morning and was so congested I cried. I hate not being able to breathe. So I called my surgeon today to see if they are going to reshedule me or what. They havent called me back yet. I am still looking for someone to take me to the hospital for my surgery but still dont have anyone. Maybe it will be good if they reschedule it, would give me a little more time to find someone. All I know is I am miserable.

I hope you can put aside your sadness and just celebrate the moment tomorrow knowing that you are loved and cared for by so many. I know exactly how you feel and I know you are strong and will fight this depression - you have all of us to hold you up.

Teresa,

You and your daughter are both so beautiful. And you look so happy in that picture. Thank you for sharing. I wish that you could have that smile all the time. You have a lot of inner beauty too. It shows.

By the way, how did you post your pic on the forum? I can't seem to do it.

I am so tired today. Went grocery shopping. It doesn't take much to tire me out. Keep posting Teresa.

Hugs, Karen

fyi: Kitt posted the birthday greeting.  But I am wishing the same for you too!!!

Check with the hospital and see if there are any volunteers there. What about your daughter? does she live close by? There is often people who do home health care and that might help you. I don't know for sure what you would look under though. Maybe just home health care. I hope you find somebody. Even if they just got you home and somebody else could stay with you. check around. Best wishes Teresa. I want you to get this surgery done. Like I said, the hospital may know of volunteers that would help you.

Hugs, Karen

Try looking it up under "companion service". We have one called "CenterPeace Home& Companion Service" Excellent group to assist
you--even in driving you to the hospital. May cost something, however, but it may be necessary for you to have that. Perhaps your insurance would cover it if your doctor ordered it.

Take good care of yourself, and I hope your surgery turns out to be

the best thing to happen in a long time for you.

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 4/15/2012 4:03:23 PM (GMT-6)

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. Where do you live? I'm in St. Louis, MO area. If your anywhere around I would take you to your appt.

Hey Teresa,

How have you been? I hope that things are getting better for you. As I remember, you were having a really hard time before...

Know a lot of us are still around. Check out the "daily check in thread" if you feel like it, a lot of us connect there...

Hugs Karen...

Glad to have you back...

Hey Teresa,

It is nice to have you back... I hope that the EMSAM patches work well for you. I know you have tried most everything. You do sound better though... I think so anyway, and I am happy for that...

I Hope that you have a good night, I am going to watch the boob tube for awhile and then go to bed. I have been an early riser lately so I get tired early. I like mornings, they are nice and quiet. But I go to bed before nine. Ha!!! We have snow now. It was snowing tonight. But it was rather warm today. Well, not warm, but not really cold either... Damp though...

Take care and do keep posting. Feel free to start a new thread if you would like to.

Hugs, Karen...