Death In The Family

My condolences on the loss of your sister.


My best advice is to give it time. You say that your sister recently passed and that even more recently you have started grief counseling. The bottom line is that is takes time to heal, and the bigger the injury the longer it can take to recover from it. While you are not dealing with a physical injury you have still been injured, emotionally.

Grieving is a process and while there are definite phases to that process there are no hard and fast rule that says you will go through them in any certain order, or that you won't bounce between one or more for a time. There is not rule that says it will take "X" amount of days or weeks to get through them all.

Eventually though, if you let yourself, you will find your grief muted and replaced by more peaceful and happy memories of your sister. You may and probably will always miss her and feel a certain amount of loss, but the emotional pain that you have now will lessen considerably.

As this happens please do not feel guilty about feeling better when you think of your sister. It does not mean that you love her or miss her any less. Also do not feel bad about smiling or laughing about fond memories. In my way of thinking this is how to truly honor a loved one we have lost. We hold on to the good memories and share them and let the pain fade away.

Grief has no timetable. And no rules. So embrace this time, whether it is happy or sad. Know that we all care about you. And want you to feel better soon. But take the time to heal...

Hugs, Karen

PS!!!  Welcome to the forum!!!

LittleMissy,

Get rid of the guilt or it will eat you up forever. You are in no way responsible. We aren't allowed to discuss suicide on this forum, but I have to say one thing. When a person does it, it is in no way anybody elses fault. So quit blaming yourself. Get some grief counseling for this. You really need it and it really helps. Please...

Take care of you. Use this time constructively helping yourself. Start with some grief counseling. It is often offered for free. Check around with churches, or mental health facilities. You can't live this way. You need proper closure and to start getting on with your life. For you...

Hugs, Karen

I should have never let her move off with her boyfriend. I knew he was bad news from the beginning. He did drugs and drank and I have my suspicions he may have hurt her but then again I don't have proof. She always had problems with depression and anxiety, but I always thought she would grow out of it. I didn't know how bad she actually felt.
She actually emailed me a week or so ago and it seemed like she was begging me to please come down and see her. She told me she fell down the stairs and broke her leg. And with him being gone at work she was lonely during the day. I promised I would be there soon. I guess I wasn't soon enough.

I just wish I had been a better sister. Our dad killed our mom when I was 18 and she was 12 so I pretty much raised my sister. I was always more of a parent when I should have been a sister. Counseling never seemed to help her so I just figured it was a phase she was going through.
Then that guy came along and they moved off together. I swear he was being abusive to her the whole time but like I said I can't prove it. I should have made her stay away from him. She was always so stressed about the things he did and worried herself sick over him. I should've done something.

I agree with Karen, getting by...and don't blame yourself, your a good person...
Be truthful in your feelings when you go to grief counseling and give that some
time...it will take time for you, but time will heal these wounds... keep posting even if its to vent
as venting will help...

Well, like I told you before the last time I heard from her she told me she had broken her leg. The doctors said she OD on pain meds.

I just wonder if maybe she ever tried reaching out and letting someone know what was going on. If she ever told anyone how badly she felt or what her boyfriend did to her. You know he didn't even show up to the funeral. He ran off and no one has seen him. I just hope he knows he can't run from karma.

I think in all honesty, that it is normal for you to feel this way. And I believe in Karma too... It will get him that is for sure. And you wont have to lifr a finger either.

She may not have told anybody what was going on because she was afraid to. She was in a situation that only she could get out of. So try not to feel guilty about that either. Have you talked to any of her friends? Do you ever? You could ask one of them if she ever mentioned the abuse.

It sounds like you have a lot of questions. And that is normal. Especially the one about "was there anything I could of done to change this?" But there isn't. It happens. My cousin's was intentional. Though I don't think he thought he was going to die. But he did. I got a little angry because somebody should have made him go to the hospital because they knew that he took all of his meds. Nobody did. I would have made him go and get his stomache pumped. But I didn't know what he had done. But it is what it is, and I can't change it nor can I bring him back. So I have learned to accept that fact. That is what you will eventually do. Once you get closure.

Keep posting. Know that I do care.

I hope that you are having a good day.

Hugs, Karen

From what I understand, she really hardly ever left the house enough to make friends. He didn't let her. It makes me wonder if she actually fell down the stairs or maybe he pushed her. I don't know. I just want answers.

That's scary. And you say she hasn't been on in awhile? I hope she leaves him. What forum is she on?
As far as getting the death investigated, we can't. She was found by a neighbor who was worried about her. Her boyfriend was already gone. Her neighbor said that she was lying on the floor with a empty pill bottle. The death was ruled a suicide. Too late to do anything now. Just wish I could have done something.

I don't want to believe he would do something like that, but I also don't want to believe she would take her own life. My sister was tough as nails. She would never take the easy way out. Then again all the evidence points that way. It's just so confusing and upsetting.