Don't recognize myself

I don't know whats wrong with me. I just want to hurt myself so badly. I don't want to die because that would be too easy.  I don't think life has any meaning, but to be painful and beat you down. I'm not worth anything. I mean if you were to look at my life you would think I have no right to feel the way I feel. I am messed up.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 4/17/2012 12:06:33 PM (GMT-6)

Hi Fallen Angel 13,

Welcome to the forum. I did have to edit your post as we aren't allowed to discuss self harm or drugs. Also suicide for future reference. You might want to go over forum rules.

We have all felt the way that you do. I agree with S&A, you need to see a doctor or threapist. I see that you are very down. ER might not be a bad idea, if you feel it necessary.

Know that you can get better with work. Do talk to somebody. You sound like you feel worthless, but you are not. You are a very special human being. So do get some help and try to get better. Do this for you. You are worth it!!!

Hugs, Karen

Fallen, welcome to the forum. You are not alone. I fully understand the need to hurt yourself as I have done it myself. For me it was a way to see if I could feel. I felt unworthy and therefore I had to suffer. However, the more I did this and the less I responded I knew it wasn't the answer.

I just started to get counseling, I'm fighting back and so should you! You don't have to fight your demons alone...go to the ER and get help from professionals. We are all very worried about you. Please reply back and let us know that you are safe. You found us and now we are here for you! I've seen too many deaths in my life span, they were all senseless and avoidable. What really killed me was the wake of destruction left behind as the surviving relatives had to live out their lives wondering if they could have said or done something to prevent the suicide of a loved one. For them, no amount of therapy can wipe away their self doubts and self-blame. I've seen too many deaths. Please get help Fallen, before it's too late. Find that inner strength and dig deep! We are all waiting for your reply...

Cheers!

Charles

Fallen Angel.   If you are actually seeing and hearing things then you need to call your doc and get your meds ajusted. If you currently don't have a doc.  SERIOUSLY you need to go to the nearest ER and get treatment.  There are people there that care and can help get you in a program to stabelize you.

Real life is scarey enough when we are stabel.  But when we are wobbley it is worse, so please take care of yourself, not else can do it but YOU!  Take control of your MONSTERS.

Hope you are feeling better real soon. Let us know what you do and how you make out.

I'm crazy. Everyone thinks so. Even my own family. I dropped out of school cause I couldn't take it anymore. I hate myself...I don't know what I did to deserve this but I must have done something. I can't make the voices shut up. They're always there. I don't want to get locked up in a mental hospital though. I won't go through that again.

Thanks.

Thru counseling? What went wrong or turned you against it? Do you work? I too have been thru counseling, and at the time, I was completely desparate and it did help, but here I am again, feeling almost the same as you, and hesitate on the counseling again. For me, I think it was because they felt as tho the "healed" me, but ..............

Fallen,

Can you explain how this all began? When did you start hearing voices? Did you have a traumatic event that triggered these voices? Is there anyone in your family or a close friend who you can depend on for support and guidance?

You mentioned you didn't want to return to the mental hospital? When we're you there, how long and what was your diagnosis? Did you recently stop taking your meds?

I just avoided being sent to the hospital. I had to sign a 'safety contract' with my Psychologist, but I think she really wanted me to be admitted. Honestly, I don't know if I can honor a piece of paper. I have a strong urge to hurt myself and there are times where it makes more sense just to end it all. I have to somehow fight these urges and find a way to deal with my rage. I used to enjoy running and it helped me burn off steam. No, I can barely walk using a cane. I walk a block and I am in pain the rest of the day!

If I can reach out for help, so can you. I'm an old school, macho-man who once took pride in my psychical and mental strength. However, my work "accident" stole my physical health and now my mental health is suffering as well.

I hope you are having a better night than I am. I look forward to some clarification about your current condition. Perhaps this can help us point you in the right direction.

Charles

Fallen,

Are you on any medication or have you ever been treated by a Psychiatrist? You really should seek immediate medical attention at your ER department, especially if these voices are controlling your life and telling you to hurt yourself or others. Do you have anyone, a friend, sibling or parent who can take you to the hospital?

I hope you can get the help and support you need. Keep posting and let me know how you are doing.

Charles