Frightened of the possibilities

No Worries,

Everybody gets denied three times before they are done. This is normal process. You will go before the administrative law judge. You will get your SSI. Try to relax... This is par for the course. They try to make it as hard as they can so that you give up. Try telling yourself, that if you don't get it, it is not the end of the world. But you will get it. Just take it as it comes. Hopefully you will ge the workman's comp done first anyway. It will fall into place. Just try not to let it get to you so much. You fretting over something that doesn't need to be worried about. Often even after the administrative law judge, you can still appeal the decision. And if you lose the appeal, you sign up again as soon as possible. Many people have been through this. But I don't think the judge will deny your case. But they do try to make it hard so that you give up. Just don't give up.

They wont lock you away. But I wish somebody would have told you how this ssi and ssd works. You get denied so many times. It is stupid actually. I got denied everytime and am going to apply again. It has been about five years since I went. But I was able to work for a few months a couple of years ago. That did make me feel better about myself. But my condition has just gotten worse since. So I am going to file again.

I cried so hard when I got denied for the last time. But I talked to my psychologist and she got me out of it. But I felt the judge didn't like me. And he acted prejiduce towards me. Really arrogent. I don't know if I spelled that right. I know it is a critical decision for you. But I teally think you are going to get it. You have a lot goign on healthwise.

I think you will get your workman's comp too. I went though them before and got a settlement. And I wasn't nearly as messed up as you are. I had a dermatitis on my hands from the job. But I got a good chunk of money as I took a settlement from them. Instead of monthly payments. I found it much easier to settle. They are probably going to offer you a settlement too. Unless that is what they are appealing. They want you to give up and quit fighting but don't do that for anything. They want to make it difficult for you to live so that you will break down and work somewhere else. Just don't do that. Get help from social services if you have to. You can always pay them back if need be. That is what I did. If you sign up, let them know you are waiting on a case. They will be more happy to assist you that way.

Just keep sticking to your guns and know that they want to make it hard for you so you stop trying. Just don't. I wish the ssi was easier for you to get, but they hold tight to that money. They don't want to let it go. But please, don't give up. Listen to that song that Peter put on the forum. It is called "don't give up". It helped me.

Keep posting. Get it out here. That will make it easier for you not to worry your wife. It is hard when you are trying to get help from the government and other places. Just stick to your guns. YOu will get there. And vent here when you need to. Looking at the situation is easy for me. But being in the situation is hard. I understand that. I was there before a few times. I still have the skin problem from the 80's when I sued that company. It will never go away. The money is long gone. But I am glad that I did it. I had a good lawyer too. That made it a lot easier. You can get free legal aid for this. But I don't know that you need it. It honestly didn't help me much. He didn't say anything on my behalf. I think you have both cases. So in the mean time, maybe we could work on things to relax you so you aren't so stressed. The stress just makes the pain and everything worse.

I hope things work out. Hang in there Charles... It will be better, I am sure of that. It just is a waitng process that makes us antsy. Just don't give up!!!

Hugs...

Getting by,

I'm sorry to hear about your personal struggle with your injuries, fighting workers comp. and still being denied SSD.

I knew it would be a up hill battle fighting for SSD benefits. However I have two independent doctors who both gave detailed medical reasons why they both felt I am permanently disabled and can no longer work. I wish to God I could work, but with my CP and physical disabilities, plus the side effects from my meds...it's impossible. I just don't see how my doctor's official statements are overlooked or discounted. I know there is a lot of fraud happening with SSD benefits, but I just don't know what more I can do to convince them I am the real deal? Of course, now that I'm seeing a Psychologist and have severe depression and PTSD...perhaps this will help. I'm just a basket case and in desperate need for some type of financial support.

I still haven't told my wife I was turned down again for SSD. She keeps telling me she can't wait for me to win, so she can cut down on her OT hours. This makes me feel like such a useless burden and I'm causing too much stress and financial distress to my wife.

Also, thanks for the suggestion, but it doesn't matter how I position my arms...I often sleep on my side and my arms are down below where my heart once was. I can be sitting watching TV or shopping for groceries!

Charles

Thanks and I'm sorry. I don't have anyone I can talk to. Posting is not going to work. I don't mean to trigger anyone else. I never wish harm to others, that would make me feel even worse than I do now...if that's possible.

I did email you something, but I am guessing there is no way to edit that too.

I'm at a loss...not sure what I can do anymore. I try not to hold these feelings inside, but I have no outlet. Not even one day and I break my safety contract! I feel there is little hope for me. How tired is too tired? When is enough...enough? I feel like I can't do or say anything right. I'm angry, frustrated, exhausted, always in pain.

Charles,

I bumped up admin thread about Peter's blog and it has a song on it I would like you to listen to by Peter Gabriel. Listen to both. I like the second one best. But listen to the words.
And Don't Give Up!!!

Hugs, Karen

The best thing that I can offer is to take it one day at a time. Try to occupy your mind so that you don't think about the workman's comp case or the disability hearing. But I am curious if you have an attorney. That would take a lot of the stress off of you.

As for your wife taking lite of the situation, let her. She is working over time and you don't want to stress her even more. So if she isn't worrying about it, that is even better for her. She is taking on a lot of responsibility and doesn't need to worry about something you can handle, and you can handle this. Just try to stay in the moment. That is so important. You will worry about things less. Take it one day at a time. Use the resources that you have. Coming here and seeing your psychologist. Just don't let your wife talk you out of going. You need your psychologist right now.

Find something that you can do such as a hobby or something you enjoy. Keep on living, even though you are waiting on these other things to resolve. Move forward as much as you can. But don't overwhelm yourself with it. Just enjoy it.

Hugs, Karen

Don't worry about the edit. But if you do talk about self harm or suicide, I do have to remove it. You wont be banned for it. I know that you need this place. And it is a good place to come...

As for my wife...hmmmmm, she works 6 days a week!  She works Monday thru Friday 12+ hours a day.  Then on Saturdays she works 5-6 hours more.  She is exhausted, but needs the extra income to cover for my lack of income.  On top of all this stress, she worries about me throughout the day.  

about three weeks ago I was very ill with a nasty stomach virus, a fever, throwing up everything, including water.  I became quickly dehydrated and couldn't even take my medication.  I started experiencing withdrawals and drove myself to the ER.  I spent two hours in the lobby throwing up and feeling awful.  They finally found me an isolated room where I spent the entire night wide awake and still throwing up while they pumped IV fluids and medication in me.  The doctor was going to admit me, but then another doctor decided I was well enough to go home.  I was still a mess, but managed to drive myself home.  

I spent the rest of the day still without any sleep and still throwing up what was left in my stomach, which wasn't much.  I called the ER and they wanted me to come back!  They said their lobby was full and there was no way I was going to wait another two hours, so I went to my urgent care and they got me in fast and took good care of me.  However, they insisted that my wife come get me, because of the medication they were giving me.  My wife came and again saw me looking like death warmed over and suffering.  She was extremely worried for me, given my other medical complications.  However as we left the building she said I had to drive the other car home and she would follow me.  She didn't want to leave the car in the parking lot and rather I drive pumped full of meds, no sleep in 3 days and sicker than a dead politician!

As far as hobbies...I can't sleep, so my brain is shot.  I can no longer focus or concentrate on anything.  I can't even remember to take the fish out of the freezer after my wife just called me for the 5th time to remind me to do it!  I have the same thing for breakfast, but I can't remember what I had for breakfast!  I used to enjoy running, but now I can barely walk to the corner without being in uncontrolable pain for the rest of the day.  

As you can see, I enjoy writing a bunch of crap, but it also causes me a lot of pain and it's difficult to sit for even 15 minutes typing.  I plan on writing a book about my prior job, but I've been experiencing a lot of flashbacks and bad memories that I can't begin to process.  

I also use to enjoy photography, but I can no longer get around, so that's not an option.  I keep falling asleep while driving, so I try to stay home and off the roads.  Of course this means I'm even more isolated and bored out of my mind.