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Who's left when your family doesn't care...?

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Posted 5/1/2012 4:24 AM (GMT 0)
I have to start by saying I have great parents that do care, and some other family that support me a lot but here is my story about my sister....

Tonight, we got some information that there were some men in our neighborhood concidered "armed and dangerous". We live out in the woods/country and they could be hiding anywhere.

Well in 2008 I was attacked in my home by a stranger, so I was pretty upset and wanted to go stay at my sister's house.

When I called her, she would barely take the time to listen, and when i asked if I could stay she could only say things like, I have this and that in the morning, and basically she was to busy and didn't reallly care.

I texted her, and said, you know you could show some kind of concern...it just seems like you don't care.

Then I get a text saying, "ok, this is dave(her husband) and now your really pissing me off".

I don't understand. The home I was attacked in could be surrounded with dangerous men, rationally creating fear in me, so I call my SISTER, someone I thought I would be safe with, and I piss Him off???

Ever since the attack and other things I've gone through, she just doesn't seem to care, or even believe half of what I say. THey seem to be so selfish.

My dad did call him and say, Listen, this is real fear and she doesn't deserve that, but he only wanted to give excuses and my dad wouldn't listen to it.

My bro-in-law is a pastor, and gets on stage and preaches about loveing others, being compassionate, yet after that simple conversation, "I'm pissing him off". What is that about?
I feel like I just don't want to have anything to do with them anymore. I invest in their lives. I care about what is going on their lives. I ask how they are, I help them when I can, and now I get this in return???

So now, I'm sitting in the very home I was taken advantage of before, with men possiblly in my neighborhood, in fear, because, she was just to busy. Its not like i was asking her to come get me and stay up with me till the wee hours of the morning, I just wanted to get away from here.

I feel so done with people. Everyone seems to be so self centered. All they care about is them. From doctors, to my own family, I feel like I don't matter.

And they wonder why I get depressed, or upset with them?

I'm tired of being the only one who tries. If nobody else is willing to try and be empathetic, or show mercy, then why do I have to try? I hate this evil world.

I feel so empty right now. I feel abandoned. Hurt. Not cared about.

I want so badly to have a relationship with my sister where we can give each other a hug, talk on the phone often, have fun together, and love each other, caring about what goes on in each other's life. And it seems the only life she cares about, is hers.

This has just been a bad day all around.

I would really appreciate a post of encouragement, but I guess that too is selfish of me.....

I try to encourage people on here, and in my life all the time, and I feel like I never get it in return(not so much here, you all can be great). I just want to know that the people in my life really care and want to invest in me, not just be my sibling, or aquantince.

Thanks for letting me share,

Ang

Posted 5/1/2012 5:39 AM (GMT 0)
I'm really sorry you're feeling scared and alone. Your brother-in-law is insensitive and I don't blame you for being upset.

You're not alone. We're here.
Posted 5/1/2012 12:09 PM (GMT 0)
HI there,

I am glad to know it is a day after and that nothing bad happened. I understand your fears they were ligitimate. I am sorry your sister acted as if there was nothing wrong. Is there any chance that she just didn't understand the severity of what was going on? I hope that was all it was.

Don't give up on people or yourself. You are very worthy. And yes, you aren't alone, we are here. Keep hanging in there. The situation is now over. And you are okay. Be thankful nothing bad happened. And try to move on from it. Try to talk to your sis. I really think she didn't understand. I hope that was all it was.

IowaGirl, Welcome to the forum. Thanks for giving advice.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 5/1/2012 5:59 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Ang

I could feel your fear and disappointment pouring off the page. Your BIL is a "pastor", a supposed shepherd of the flock....more like the king of jackasses to me-lol....I am so sorry your sister did not stand up for you. Noone can disappoint like family.

I know it feels like a cold cruel world out there but there are still moments of such distilled beauty and joy in the world that we cannot forget that. We must believe there is more good than evil in the world or evil wins.

Have you ever tried a gratitutde journal? It may sound trite and silly and some days I have to really dig deep but it helps. Write down 5 things you are grateful for every day-it brings the good into focus. One day it was tulips, or the dog smiling at me or food in the fridge.

If these family relations are toxic, put them to the side for awhile. Come back to them when you are stronger.

I really do hope today is better and they got the "bad guys". You are not alone. We are here.

Take care

Maggie

Posted 5/1/2012 7:02 PM (GMT 0)
I can understand your anxiety and fear. It is a shame that your sister and/or her husband were not more understanding and supportive.

Since it is apparent that you can not count on them in times like you just went through perhaps the best thing to do is save up some money for emergencies so you can go to a motel whenever something happens around your house that leaves you afraid to be there.

The only other thing I can think of is, if possible, consider getting a dog. Maybe something along the lines of a German Shepard. If you have the time to housebreak him go for a puppy, if not try to find one around 6-9 months old who is already housebroke. At that age it would not take long for him to "adopt" you as his new family.
Posted 5/1/2012 7:35 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Ang, I'm new to this site, but still want to reach out to you. I can very much relate to being let down by family members. I have 4 brothers and the one who is 2 years younger than me I was very close to when we were kids. It took a long long time for me to finally get it that he is too wrapped up in his own world to care about anyone, including family. He has an addiction which has ruined his life. I lost count of the times I cried over him, the bad choices he made in life and how those choices affected me and the rest of our family. I'm not saying your situation is the same as mine of course, for one thing I'm a little older, in my mid fifties, but I can relate to your pain. I hope and pray it does not turn out the same for you and your sister, and there is a good chance it wont. Please do not give up on her yet, maybe she just needs to mature a little bit.

What I can do is tell you what I learned in my life about people.. many of them will just flat out let us down, it wasn't only my bro, I have a whole clan of dysfunctional people in my family. And the world is full of broken people and self centered people and really mean people. There are some really kind, caring, and giving people in this world also, thank God. Anyhow... it took me a life time to come to the realization that I can't allow what others think, say, or do control my life. It is not worth the terrible pain it can cause.

There is only one in this whole universe who really completely understands me, and knows me better than I know myself, and that is the God of the bible, the one who sent His son to die in my place for my sins. You see according to Him we are all imperfect. And knowing this set me free quite a bit from expecting other people to always treat me right. I've seen that we all blow it and need to forgive and hopefully be forgiven by others when we do blow it.

about your brother in law, he is an embarressment to the christian cummunity, and should be ashamed of himself! Sadly another lesson I have learned is that not all people who wear the label christian, are christians. Even pastors, some are only in it for the money, and if thats the case, woe to them on judgement day! There are good and bad in every walk of life.
The bible tells us that you can tell someone is a follower of Christ if they bear the fruit of the Spirit.

But the fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Longsuffering, Gentleness, Goodness, Faith, Meekness, Temperance: against such there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

Hang in there Ang, and know there are people who really do care about you.

Warmly, From Debbie
Posted 5/2/2012 2:30 AM (GMT 0)
he is a good christian, and I don't want to say he's not, but we all as humans are sinners, even pastors. I am hurt, a lot, but I'm just going to back off for a while from them. I talked to him today, nothing was solved really, but I'm just going to be there for my sister and him, I guess when Its convenient for them, I hope they know i"m there and love them, no matter what. I can just can't keep trying to be more that what my sister may want in our relationship. I love her, accept her, and will alway be there for her, but for now I"m done trying. Its her hands now.
Thanks for your post, its been a hard few days, in a lot of ways.
thanks
Ang
Posted 5/2/2012 5:40 PM (GMT 0)
Ang,

Wow, first your shoulder now this! I'm so sorry you are experiencing a lack of caring from your family. I think it's a safe bet that the majority of households in America have dysfunctional families. I have not seen or spoken to my oldest brother and I seldom speak to my older sister. The family members who I do speak with (mom and younger sister) I don't tell them about all my CP and Certainly not my depression. I will never tell them that later on today, after my home Nurse visit where she refills my Morhpine Drug Pump I have to go to the Psychiatric Hospital inpatient program. Again, telling them will only cause them stress and worry about something they can not help me control.

I don't have any friends where I live, so it's the same story. Although I am isolated and alone, at least I can avoid the feeling of disappointment and abandonment from friends and family who have no idea what's going on with me.

That's why I love this place. I remain faceless and can still get my feelings out, vent...and seek advice from like minded souls who know how I feel. Most importantly, I try to reach out to others to show I care for them and I'm there for them as I am for you Ang and you have been for me.

I like that I can post my thoughts, my true feelings and not worry about being judged. However, I am often misunderstood and my point is lost, but I blame myself for being so scattered brained. Sleep deprivation, lack of concentration, zero recall or short term memory. I'm hoping my stay at the Shrink Hotel will recharge my batteries and sort out my issues, so I can return and be more supportive and encouraging to all of you. Helping others has always been such a large part of my identity and something I thrived at. Healingwell is an excellent place to continue my efforts to help myself feel worth living and to help others feel the same.

I look forward to being discharged and coming home to read a lot of posts! Until then consider yourselves to be on a reprieve! LOL

Take care of one another, stay safe and be happy...CHEERS!

Charles
Posted 5/2/2012 6:10 PM (GMT 0)
Charles,

That was a very kind and understanding post. I just wanted to mention that. I hope your stay goes well. PLease do let us know how it went.

Hugs...
Posted 5/2/2012 6:53 PM (GMT 0)
 

Take care Charles...we will be right here when you get back.

Maggie

Posted 5/2/2012 10:15 PM (GMT 0)
AngMichelle,

His Faithful 1 has the right answer about whom you should turn to when you are deserted by family members. It's clearly God and
she understands the truth of that for all of us.

Take care and listen to the good folks here who recommend as best they know how. Ultimately, you have to decide what comes first in your life. Once you do that, everything else fits into its proper alignment.

Try placing God first.

Take care.

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 5/2/2012 4:18:19 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 5/2/2012 11:23 PM (GMT 0)
Hi IG,

Please read daily check in thread. Courtney was asking about you...

Hugs, Karen
Posted 7/12/2013 3:42 AM (GMT 0)
I have been acutely and chronically depressed for over 3 years now. with no real relief from all the 7 or 8 meds they have tried me on. I frequently suffer from  ideation and have reached out to my family, for support, contact and help. I live on my own, I am 49 years old, all my friends from my youth have gone. I have always loved my family members; my 2 sisters and their offspring (nieces and nephews). however......none of them truly understand how sick I am and how LOW and desperate I get. my father, (72 years old) has been fighting cancer for 10 years (yippee....great he has lasted so long and I hope he goes on for at least another 10 years).

everybody treats him like a hero, because he has cancer (rightly so), but NONE of them recognise that depression is a deadly illness too...... they can't see it, etc, etc.

What's worse, is that 2 of my nieces have turned against me in the last 2 years; 1 is 17 (the protagonist) and the other is 25.

My crime?

I really don't know...........apart from not being the strong 'healthy' person I was when they were growing up.

Do they have any sympathy or understanding......... no......... not even a little bit....... and the youngest one (17) has been vicious and vile towards me and has, over the last 2 years or so, sucked in the older one (25).

This is enormously heart-breaking for me as all they have ever had from me all their lives, is love. but the younger once seems to thrive on angst and drama, to the extent that I have been wondering about a personality disorder. They both speak to me with zero respect, like I am a piece of crap.

They never ever did that before I got sick and even worse (is that possible) their mum's are doing nothing to stop it or prevent it.

I now fear that the vitriol spawned from the 17 year old and her 25 year old cousin, is starting to spread throughout my family. my nephews too......... my family was always so special to me, as we were put in various children's homes from since I was 9 years old.

It all came to a head a few nights ago when the 25yo randomly spoke to me like a piece of crap on facebook....... in ended up in my having a real  crisis,

I do not want to be fussed over, because I am ill........ but I find it enormously difficult to accept being spoken to like a piece of crap by young relatives........my nephews are fine.......I don't get it.....and what makes it so heartbreaking, is that neither of my sisters reprimand my nieces......they acutually side with them.

Bang goes the family I suppose, so all I have left is my Dog (thank God) xxx

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 7/12/2013 4:38:37 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/12/2013 9:19 AM (GMT 0)
Anthony scot welcome to the forum.

Ang,

perhaps your sister and bro-in-law were in the middle of an agruement themselves when you called. This is very possible.

At any rate you were treated rudely and I would tell them about that.

Glad you came through that night safely. Know that it made you stronger. You are not alone, you always have the police to call and you have us here to write to for support.

peace and courage
Trina
Posted 7/12/2013 10:40 AM (GMT 0)
It sounds to me like you are more worried about what other people think about you. Try not to worry about that and work on yourself. Your health is more important. And if these people are bringing you down, stay away from them. We can't control what others do and think, but we can control our own thoughts.

Hugs, Karen
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