I dont know what to do anymore.

My parents got divorced when i was a child because my father decided drugs were more important but now he is 1 year clean thank God for that. and my mother is an active alcoholic and drug abuser. I dont have anyone its just myself. I lost my friends because i am so depressed and i would rather lay on the couch and do nothiing than have fun and live life. The pain that both of my parents have caused me has begin to linger more and more. I cry all the time. I just dont understand why i wasnt loved. I often blame myself for there mistakes. I try to reach out to other family members and it feels like i am screaming at a brick wall. I have been depressed for 3 years and not until a 5 months ago did someone take me seriously enough to help me. I still dont get out of bed until 5 in the afternoon i dont go to sleep as you can see this post is at 430 in the morning. I dont know why i joined this forum thought about deleting this whole post because why would a bunch of strangers care about how i feel when my parents dont even care.

Hi AJ94,
As you can see I am not sleeping either and it's 3:30am here. I don't know what I can say to help except that family members that abuse drugs have a sickness of there own. When they are using it isn't about you.... only about them. Nothing you could have said or done would have made them love you any differently. It is like thinking a paralyzed person can walk to expect them to be able to love you in any way that would make sense.

Luckily for me my parents didn't abuse drugs but my second grown up daughter does. She has, I believe, contributed greatly to my last few years of severe anxiety and depression. After a phone call from her today I again have decided not to take her calls for a few months because it has sent me spiraling into the black hole.

I guess my recommendation to you is to try to separate yourself emotionally from the way they behaved as much as you can... and I tell myself she is ill in her own way and I thank the heavens above I was not afflicted with her illness.