Feeling overwhelmed!

Feel overwhelmed...again.

I feel like everything in my life is just coming to a head and overwhelming me right now, and I just feel like I can't take it.

My back pain is still bad, and I'm so frustrated with it and just the daily problems it brings with it...and not being able to do much. That is bad enough and makes me depressed, but now I have other stuff going on too.

My dad is having basically psychotic breaks. He's 67, but has had 'nervous break downs' before and ever since my mother died he's been either almost suicidally depressed, nasty and mean, or manic acting or panicked. He's the income provider for me (pensions), since I can't work right now, and it means that everything we own—our home, cars, insurance, all rides on his shoulders...and he's the one who needs to be provided for and taken care of. He's just unable to function. He's delusional and paranoid, and has no way to manage his money. I have no legal leverage or authority over him, and if I tried to commit him by saying he was a threat to himself for others I just think it would make the situation worse.

On top of this, my boyfriend and I sort of split up, but he is still living with me. He's acting like he is so conflicted and everything, and I sort of am too, but he's sleeping with someone else and acting like he is in love with them. I just don't need that in my life, but I don't know how to get him to leave really because he has no where to go and I've been relying on him to help me with certain things due to my health problems.

I just feel stuck between these people and their problems. Even if I could leave, I'd feel bad about leaving my father to his own devices. I feel anger, but I also know that he's seriously mentally ill and can't help all of it. He needs help, and I have no idea what to do. I just wish someone was there for me like I try to be there for everyone else. I feel like everyone's emotional crutch, and that I'm just being used and saddled with all the drama and baggage. It isn't fair to me, but I have no idea how to get out. I'm just so overwhelmed and feeling so angry and depressed. I just hate my life right now and wish I could be alone and live my own life away from all this.

...Thanks everyone, for having the forum and stuff here. It helps to vent.

Thanks everyone.

I have a therapist that I see, and I have seen her for several years now. She's been very helpful overall, but mostly just to bounce my thoughts off of her or to vent. I have an appointment with her next Thursday.

And yes, my father still has a horse. It is stabled and taken care of in a ranch-like place 30 minutes away from us, and he has probably only ever went up to see it five times. He's ridden it maybe three times. He pays about $200 a month for it, not to mention the $2000+ for when he actually bought it. He's had it for five years now, so you can imagine how much money he's thrown away at that. It's something that really bothers me, but he's so sick now that I know there is no way he is going to do anything about that on his own.

I just don't know how my boyfriend and I could get a place together. We just don't have that kind of resources, and right now we're sort of not even really together...I wish I could just live on my own.

You need to call social services for your dad. He needs to be monitored and possibly put in a home. You aren't doing him any favors by putting it off. They could possibly help you with getting power of attorney for your dad so you can deal with his money issues like the horse.
Have you tried to apply for disability?
As to the no longer boyfriend who is sleeping with someone else, tell him to go live with his new love. You need to take care of your dad and yourself, not someone who is making you hurt.

Things will calm down. At least this is a step in the right direction with the doctor. It is a hard thing to do, dealing with your father. But you are doing whtat is in his best interest. He needs professional care at this point. We are here with you. We support everything you do. You are doing the right thing by talking to the doctor with your sister. Things are probably going to change. But you will be okay.

Hugs, Karen

I can see it is an odd situation. If your father goes into a nursing home, will he still be able to financially support you? Or would you lose that support? I hope that you don't lose it. I know that you feel bad that you can't help your father, but I think it is out of your hands. It sounds like he really needs to be somewhere where he will be taken care of on a twenty four hour basis. Know that you can't change what is happening. And know that it is all for the best. The doctor will help you make a decision as what to do. You may even be able to get somebody to come in and take care of him. It all depends on his condition and his capabilities.

I am glad that you are applying for disability. That will really help you. You will have your own money that you will use to take care of yourself. I hope it works out for you. It can be a long drawn out process or sometimes it goes faster. But either way I hope that you get it. Keep us posted on that if you would...

I hope that you are having an okay day. Try to relax. This is going to work out for you and all concerned.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen

I am happy that you had a better day. This is life changing and can seem difficult, but just take it one step at a time. Everything will work out...

I am glad that you relaxed some. Keep that up. Especially now when the stress is higher.

Keep posting...

Hugs, Karen