HELP...depression VS relationship

I was diagnosed with dysthymia last week, i have always had anxiety issues. My dad is a paraplegic (work accident when i was 4), my sister has downsyndrome with significant health issues. I have been seeing a psychologic on and off for the past 4 years but recently i've had suicidal thoughts, constant very low mood with an inability to stay happy. I am very irritable, snap a lot, have knuckle BRUISES from my own hands because i sleep so tense and absolutely HATE BEING ALONE!! My boyfriend of 2yrs and I are inseperable. Everybody says we will get married, we dont have any problems in our relationship apart from my anxiety and depression. We go out every weekend, but drinking DOES NOT AGREE WITH ME, it makes me so bad that we fight every time over stupid things e.g. I get crazy about the fact i think hes checking out other girls or ignoring me. I have fun when i drink when hes not there and I think this is because he is the only person i really CARE FOR. I see how much i hurt him...i reject him all the time and say horrible things i dont mean. Recently my GP prescribed me ZOLOFT but i havn't filled it yet because of my boyfriend. He is so against medications! He WANTS TO FIX ME HIMSELF. He says "I don't understand mental illness and I DONT WANT TO BECAUSE I AM AFRAID. I will always be here for you but on medication you will be fake happy, you wont be you. Your mind can heal itself if you just try! I DONT WANT YOU ON MEDICATIONS". However, I feel like they are my chance at happiness, fake or not. HE WILL RESENT ME IF I GO ON THEM, he will leave me. Please help me. We are both insanely crazy about each other, WE CRY TOGETHER when he sees me in a bad episode. Dont just say "If he loves you he will stay even if you take them" or "go against his wishes and take it behind his back" Trust is what makes us and we both Love eachother more than i can explain.

I'm the kind of person who do not like to take meds and I was afraid of AD. I waited a long time to see my doc and ask for help. I'm usually fun, athletic and positive but I just wasn't myself anymore because of depression. I decided to take care of myself and take the meds and now I'm me again! Not a fake me! I'm just more happy and smilling more. I have also started a therapy and it's very helpfull for understanding my depression.
I think in a relationship, you should be able to make decisions for yourself and do what is best for you.
Take care, Caro11

yeah i think im just afraid of loosing him :( we spoke again last night about it and i asked if he would let me try it and if he doesn't like it after a few months i'll go off them....but i have a feeling after the few months he's just going to say he doesn't like it because he's stubborn.

Yes ur right! Your all completely right... I do need to put my health first. In the back of my mind i think I always knew no matter what he said I would go on the meds. I dont know I this is right... But I'm hoping that by taking the medications that I will be an amplified, happier version of the girl he fell in love with. So I'm hoping that if we do break up that after the heart ache he will see someone he is still madly in love with.
It sounds like he is unsupportive and does t care for my health but it is more he fact that he finds it hard to understand that I am that 'broken' inside my head. It's like torture for me... But he can't see that I can't make it go away. He literally just does not grasp the concept AT ALL. His family is a bit lacking on the emotional side of things so I think because he doesn't feel much at all, it is even harder for him.

I'm glad that you decided to take care of yourself you need to be patient though because it takes a few weeks for the meds to reach the full effects. You also may have side effects but they usually go away after a week or two.
The meds will surely help with the symptoms and make you feel better but it's also important to start a therapy along with the meds. It's the best way to understand the causes of your depression and to really heal it.
Keep us posted on how you are doing, we do care.

Kay,

Being on the right medications allows you to open up to the world and find the real you inside, no matter what another person wants waiting on the outside.

You don't even know the real YOU yet! The lovely person that will come out of this journey is for you! No one else. It is your gift for suffering your pain. Your joy for suffering your sorrow. No one else will be allowed to touch this great gift, unless you respectfully allow them.

This journey is all about you Kay. Your pain and healing and learning.
No one dictates how it goes, the journey knows it's own way and you follow. Listen and you will know.

Trina