WHAT THE HE** HAPPENED TO ME TO MAKE ME SO DEPRESSED??

 since i can remember i ahve always been a happy go lucky person,but when i was a child i always was scared something was oing to happen to my parents while i was away at a friends or at school..nothing ever did but when i turned 21 my dad died when i was 4 months pregant with my 1st child,very very sad but bounced back with the support from  my mom.. at 31 my mom died,by this time i have 4 kids whom she all met and loved n was close to. during 2002-2009 i wasin a relationship with a drug addict who stole from me the whole time,still i was happy(i think)at least not like i am now. when my mom died something clicked and i ended the relationship and met a wonderful man that i am now engaged to,he doesnt drink or do drugs and he is with me 24/7 unless we r working and has taken on the daddy role of my kids..now its 2012-why do i wake up crying thinking im a loser a failure and i have no purpose other than raising the kids,i dont wanna go out anymore i have maybe 2 friends,no family,just my fiances....could it be that 3 yrs later the deaths of my parents are just now catchng up to me? what should i do,i have panic attacks multiple times a day and am on xanex but it isnt working because its just a darn band aid for something deeper.. right?? should i see a psychiatris or what? any feedback is greatly appreciated...

Hi panic,

I vote for seeing a psychiatrist or a counselor. They can let you know if you need meds, or therapy or both. It sounds like you're depressed for sure, and yes it could be over suppressed emotions from your past problems. It could be a chemical imbalance. The doctor can help you figure that out.

It sound like you could use someone to talk to and this forum is a good place to be for that. There are a lot of nice people here who will listen to you and not judge you.

Dear Panic,

and it is 3 for 3. Doc and therapist is the answer. Just stuff you have to work through and process that is trying to come out on its own sounds like.

Deep breathing is magically thing that takes away panic attacks if you slowly concentrate on the breath coming in and out of your body. Practice makes perfect!

Hang in there you will be fine for those kids of yours and your new love!

Hi Panic,

Seeing a therapist will help you.
As Karen and BnotAfraid said, deep breathing will help you with the panic attacks.

Hang in there. We're here for you. Hope you feel better.

UA

If we could answer that we'd have more money and the drug companies would go belly up! :)

Do not cut out any medications though without talking to the doctor first. Xanax can cause cognative problems if taken of a long period of time. I have been taking it for 20 years and have not had a problem with that or addiction. So do talk to your doctor before changing any of your meds.

Hugs, Karen