how to cope with negative critisism

Hi everyone

Does anybody have any tips on how not to let other peoples judgement and negative comments get to you? I always thought I had a thick skin, but lately after negative critic, I feel depressed for days. Mentally I know I should not pay them any attension, but emotionally I can't seem to help it.
My father committed suicide when I was a child, so I don't want to go that root. I don't have any thoughts about hurting myself, but I do worry about feeling down for days about something so minor.

Vrolik

Thank you Karen

I just get frustrated with negative criticism - wish it was more constructive criticism. My superiors at work are uninformed which can be very tiring if you first need to educate them so that they can see their criticism in unsound. I'm feeling better today and after reading some of the other post I really should stop complaining about these unimportant issues. At least I have a good paying job that I enjoy.

Hi Vrolik,

Welcome to the forum! This is one place you will not find negative comments.

Sometimes life comes in waves of negativity and its seems like everyone around us is criticisiing. (sp) At times like this is smart to take that step back, put "space" between you and the hurt and look at the sources.

Most likely there is stuff going on in other peoples lives that is causing them to lash out and vent their anger at other people. Calm and excepting persons, are the best targets due to the fact that no reprecusions happen.

I am processing some terrible abuse this year and a therapist taught me a wonderful thing. I will share with you.
You most likely have it in your bathroom!

Q quit
T taking
I it
P personally

Isn't that great? And it is so true, most of the things that people say to us that are upsetting, have nothing at all to do with us.

I hope this helps you.

Stay strong and continue to post here, we all support one another.

Sorry Trina - got the name wrong Thanx for the advise.

hey vrolik
Keep your eyes on the prize. You are doing well and doing a great job and its too bad that people are not always happy for other peoples success. And like Bnotafraid said, it says more about the other person.
My kids call them haters..lol. Its in all the music now. It may be helpful to find a mentor at work, someone who is more advanced than you. Who can help you deal with the corporate climb. And I am sure they will share their stories with you too.
There is nothing wrong with having your feelings hurt over rude comments. But it helps you to realize that it is not about you, its about them. People who are happy with who there are, want others to be happy too.

Thank you Marthas and Mikehar.
I'm afraid my mentors at work are the once that mostly let me down. I had three mentors for my PhD of which the one (which was also my friend and who I helped to get an important position at a company) gave me an awful report back and almost made me fail my thesis while the other 4 examiners gave me a good report. All the comments were personal of nature. Luckily I still got my degree. My second promoter (who is also my boss) tried to steel a project that I've started at work. I still fighting tooth and nail to keep him from taking over my project. My third promoter will not stand up to anybody if it means he is not going to be mr popular afterwards. It let me depressed for a long time knowing that all the people that I looked up to has let me down. If I talk about it, it feels as if people will think the problem is with me because why would three people of their stature (all three are Proffesors) cause problems for me, I must be the difficult person. I do not trust anyone of them anymore and feel as if any comments from them are not for my benefit, but to suit their own goals.
Had an argument with my husband this morning (which we seldom have) and it also was not a serious one, but once again I feel as if the world came to stop for me. I feel depressed and angry at myself for letting it upset me.

Absolutely do not be hard on yourself...you make an interesting point, how we all feel that if we are having problems with so many people that the problem must be us..but it's NOT, sometimes it is hard to stop and see what is really upsetting us. I know I have been focusing on things and felt that my health was what was making me so upset all the time, and while that was a small piece of it, I came to realize what really upset me was the fact that I felt my husband had let me down. Let me down in the support department with all that was going on. And my family let me down too. Once I faced that and had it out with all of them, I felt much better. Then I could refocus on fixing my health.
It's not easy..but is there some underlying issue that you really don't want to face?? Be it because of who it is with?? What facing it may mean??
For me, it came to a head one day when my mother let my daughter spend the night at her house (my mom and I are VERY close, but my daughter NEVER is invited to stay at her house), and my mom told me the next day that Shannan had to go over more often because my mom had so much fun with her... I told my mother "Well, if you didn't have your head so far up B and L's (my nephews) asses you would have known that a long time ago!" (B and L play sports every season, and my parents NEVER miss a game, yet my daughter played lacrosse for 4 years and they went to 3 games total..) SOOO, my mom was not impressed with that comment (can't imagine why..lol), I also told her that I didn't appreciate the fact that my parents have to pick up my niece everyday after school and watch her (she is 11), yet, when I was in the hospital for a month (4 hours away from home), my parents NEVER called my husband to see if he needed any help with our 10 year old, and that she would have LOVED some support from her grandparents (since she herself had just had to have emergency surgery for kidney stones and was already emotionally stressed)...
I guess it was a long time coming, but I felt sooo much better after that. Mom and I are doing better now, and she saw why I was so upset and agreed to try harder with Shannan. We shall see...
But, again, maybe there are other things that are adding to your frustration and you just cant put your finger on it yet..
good luck...
Here is a link to something I put on the mirror and read everyday..
http://www.scrapbook.com/poems/doc/7865/288.html