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Abusive Roommate and Passive Parents. Please help.

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Posted 10/8/2012 8:47 PM (GMT 0)
So I'm not sure how to start this. I've never been on one of these before. I've known my best friend Tyler for 2 years. We've been "together" on and off since we've met. He never wanted to date but I was still in love with him. He was in love with his ex girlfriend who cheated on him. He also cheated on her. Over the two years we've known each other, he would lead me on then blow me off for other girls in front of my face. We decided to be roommates and moved in at the beginning of the semester. (We're both 21. He's in college. I'm in the military)
Side story: my mother abused my brother and I so my parents aren't a part of my life.
I finally started talking to a guy and started dating him a month ago. Ever since, Tyler has been having unreasonable outbursts. It started with him pouting that he wasn't getting attention. Then he began insulting my boyfriend. Then it escalated to him thinking I was mocking him when I was talking to my boyfriend and he came in and told me to get out of the apartment or he was going to hit me. Then I went into my bathroom to find someone to pick me up. Then he trapped me in my bathroom for an hour an a half screaming at me. On another occasion where I tried to walk away as he was yelling, he grabbed me and pulled me back down on the couch. Just this weekend, he smashed my lamp and punched things off my wall. When he does this, I just shut down. I curl up on fetal position and won't say anything. He calls me immature and tell me to grow up. I have cheated on my boyfriend twice with him. Which he doesnt know about it and i feel bad because i dont want to have feelings for tyler but i still do. I know its not okay and i want to be with my boyfriend. I tried talking to his parents, who just condone his behavior. His dad says he's just lashing out to get me to communicate. And his mom says I have issues and that I need to see a councilor. I know the obvious answer is to move out, but it isn't that easy to get out of the lease. Plus he's my best friend and I want to help him because I do love him and care about him. But I can't handle being around him because the anxiety of being in the same apartment is unbearable. I'm just looking for an answer besides move out.
Posted 10/8/2012 9:45 PM (GMT 0)
I am sorry, but you do need to protect yourself and that would be to move out. It really is important that you aren't subjected to this type of behavior. He needs to see a counselor and you do too. Basically you for support and to give you direction. Him for anger management. I am sorry that his parents are condoning his behavior, because it is not acceptable. He may hurt you in one of his outbursts and I would get out of there as soon as possible. IF you have to get the police involved to get out of the lease, so be it. You have to look after your safety. So I can't tell you that it is okay to live there, because it isn't safe for you.

I don't know how you are behaving. I only know your side of the story, but I can't see any reason to accept his behavior, even if you did something to make him mad. Do walk away from the situation. This is going to effect you in a negative way. You said yourself "I can't handle being around him because the anxiety of being in the same apartment is unbearable." Listen to those words.

I hope that you can work something out. Also you have cheated with him on your boyfriend. If you continue to live with him, this could come out and become common knowledge between you and your boyfriend you he may break up with you over it. So do yourself a favor and move out. Can you move in with your boyfriend? If he knew what was going on with the violence, he would be upset.

Take care and keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/8/2012 11:19 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with Karen. This is a toxic relationship and most likely not safe for you from what you tell us.

Therapy is very important, especially since there is abuse in your past.

This situation is complicating your life and making it harder to handle your issues.

Stay strong and be proactive.

Trina
Posted 10/9/2012 7:33 AM (GMT 0)
Alissabella

Sometimes two people just brings out the worst in each other. If you both care about each other, it is better to get a clean break before something bad happens that will destroy both your lives. To help him and yourself, you must leave him. If you stay together, both of you will be unhappy and life is too short to waste. Maybe you can get somebody to take over the lease? It is time to get up, focus on yourself and your happiness and start the rest of you life.

Vrolik 

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