Coping with depression

I was married for 32yrs and in the last few years my husband was having an affair behind my back.  He worked for an old peoples home as a maintenance man and she was a carer.  We went to italy for a holiday with my 28yr old daugther. The girlfriend rang him up on the mobile. My daughter thought was her brother or boyfriend or my brother; and it took him half hour to admit who it was.  My son richard was home looking after my autistic son who was 23yrs at the time and we put a lot work into my autistic son that is what makes me so angry . The girlfriend knew me but didnt care;  they just kepeton doing it. I am 59yrs old and my husband is 62. People say he is a 'smooth operator' ; he was charming, intellegent and smart and also a 'jack of all trades'.  He was also married before but it only lasted 10 months as he was too bossy for her- they had no children. I am just finding it really hard to move on, even after taking anti depressants, reading all the books I can find, working, doing courses and talking to therapists and everyone else about it. I am on cymbalta now - i tried zoloft and lexapro before. I'm always feeling tired, down, can't work. Is this due to depression or medication? What should i do to feel better, less lonely? What can I do to stop constantly talking about how awful i feel to everyone, even strangers? i dont want to embarass others and lose people in my life but that is what is happening. i've obviously put on a lot of weight too- is this the medication? Anyways sorry for all the questions but I hope someone has some answers. I would like to stop talking about it, but im not getting better and im frightened to do things on my own. Can a hospital make me feel better? If so, how? Will they just give me more drugs? Ive tried reading about people worse off than me but to no avail. I hope someone can help.

Jeanette,

Sorry to hear about your pain. I am no therapist nor am I an expert. However, I thought Id share a story about a guy.

This guy was an Australian, and his wife walked out on him. He felt depressed. He called over his brother who lived in a different city. The brother came and took him to his (brother's house). Remember, in Australia, the cities are REALLY far apart. All along the road, the guy would get into bursts of tears. He would start crying uncontrollably. Then he would stop. Then cry again - and again and again. At his brothers house, he was looked after as a guest, and he kept on crying. But he healed. Within a month he was on the dating scene again.

The moral of the story is this - you need to confide in ONE person, not many. With that person you shud cry and cry and cry and cry. You would heal, and real fast. Tears and a sympathetic ear are good for ya.

My 2 bits.

Jeanette,

First take a deep breath and let it out slowly, you are exhausting yourself with thoughts!

How are you responsible for other peoples actions? Are you that powerful?

I am sorry for the pain that you are going through now, I would like to share a skill with you that will slow down the hurt and anxiety and build your self-love.

It is called mindfulness. It keeps you in the now, the past can not be changed and the future can not be controlled. Living in the present moment is wonderful and it is not hard to do.
I can tell you this with 110% confidence, I suffered 15 years of child abuse and use mindfulness everyday to live a pretty full life. I am 51.

Check out mindful.org and mindfulness.org read the articles and most of the books are available at your local libraries.

You can take back control of your emotions and thoughts. When you start getting overwhelmed concentrate on your breathing; in through the nose out through the mouth. Smell the roses, blow out the candle.

Stay strong. Keep posting we are here to listen and support.
Trina