I'm in my early thirties, married with children. I'm here because I lack a proper support system and there is (and has been) a ton of stuff going on in my life.
Since re-marrying 7 years ago, I've always found a way to cope with bad spots/depression/stress what have you. Right now however, I feel it's all come tumbling down
and I can't turn my mind off. I can't cry but want to because I need a release. I can't go to anybody in my family, especially my spouse for support. It frustrates me because
I know that I make a good effort in being there for them when they're down. Right now, I feel a combination of feelings but mostly, I feel self-doubt and fear. I start
counseling next week. My spouse turned his nose up about it. I do not expect him to ever consent to marriage counseling. In the past, we've gone to 2 counseling
sessions (she was inexperienced and unhelpful) and he went for a psych eval/meds/counseling for a brief time a few years ago. He never followed through.
Where to begin!? Well, I may as well elaborate on my husband. He's in his late 40s, middle eastern but been in the states almost his entire life. He has struggled with
a gambling problem forever. His addiction often dominates our life. He's SO freaking insensative, uncaring and unsupportive. I'm pretty sure I have battered women's syndrome due to the amt of neglect, emotional/mental abuse he continuously puts me through. My mom and siblings could care less to hear about it. They've said, "crap or get of the pot." "Geeze, you don't seem to love him very much" etc... I turn to family who I'm there
for when they need me, and I feel they just don't want to hear about the same ol' problems that we always have, regardless of how mentality ill I feel it's making me.
I have so many layers of emotional problems right now that I cannot compartmentalize or help myself make any big changes. I need as much input as possible from people
who have empathy or can relate to my situation. I feel my situation is unique due to several factors, one being, my dad committed suicide by jumping off of a cliff 3 years
ago, at the age of 53. He wasn't married/hadn't been married to my mother for decades. I have one brother going through a painful divorce right now and another brother
who is disabled from a car accident 3 years ago. This brother also blames himself for our dad's death because they argued a day before it happened.
My brain won't stop worrying about everyone else in my family and my husband could care less. He always makes glib remarks like, "Get over it! It's been 40 days since
your dad died. It's time to move on." "This is life. It sucks. Im depressed too, everybody goes through it." So, where do I go from here? I currently don't work...stay at home mom. I would rather work part-time but again, suffering from extreme anxiety/depression/lack of confidence. PLEASE HELP ME!
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 10/11/2012 2:31:25 PM (GMT-6)