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Posted 10/31/2012 3:34 AM (GMT 0)
Hello, I'm new here and I don't really know how to start. Basically, I am pretty sure I have depression, but it seems like I am suffering from a lot of things on this list. OCD, anxiety disorder, asthma, depression, and the list goes on. I just feel hopeless all the time and I feel sad and I  myself and I feel guilt and anger all the time. The tiniest thing can set me off. Some of my friends know but I haven't told my parents. I'm only 17, and neither my mom or dad or stepmom believe in medication. I can't tell them, I just can't. I've been struggling lately because I'm confused and lost. Why am I so messed up if nothing bad has ever happened to me? No abuse, no deaths in the family, nothing! Then why am I so depressed? It feels so wrong, so every day I try to hide it. Not only that, but I've done my research. Yes, I'm fat, and yes, I know that if I trimmed down then I would have more self confidence. Thing is, I get so closed off when people give me advice on how to change. I get so angry, and its like, for some reason, I don't really want to change. Maybe it's because I'm so used to the hatred of myself, or maybe not. Whatever the reason, I'm lost, and I just don't know what to do.
EMILY

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 10/31/2012 6:21:57 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 10/31/2012 4:00 AM (GMT 0)
I had parents that didn't believe in medication. Consequently I didn't go on antidepressants until I was 22. But when I did it made a big difference! Can you make a private appointment with a doctor and explain the situation? I think you should talk about it with your GP. I was afraid to ask for help for years, but it is definately worth it if you do.
Try not to worry too much. There are many treatment options, your're not crazy, and asking for help is not a sign of weakness.
Talk to a doctor :-)
Posted 10/31/2012 12:21 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Emily,

You will get good advice here. Try to take it with an open mind. Many of us have treatment resistant depression and have to be on medications for the rest of our lives. Hopefully it wont be that way for you. It could be situational. It could be your weight, or your conditions at home. There are many things to be said for losing weight, and that is self esteem, your heart, your lungs and overall feeling. So do eat consciously, and healthy. Try to get exercise. Even if it is just a short walk around the block. That is what I do. I take my dog. It not only helps you physically, but mentally too. It is very good or a person, whether they are over weight or not. I am, and I don't mind admitting it. Not a lot, but enough to where I could benefit from losing a few pounds. There is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a part of life. Just start walking a little, that will help. It is something that can help you all your life, it is free and you have control over it.

I really hope that you feel better soon. I am glad that you have joined us. I hope that you keep posting. I had to remove one word out of your post as we aren't allowed to discuss self harm. I hope that you can understand. If it becomes an issue, I have some sites that you can go to for help. I have to find them though...

Take care and have a wonderful day!

Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/31/2012 5:16 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Emily,

welcome to the forum, so glad you chose this place to vent and to find support. Support and listen is what we do best here.

CassCroc gave you some good advice about the doctor. Yes, it is scary. However, you being 17 now, the doctor has to hold your confidence if you don't want them to tell your parents.

Do you keep a journal? It is a wonderful way to release emotions and feelings without anyone knowing. I have kept one for 2 years now and there over a dozen ways of writing to help keep emotional balance. At your library you may want to look up "Writing for emotional balance."

Another book from the library that could be of great help to you and introduce you to mindfulness and meditation is "Anger" by Thich Nhat Hanh. The book is an easy read and teaches you where anger comes from and how to deal with it on a daily basis. I highly recommend this book for you.

The last advice I have is to follow Karen's advice.

Keep posting and letting us know how you are, we are here to listen and support.

Stay strong

Trina
Posted 11/3/2012 1:11 AM (GMT 0)
Hi there! I'm new as of today too! I seem to have a lot in common with you! :) That makes me sad and happy at the same time! I mean I happy that I'm not alone and sad that someone else is suffering same as me... Anyways I'm not sure how this works? Maybe I should start my own thread...
Posted 11/3/2012 2:49 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks to everyone that posted. A lot of it I've heard before and tried as well. Yes, I keep a journal, yes, I kind of talk to a school counselor (who says she wants to talk to my parents and tell them about my depression, but I'm too afraid to let her.) and yes, I try to eat healthy and exercise. I don't know what's wrong with me, but these things don't help. I mean, they help for a little bit, but then I just return to my sadness and anger and hopelessness. It seems like I've felt this for far too long. The last time I was truly happy was three years ago, when I traveled to Africa, but before then and since then, life has been torture. I literally live inside my head. I feel crazy. And I know part of the reason I'm posting here is only to hear other people reiterate the fact that I am NOT crazy. I am a creative writer, so I tend to take out my emotions in poetry and fiction as well. On the bright side, my mom agreed to get me a therapist for my anxiety issues. That's great and everything, but its only part of the issue. How can I explain to my mom that the depression is the driving force behind my anxiety? Or maybe it's the other way around. I don't know. I'm just looking for people to post so that I can feel good, and that is kind of selfish and defeats the point of a healing forum, right? I mean, using what you post on the forum to fuel my depression? It's horrible and sickening and I'm alright if no one posts after after this. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm rambling again.
Posted 11/3/2012 9:34 AM (GMT 0)
Keep continueing to do the things that you have started. Keep writing. Many great works of art were done by depressed people. See that therapist. Do exercise and walk, eat properly. It all works. You just have to keep trying.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/4/2012 6:50 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Ericgau,

Welcome to the depression forum. Feel free to start your own thread if you would like...

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/4/2012 6:53 PM (GMT 0)
http://www.teencentral.net/

Emmy, Please check out this link if you do not want to talk to the councelor at school.

You need to find someone you can actually talk to.

I wish you peace and safety.

Trina
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