Nasty boss

I've been feeling a bit down these last few days. Had an incident with my boss again. We used to work great together until he started to take credit for my work. I confronted him privately in his office, telling him truthfully what is bothering me without discussing it with any of my collegues out of respect for him. The thanks that I've got was that he is grinding me whenever he gets a chance. He will now try deliberately to sabotage any of my projects. I wish it was just paranoia from my side, but unfortunatly I've been proven right everytime. I went over his head to his boss and discussed the problem. Results from that discussion was that my boss said in a meeting in our department that it will not turn out good for a person if you go over his head because he makes all the decisions and that his boss can only advice him but cannot take away his control over our department. I have to fight my own battles but it is taking its toll. I'm feeling down for days after an incident and is then not very productive. It frustrates me because he is winning because I cannot control my emotions enough by not getting upset about his poor behaviour. Any idea on how to grow a thicker skin? The unfairness of his behaviour is getting to me and that he gets away with it everytime without any repercussions.

vrolik,

First you do not know if what he has said about his power is true.
He appears to be a first rate bully!

In this situation, mindfulness with be a great help to you. It will put space between you and your anger; btw you and the response he wants to see. If you stay calm and do not react the way he wants you to, he looses power over you. The game is not fun anymore.

we can not control other peoples action or reactions, we can only control ours, and give ourselves control and peace.

This does not reduce your frustration, especially in the beginning. Remember, it is just a job, not a competition. Your life is bigger than your career. You will eventually move on from this job. So use it as a learning experience to deal with difficult people and your day in the sun will come in the future.

hppt://www.mindful.org for helpful articals and references on mindfulness and how to deal with daily life stressors. I highly recommend a browse.

Wishing you peace and strength.
Trina.

Yes, covering you butt is never a bad idea. Never know when the truth is needed.

Trina

Thanks for the advice. I am going to start a diary immediatly, noting everything he says and does. I've even recorded some of our meetings with my cell phone. I am planning to out last him at work. Luckily he has to retire in 5 years from now. I also try to keep him in the dark about my work - makes it more difficult for him to take over and take credit.
It helps to vent in this forum. My husband is a prosecutor and has thus a very stressful work. I do not want to bother him at home with my petty fights at work.

Hey Vrolik,

Unfortunately, when you went over your boss's head, you firmly attached a target to your own back.  As long as you are his subordinate, you are probably "hosed" as it were.  Documenting all your work and your interactions with your boss is the only way you have of protecting yourself for the time being.  However, if your boss is "well respected" and not liable to go anywhere in the near future, your hope to "outlast" him is probably a pipe dream.  Talking to someone in the Human Resources department(I'm assuming there is one where you work) could buy you some time in your current position, but you might be better served to see if there isn't a position you could transfer to where you would have a different superior. 

I've been in this position myself more than once, and sometimes no matter how hard you try or how well you document your value to your employer, it may just be a "no win" situation.  Once I found myself in the situation where "someone's head has to roll" and I ended up being the fall guy due to absolutely no fault of my own.  My only saving grace was that it was openly known that I had done such a great job, I was able to find a position with a competing company who's management I had worked for previously.  Think about what your other options are now, before you are put in a position of having to make a change involuntarily.

BEST OF LUCK!

Leigh Ann

That in itself, is a step forward! Congratulations.

Trina

You do need to tell yourself it doesn't matter and just do the work that you are there to do. Then it wont effect you so much. It is hard when people are bucking the system and doing what they want to. But obviously he has that power. You can't let him get to you and ruin your day. Keep doing what you are there for and then try not to carry it home with you. You will be able to do this. Keep practicing.

Hugs, Karen