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Posted 11/25/2012 6:43 AM (GMT 0)
I don't even care if anyone reads this, but
I just needed to let it out.

I feel so empty and lonely. Feels like it's never
going to end. Been battling depression for
a year with what seems like no avail.
I know it's more than likely caused by other health
problems, but that doesn't change the fact that
I still experiencing the depression symptoms.

I don't like who I am and who I've become. This is
not me. I don't even rember what "normal" feels like.
Nothing fulfills me anymore. Even in the situations that
are supposed to make me the happiest, I find myself
looking for some relief. I can't enjoy my life to the fullest,
and that's killing me. I am too young to not be enjoying
my life. Feel like I am losing the "best" years of my life
and I can't so a thing about it.

I just need a reminder that one day it will end. I don't like
feeling that all is worthless. :(
Posted 11/25/2012 9:46 AM (GMT 0)
MA10,

Hi and welcome to the forum. Things do get better. Are you seeing a doctor? A therapist? Both of these things really help and are a good place to start if you aren't already doing so. We all can become somebody we don't like when we get depressed. I have had times where I couldn't stand to be around myself. It comes and goes.

We all need to be proactive with our help to get better. So if you aren't already seeing a therapist and a doc, please start. It might be the only way to get better. Getting good self help books really is helpful. There are many out there too.

Learn to take life one day at a time and live in the moment. Little things like that go a long way. And keep posting because it really does help...

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/25/2012 9:57 AM (GMT 0)
THERAPY IS THE BEST MOVE I HAVE EVER MADE,
IN TERMS OF MY WELLNESS. AM SENDING YOU MANY COMPASSIONATE
THOUGHTS YOUR WAY. KEEP POSTING, WE UNDERSTAND AND CARE,

PS USE OF CAPS DUE TO VISION LOSS.

WITH HEALING COMPASSION,
JAMIE
Posted 11/25/2012 10:12 AM (GMT 0)
Hey MA10

I was just scrolling through the Healing Well forum and your post was the first one I read.

Why are you feeling so low, do you want to talk about it?  Have you been to a doctor to speak about your health issues and your depression?  I know sometimes that is easier said than done but if I were you I would try and get in and see a doctor asap and he might be able to help you with some counselling as well, that is always a big help.

I also suffer with depression, but you know what since I went to the doctor and got some meds I am feeling a whole lot better.  I think the best thing you can do is also talk about what is troubling you, you can talk to the people on this forum, they are all really nice.  I know that for a fact because I have made two very special friends just by being on this forum.

I don't know whether you are male or female, but that doesn't matter.  I hope you will answer and I also hope that I have been of some help to you.

Regards

Harrington 49

 

Posted 11/25/2012 12:12 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Harrington49,

Glad to see you post!!!

You have given some very good advice. Will be talking to you later... Looking forward to it!!!

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/25/2012 2:21 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the replies. I have been seeing a doc
for about a year now. Also been seeing therapists
and counselors for a while too.

I don't know. Like you hve all said. It comes and goes.
Not sure why one particular day is worse than others.
I am on Wellbutrin 150mg xl.
Posted 11/25/2012 2:53 PM (GMT 0)
I wonder if a mood stabilizer added would help. That is what I had to do. I take abilify along with pristiq. They work good together...

Best wishes, keep posting...

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/26/2012 1:29 AM (GMT 0)
I have lived with depression for decades --through varying therapists, medications, & therapies and amazingly, one can survive; despite the roller coaster elements of this disease... If the doc/medication is not working out for you, just try, try, & try again until you find the relief you seek. Don't give up and keep expressing your feelings to others, so you don't feel you are going into this battle alone. You are not alone and we are here for you! peace out!
Posted 11/26/2012 3:07 AM (GMT 0)
MA10. I feel the same way. I am so depressed I just wish I could sleep forever.
Posted 11/26/2012 3:23 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Tired19,

Have you talked to your doctor about your fatigue? There are methods to fight it. Natural and pharmacological. Let your doctor know what is going on. You need to get rest, but at the right time. I was a night owl for awhile... Felt like a vampire. lol...

Take care

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/26/2012 3:25 AM (GMT 0)
Today the anxiety has come back. That just comes with the depression I think. Been a rough one. I have DEFINITELY got to get in with a counselor this week. eeeh.

Thanks so much for the support. I definitely need it. Not a lot of people around me can sympathize nor do they try.
Posted 11/26/2012 7:12 PM (GMT 0)
Hey MA10

We get it!! WE REALLY DO. I was on welbutrin 300xl for 5 years so maybe upping the dose and/or adding mood stabilizer, as Karen said, might be needed. Be very frank w/ therapists-tell them you are still struggling.

Keep posting
Mags
Posted 11/26/2012 9:38 PM (GMT 0)
I have to drive to see my therapist tomorrow. It is an hour away. I always have a hard time going, the ride there and back is long. The therapy is close to an hour and does me good. It is like you all say, leaving the house that is hard. Luckily my appointment isn't until 2:00 in the afternoon. I am glad. That helps especially in the winter.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/27/2012 7:59 PM (GMT 0)
I got in with my counselor. I have an appoinent for tomorrow morning at 11. So nervous.

The doc finally contacted me. Finally going to see if we can get some anxiety relief.
Posted 11/27/2012 9:03 PM (GMT 0)
That is wonderful news MA10. Best of luck to you!

Stay strong, things will get better.
Trina
Posted 11/27/2012 10:15 PM (GMT 0)
Great news MA10!!!

You wil be feeling better in no time. I saw my therapist today and got scripts. It is such a long ways, but it went well. I am tired though.

Hugs...
Posted Yesterday 2:15 AM (GMT 0)
I don't know why I get so scared and anxious about going and seeing her. haha. It happens to me every time. And then when I get in there, it's all good.

I will post tomorrow and let you all know how it went. :D
Posted Yesterday 7:31 PM (GMT 0)
Counseling...well...went. At least I made it through without having an attack (it was coming on for sure). She encouraged me to go get a second opinion about my other health stuff. Overall, I think it was a good meeting. Allowed me to get focused in again on the things that count the most and put aside all of the general anxieties.
Posted Yesterday 8:43 PM (GMT 0)
I had therapy yesterday. It went well. It is such a long drive though, I don't know if I can continue going often.

I am glad that you made it through counseling. When do you go back. I go every couple of months now. I use to go more often.

Focussing on what is most important is a good thing to do. The rest comes up if it needs to. One day at a time...

Hugs, Karen
Posted Yesterday 9:21 PM (GMT 0)
MA10 so glad you went and completed a session! This is very good news. Huge step in starting your healing journey.

Karen is correct in focusing of what is most important in your present life, not the past.

I go to therapy every week and then I see my Pysch doc. for an hour once a month. I still have a lot to say though!

Stay with it, try keeping a journal of your thoughts as they come. It may help you deal with the emotions.

Wishing you peace.
Trina
Posted Today 6:52 AM (GMT 0)
I am fortunate to have a very accessible counselor. I didn't set up another meeting with her, but she said that if I just needed somewhere to land or if I could tell that it was getting time for another session then I could schedule one and get it almost immediately.

I am doing all of the right things. Now I just need and long to see some results. It's been a long year fighting but some how, maybe, I can hang on a little bit longer. Man, every day is such a struggle. Often makes me wonder if it is worth it, but I am too hard headed to quit. Quitting is not an option!

Thank you all for the advice and encouragement to keep going and striving towards getting the help needed.
Posted Today 1:26 PM (GMT 0)
Good luck, and keep pushing forward. Do make another appointment if you feel the need.

Hugs, Karen
Posted Today 1:36 PM (GMT 0)
Results are hard to see without continued counseling.

If I look back in my journals from the last 2 years, I can see progress. So see if you can do some sort of journaling, there are many kinds. Do some research, maybe start with a guided journal.

There is a work book " Writing for emotional Balance" short and effective.

Art work helps this progress also, anything that helps you express emotions and leaves a trail will be great for you at this point! Use Your gut and imagination.

I wish you strength and peace!
Trina
Posted 11/30/2012 12:19 AM (GMT 0)
Up, down, up,down. I feel like I am getting motion sick on this roller coaster ride called life. Is there no stability anymore? Can't I just have two good days in a row? Guess that's too much to ask of my brain chemicals right now. Pretty down this evening. I really want to be able to rest, but it's like my brain won't stop spinning, all in the wrong direction. I feel really sick and fragile at the moment. Just wishing life was different. I am tired of existing. I would love to start living again. Going through the motions of life is not fun whatsoever. Right now in my life, I see no point in my future because it just means that I will have to live another day like today. :( But...just keep reminding myself that I am NOT a quitter.
Posted 11/30/2012 2:11 AM (GMT 0)
I am glad that you are not a quitter MA10,

Have you ever tried meditation or mindfulness? It really helps when you can't shur your mind off. Try to take life one day at a time. This really helps too. And try not to project negativity into the future. Doing so makes it so that is all that you see. And if you don't see any positive, the negative will over power it.

All these things take practice. And time to work. But they are things that we ourselves can do and they are free help.

Keep pushing forward, and keep posting. Put your mind towards seeing the bright side of things, no matter how small it seems. Eventually it will be easier to see. Know that we all care and are thinking of you. And are here for you too. We go through the motions until we can actually be there. You can do this.

Hugs, Karen

PS  are you bipolar or have you ever been tested for it?  Just curious with the up and down emotional rollercoaster...

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