New here and feeling lost

Hi I just signed in here today for the first time. I have been diagnosed with depression for years but have mainly kept it in control until recently. about 10 months ago my ex-wife asked me to come stay with her because she has severe PTSD and couldn't take care of her house or deal with people on a daily basis. After a couple of months of discussion I reluctantly agreed on the condition she start seeking help for her problem.Well after seven months of taking care of her property, cleaning, and cooking,while she traveled somewhere different every couple of weeks, she said she wanted me to leave because when she was home it made her uncomfortable to have someone else in her house.I was ok with all of this started looking for another place to live (putting in applications) and a job just asked her to give me a little time to get some responses. She told no problem take whatever time I needed. Then 2 days later because I hadn't received any response yet she threw a full out fit said she didn't believe I was trying and told everyone she knew I was taking advantage of her.I swear all I tried to do was help and I was looking for a place to live and a job liked she asked. So to relieve her stress I packed up what I could in my car and left. That was a month ago, my savings are almost gone come Monday I will be homeless and I haven't been able to find a job. It isn't from lack of trying I spend most of the days putting in applications and checking up on them. I feel like a fool for trying to help someone who wont help herself. I feel like a loser because I can't find a job.I can't sleep because I keep waking up not able to breathe with my heart pounding. I feel what is the point of continuing to try. I am 49 years old my only real friend is my miniature schnauzer and I am about to be sleeping in my car. Sorry this is so long and rambling but I just had to get this out. I am so tired, lonely,and feel like the cloud over my head is never going away.Thanks for listening.Sorry if I seem whiney

Thanks Karen and yes I did give up a job to help her. Even though we are divorced I gave my word I would look after her. When she needed help I felt it was my obligation to do so. I doubt she cares about my situation since it doesn't effect her. Oh wow that sounds bitter and truly I am not . Just getting all this off my chest has helped. She had me questioning myself and my motives with her accusations and it was feeling like what I am going through was a punishment. But I know things will work out if I just keep trying. There are a lot of people worse off than me maybe I just needed to remember that. Thank you for your reply. Dave

welcome Dave!

I will pray for you, maybe that will help with the job situation.
In the meantime, you can go to your local Catholic charities and see what they have in the way of housing. You do not have to be Catholic to benefit. At the very least, you may find pet food for your pup and bottle water for you.

There is no shame in asking for help, especially since someone has just "stolen" the shirt literally off your back.

I wish you peace and strength and the ability to continue to post here for the support!

Trina

You are very welcome Dave, we are all behind and around you!
You are NOT alone!

Trina

Hi Dave.  I feel so incredibly sorry that you're all alone in this world without close family and friends to help you in this dreadful situation.  Your situation is one of the worst that I've read on the depression forum of Healingwell.  I feel extremely blessed after reading about your situation.  I'm also dealing with depression and have no close family or very close friends.  That's where our similarities end.  I'm a retired senior with a nice home and income.  I couldn't imagine being in your situation.  I feel guility that I can't help you but you certainly have helped me.  I was feeling a bit down today but after reading about what you're going through I realize that I have a lot to be thankful for.  I don't have any magic words that will lift you and make you feel better.  I'm just hoping that a job will come your way and you'll find a home and move on with your life. 

It's true that no matter how bad off we are someone else out there is worst off.  You truly deserve a break.  Sincerest best wishes. 

Hi Dave,

Glad to hear the interview went well.

Prayers still coming your way for a positive outcome. If you get to anxious remember to concentrate on your breath, breath in slowly let it out slowly, at least 3 times in a row. This will help keep you calm.

Wishing you peace and strength
Trina

Just an update. Had a interview for another job on Friday. I should hear something Monday. I would like to once again thank everyone for your prayers and support. I don't usually complain or talk about my problems. Yesterday I just couldn't take it anymore and felt like I was going to burst. Your kindness and advice took the edge off my panic and let me breath and think again.Thank you and you will all be in my prayers.I will keep you updated and if I can help any of you,even if it is just a sympathetic ear, please let me know. Peace and healing to you all. Dave

Dave43,

Thanks for the kind word you gave me on my post earlier. I appreciate your willingness to let others in and see you struggling. That takes courage. Praying for you dude. It's going to be cool to see how He uses this for His good.

--MA10

"This is not like me I hardly ever cry and especially without a cause". But you do have a reason to cry and feel scared and desperate. Dave, I feel so sorry for you. I'm also angry at your ex-wife that has placed you in this situation. You gave up a job to help your ex-wife and it backfired. Sadly, all we can do here is listen and offer you some hope. This is not going to pay your rent. What makes it especially difficult is that you're dealing with depression which makes matters worst.

I don't know where you live. Here in NYC, we have lots of non profit organizations that help those in your situation and the City also helps. Reach out to any organization or Government Agency that can help you. Consider Welfare, Food Stamps and Housing Assistance. Do whatever it takes to survive. You really need to see a County/City Social Worker that can help you thru the process of applying for Assistance. In most cities, you have City owned hospitals that have social workers that help the poor.

I don't know what else to say. Your situation makes me appreciate all that I have. You have helped me yet I can't personally help you.

Dave43,

Have faith in God, a second interview came along with in a week. That is amazing in this job market!

You have had your cleansing crying jag, you will be strong for the 2nd interview and/or start of the job!

Your dog will be just fine, the little pup is your rock at the moment, soak in his love and let shine when you go out on these interviews. The unconditional love of dogs I believe shows us that there is a God that helps us through the worse times of our lives.

Today is Monday, please post as soon as you can and let us know the out come.

Peace and strength for you.

Trina

Do look into the Catholic Charities and other helpful institutions in your area. I hate to see anybody homeless. This does make me feel badly for you. I am glad that you have internet access. That really does help your situation...

Check out the department of social services. They can help you get on your feet again. Are there any homeless shelters in your area? You need to look into a place to stay so you can sleep at night. Hang in there. Know we are all thinking of you...

Keep us posted.

Hugs, Karen

Dave,

Keep hanging in there, and keep posting. Are you in a warm climate? It is cold where I am. Too cold for anyone to sleep in a vehicle... I worry about that.

Know that we are all here for you...

Take care...

Hugs, Karen

This is fantastic news. Keep postig so that we know what is going on.

Hugs, Karen