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Posted 12/5/2012 4:19 PM (GMT 0)
I found out how lucky I was last night to have my car to sleep in. Met a ex-marine last night about my age sitting outside a gas station I stopped at to buy a bottle of water. He has ptsd and is addicted to alcohol.He is sleeping in a sleeping bag under some trees near their dumpster. His wife dear John'd him when he was serving and when he came home to nothing and no one. I sat and talked with him for a hour and bought him some food. Makes me feel kind of ashamed for how upset I got about my situation. Wish I could have helped him more. Dave
Posted 12/5/2012 4:43 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Dave,

You are so sweet to buy that guy some food. I am sure he really appreciated it. We will always find others worse off than us. It does humble us. But it doens't make our problems any less significant. We still have to deal. Yes you are lucky to have a car to sleep in. But it would be even nicer to have a bed. You will get there. Thank God for people who are as kind as you are. Remember that...

I hope that you have a good day...

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 12/5/2012 4:46 PM (GMT 0)
Dave,

I have tears in my eyes for your joy and your pain. I am so happy that you were blessed with both job offers! I am sure you will do fine with which ever one you take.

Your compassion for your fellow human beings will come back to you 10 fold and more. It is amazing what the human spirit can endure.
There is a reason you have to go through this struggle, understatement I know, the character you are showing now will get you that great job and carry you on in the future.

Thank you Lord for answering our prayers for David.

Stay strong.
Trina
Posted 12/6/2012 9:03 PM (GMT 0)
Did something extremely stupid today. Since I start my new job tomorrow and didn't want my dog to have to sit in the car all day called my ex and asked her if I could borrow enough money for 2 weeks rent. I knew it was stupid as soon as she answered the phone and said "What the hell do you want". Kind of went downhill from there. I really don't know what I did to her that she thinks is so bad. I have always help her anyway I could when she would ask and this is the first time I have ever asked her help. I am not sure how someone dismisses 23 years of friendship without a explanation. Anyway she says she would think about it. I told her thanks and said I wouldn't have asked but.... At that point she started shouting and hung up. I feel guilty but honestly to the best of my knowledge I didn't do anything wrong. Dave
Posted 12/6/2012 9:24 PM (GMT 0)
It sounds as if it is just her and the way that she is. I wouldn't take anything she say, or the way that she acts personal. But I would pay back the money and then avoid her. I think it would be in your best interest. If she lends it to you... Is there a kennel that you could afford until you get a place? I know, nobody really likes to kennel their dogs. I hope that she lends you the money. She should, really, after all you have done for her. She was probably just annoyed and reacted strongly. Not a very good personality trait though.

Take it with a grain of salt.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 12/6/2012 10:06 PM (GMT 0)
Well wonders never cease she agreed not only to lend me the money as long as I never contact her again. Seeing as how this was what I had in mind anyway I was only to happy to agree. No more sleeping in the car and I have 2 jobs. Santa must love me....lol. Also I forgot I had a session with a therapist yesterday and he will see me for 7 more weeks free with a grant from the United Way. I will still need you all and I will try to be there for anyone I can but I am kind of giddy right now. Dave
Posted 12/6/2012 10:31 PM (GMT 0)
So very happy that things worked out for you. I agree, pay her asap and be done with her.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 12/6/2012 11:06 PM (GMT 0)
You know I have wondered for years why I put up with her. I guess it was the memories of when we were married and our children. I felt obligated to help her because she had no one else. But no matter how mad she made me I would never have done to her what she just did to me. Well this is the last straw God and the children will just have to understand. I think for the first time in years I am going to church on Sunday and give thanks and try to get my faith back. I never really thought about it but after the kids died it was my ex who pulled me farther and farther away from the church. Time to put my life together again and move on.
Posted 12/6/2012 11:27 PM (GMT 0)
Dave,

I have to agree with JB and Karen, but with your personality I can see you hanging in there for 23 years. Your ex is hurting and does not know what to do with her pain. I am glad she came through for you, shows there is heart left to be saved. However, it obviously is not your job to save her any longer. Time to move on.

I don't think you lost your faith, you are using it. You bought that guy food didn't you? Faith is action as much as prayer, I pray your sorrow lessens and your joy continues to grow as you deserve it.

Very good news about about therapy and the United Way, I did not even think of them! See we all learn.

God Bless you in your new work and may he bless your canine companion too!

Stay strong
Trina
Posted 12/11/2012 9:47 PM (GMT 0)
Dave,

just wondering how things are going for you in your new jobs and if you have found a place to live yet.

You remain in my prayers even if your faith has not returned.

Warmest wishes for peace and strength
Trina
Posted 12/12/2012 12:10 AM (GMT 0)
Been working quite a bit and do have a place to stay. The weirdest thing is happening to me though. Any time I am not busy I get feeling panicky. Like something bad is just waiting to happen. There is no reason for this feeling but it is there. I know just how lucky I am and appreciate the things I have especially considering where I was last week. But I just can't shake this feeling. Oh well maybe it will pass once I get settled. Thanks for the support and the prayers I really appreciate them.
Posted 12/12/2012 1:32 AM (GMT 0)
I am happy for you too. If the doom feeling keeps on, do talk to somebody. But I too wonder if it isn't from your recent situation. Do take things one day at a time.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 12/12/2012 2:58 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Dave,

thanks so much for posting. I also think the "Doom" feelings are aftershocks of what you have gone through. You held it all together for so long and made it.

Now it is over and your mind can't quite relax and say ok we are fine.
It will take some time I guess to get use to the idea of safety. I think you will be fine though. If it become problematic, you should talk to someone.

Give your dog a hug for us and you take good care.
Keep posting here if it helps you we always listen and will be supportive.

Stay strong
Trina
Posted 12/15/2012 5:41 AM (GMT 0)
Sorry I haven't been posting much been working 13 hour days. When I told my boss I had another job offer that starts next month both she and her boss pulled me aside. They said they don't want to lose me and are willing to promote me and pay me more than the other job is offering. I am tempted to stay it is nice to feel wanted but the job is physical and I go home so sore every night I can barely move. Of course as I get used to it my body will adjust. It is a nice problem to have. Other than the "doom" feelings I think I am back under control. This forum was a life saver and I have told anyone I meet who needs some help about it. I even told my therapist and he said he would let some of his patients know who need a friendly place to go and talk. So once again I thank you all. Oh and Trina I love your quote from Breath.
Posted 12/15/2012 12:38 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Dave,

Sounds like things are going well for you. You have accomplished a lot in a short period of time. How is the pooch? If the doom continues, you may want to talk to a doc about something for anxiety. That is how my anxiety gets. I feel like the world is coming to an end. So stay on top of that.

Good luck with things. Keep us posted on how you are doing. And thanks for spreading the word about HealingWell.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 12/16/2012 6:13 PM (GMT 0)
I haven't really decided yet. It is nice to be wanted but I am not sure that I am capable of the consistent effort the position requires. I just feel so tired and sad all the time. It isn't just the doom feelings either. It is more of a what is the point. I worked very hard all my life,supported a family,and saved money. My family is all dead except for my ex and I no longer have any savings.I worked hard to start getting back in shape over the last year and had lost 60 pounds. Since all this began I have put almost all the weight back on and I feel horrible again. I just don't know if I have it in me to start from scratch again. I am trying to take things one day at a time but it just seems like one long bleak day. Sorry for the downer message.I just needed to let some one know.
Posted 12/16/2012 7:58 PM (GMT 0)
You have accomplished a lot in a very short period of time, that alone can become overwhelming. You just got out of a stressful situation with your ex. All of this takes a toll on a person. You went from helping her, to homeless and sleeping in your car to having a (two?) job and an apartment. Think of all you have accomplished and be proud of yourself. Relax with the idea that for the moment, things are going well. I know it is hard. You go from turmoil to innerpeace. I think we are afraid that it wont last. But it can and it will.

Take life one day at a time. Relax and enjoy life. Maybe it is time to start some kind of a project to keep your mind busy. Is there something that you like to do? Even if it is just a crossword puzzle. But it is nice to do something that you can watch grow and become something intirely different. Take the time to think about it, maybe start a journal so you can see how far you have come.

Best wishes...

Hugs, Karen
Posted 12/19/2012 3:11 AM (GMT 0)
Well here I go again. I was suppose to get paid Saturday. Since I am staying at at a hotel I had to give an address for them to mail my check. Got a person I work with to let me give her PO Box to have my check delivered to. Today the post office told her they sent the check back because my name wasn't on the box. Now they say once they get the check back they will send it to the store. Of course at this point not only am I completely broke but my hotel room has to be paid for on Thursday which I don't see anyway of that happening so it will be back to the car. I swear it feels like someone is trying to see just how much I can take before I just lay down and quit.
Posted 12/19/2012 3:38 AM (GMT 0)
Don't let this get you down, these things happen. Murphey's law... Get yourself a PO box. It would be the best thing to do until you get a place. I am sure that they will get this straightened out in no time. But I would see aobut getting a box of your own for now.

I hope things get better. But remember these are just bumps in the road. Don't let it get you down. You will get by until this is straightened out. Can your friend lend you a few bucks until you get your check? To get that pobox and keep your room???

Hugs, Karen
Posted 12/19/2012 4:06 AM (GMT 0)
Can't afford a PO Box. I spent my last $3.00 on gas. So I won't even be able to get to work after that is gone. Also it seems my transmission may be going out on the car. The girl who let me use her PO box doesn't have any money she has 5 kids and another one on the way. I wouldn't dream of asking her for more help than the use of the box. I am just really down and out tonight. Maybe tomorrow will be better but I don't hold out any real hope. Think I am just going back to bed. Thanks for the advice I just can't see the light at the end. Dave
Posted 12/19/2012 6:07 AM (GMT 0)
Dave, want you to know I too am praying for you, your not alone. To the forum moderators and all that have replied to Daves posts, you are al very supportive, compassionate...God Bless us all...
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