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Posted 12/31/2012 3:14 AM (GMT 0)

Hey guys,

I've been thinking about something for awhile that only today was I able to put into words. I realized I'm angry that I am depressed. I'm very angry because I've tried so hard to improve my life so that my depression goes away, but nothing has worked. I'm just plain angry. I feel hopeless and lost, like it will never end.

Basically, I've had depression for about 3 years now, without a break. It has actually gotten progressively worse. I wasn't even aware I was depressed until about a year and a half ago, but I recognize now, looking back, that I was depressed for a full year and a half before dicovering it was in fact depression.

The best way I know how to describe my depression is that I don't enjoy things anymore the way I used to. I feel alone and empty a lot. I feel overwhelmed much of the time. It's hard to even go through a normal day now. Doing basic tasks is difficult because the motivation is often not there. Three years ago, life was joyful and full of interest. Things actually "look" empty. When I open my eyes each morning, it's like looking through a pair of lenses with the wrong prescription. Things just don't look happy anymore. They're dull, empty, emotionless. I want more than anything to feel right again. I just don't know how.

I've tried supplements, counseling, exercise, eating healthy, drinking lots of water, getting enough sleep, becoming more involved in social stuff, and more recently, meditation. I haven't  been doing meditation long, but it has made me feel the most at peace and relaxed. My mind is always going-anxious, is a good word for it. I think that this has a huge part to do with my depression, but I'm not certain. I've considered taking anti-depressants for a long time, but I have waited to see if everything else would work or not before then. I've heard it helps some people a lot, while doing nothing for others. Anybody have feedback on using them?

Anyways, I'm not trying to be all doom and gloom. I just wanna be thorough. If any of you guys has any advice or something you can relate with, or just anything that you think would help, please tell me. Feedback would be greatly appreciated :)

~LookingUp

Posted 12/31/2012 5:16 AM (GMT 0)
I can totally relate to the way you're feeling. Depression runs in my family and I've been dealing with it most of my life. I have to be on meds and it took me a long time to accept that I need them. That doesn't mean you would need to be on them forever. However, I would suggest meeting with a therapist & discussing how you're feeling and what the right steps for you would be.

I've been very depressed with the holidays and my therapist told me I need to get back to exercising. That definitely helps get the endorphins going which helps stabilize mood. It's just hard to motivate yourself when you feel so down & empty. It's like why bother...But trust me it does work.

Your mind going anxious, that's from the depression. The more time I have to think the more my mind runs off and at times I can't seem to stop it. Of course when it runs off it's never anything positive. It's always negative. You would think it would be easy to stop these thoughts, but it's not. This is something the medication will help with too. I know when my mind starts to take off I need to find something to occupy it. Sometimes I read if I can stay focused, watch movies, do word puzzles, etc. Anything I can to keep my mind occupied so I'm not overwhelmed with negative feelings.

I'm not one who is big on taking medication for everything, nor do I agree on pushing meds on anyone, but if you've tried everything else, why not give the anti-depressants a try? I currently take 20 mgs Lexapro, 300 mgs Wellbutrin XR, & .05 Xanax XR because I have anxiety too. This combination works well for me unless I come across a major problem in life and sometimes I need to increase a little, but I always come back down to my regular doses.

Your doctor will determine what is right for you. We all react to drugs differently and are at different places in life. Please don't let the fact that I've been on meds so long deter you from trying it. Many people go on anti-depressants for a bit and then slowly stop taking them and they're fine. They just need a little jump start so to speak to get back on track. As far as people who say anti-depressants do nothing for them, a.) you have to give them time to work & b.) sometimes you need to try more than one to get the one that works best for you.

I'd be happy to answer any questions you may have. I sincerely understand what you are going through and I know it's not easy, but you've taken all the right steps to get better. Talk to a therapist. It's important to find one you like & trust. You have to be honest with them in order for them to help you. You also have to commit to going to your appointments. You can't go a few times & expect to be all better. I hope this helps.

Please know you can be happy & enjoy life again. It's just going to take a little work.
Hang in there!
Posted 12/31/2012 5:15 PM (GMT 0)
Aineadele,

Sometimes, even when we do all the right things, depression gets the better of us.

This is because depression is an Illness and has to be treated as one in most people. I would make an appointment with your doctor and try low dosage to see what happens.

Don't stop all the good things you are doing, medication only does about 50% of the job for depression, we the person have to do the other part.

Stay strong and I wish you peace.
Trina
Posted 1/1/2013 3:32 AM (GMT 0)
For some of us depression is a lifetime burden. There can be many causes, as well. I think that's why some people get "cured".
Personally, I need an antidepressant. I was so depressed that I just stayed in bed. I lost all motivation. I got divorced, and my depression made my thinking so bad that I just let him everything. I ended up living in my car. I hated myself. Literally, I knew that I needed to get my life together but I was letting the depression win.
I tried many alternatives. For me, Cymbalta let's me have a full normal range of emotion. It's the best I've felt. I have the motivation now to be the mom my kids need and while its not what I wanted its not a hopeless life anymore.
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