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New to the forum, Jessie...

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Depression
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Posted 12/31/2012 9:09 PM (GMT 0)
I have been struggling with depression for the past few years. Some brief background I grew up in a cultish religion which I left at 20 (I am now 27). Everyone from that religion cut me off when I stopped going.

When I left the religion, I moved to CA with an emotionally abusive boyfriend who I broke up with a few years later. I have been in therapy in the past about this and took meds but I do not like their side effects.

I began hating my life when I started a career I saw no way out of. I am actually successful and am almost done with my doctorate. However, I cannot find any happiness.

Everyday I experience anxiety...I have social anxiety disorder. I am exhausted. I have no motivation or enjoyment of anything anymore. I am tired of humanity, greed, materialism....everything

My younger brother who was 17 committed suicide in September. I was very close to him when we were younger and mothered him.

I just don't see a point in life. I am just very tired. I have tried every depression treatment and am an expert in psychology. The only solution i can see is to leave and start a new life. I am considering Europe or something. I am hopeful I can find a culture where I fit in. Otherwise there isn't much hope...

Jessie,  I gave your thread a title so you will get more responses.  Welcome to the forum!!!

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 12/31/2012 3:41:31 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 1/1/2013 1:48 AM (GMT 0)
Jessie,

So sorry for the loss of your brother, this was most likely the trigger for mdd episode you are in.
there is a saying "Doctor heal thyself" but you can't because you are to close to the problem.

Running as JB said, will not work. You already know that.

EMDR maybe something you might want to look into. Yes, you know you could be repressing memories. If not, maybe it will help you get past the guilt and hurt. I was abused for 15 years and can not face this treatment yet.

DBT works for me when my emotions get in worldwind as you describe. Holding ice in my hands til it hurts, brings the levels down to a managable state.

You may be an expert but are you using the tools that you know?

Medicine only does 50% if the job for us that have depression, we have to do the rest. It is not easy, but we learn.

I wish you strength and Peace. Keep posting here. We support, listen and care about each other, truely.

Trina
Posted 1/1/2013 1:52 AM (GMT 0)
i feel the same way. hopeless.
Posted 1/1/2013 2:23 AM (GMT 0)
I know the feeling of loss and how you are hurting. Running, as everyone pointed out wont be a depression fixer, but maybe you could do a small vacation. Maybe somewhere in honor of your brother. I did this and helped give me some closure.
You are an intelligent woman and you have a lot to give. There's all sorts of things you can do. With depression getting out of the door can be the hardest part. I know you said you experience social anxiety, maybe you need a medication change.
Do you have friends that maybe you could make plans with in a place you're comfortable in? That's how I handle it. It really has a good effect on my anxiety and depression.
Posted 1/3/2013 5:47 PM (GMT 0)
Hi I appreciate the responses. No I do not use my knowledge to help myself just others. I like the idea of edmr. I have never tried that and am interested.
Posted 1/3/2013 6:15 PM (GMT 0)
Well Jessie, there is the first speed bump to get over. What makes you so different from others.

Besides all the nice things I could say to you, do you not have an obligation as a doctor to be the best you can be for your patients?

If you would do it for someone you care about, then I would say you need to start looking at self-love and its practice. Long road ahead, we are here for you.

Peace
Trina
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