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Posted 6/6/2005 8:31 AM (GMT 0)
Hello.

I need help. I'm a depressive 27 years old woman, which has tried therapy and drugs to eradicate her depressive condition, but nothing has ever worked. I should be happy and gratefull for all I have but I don't seem to do so. I'm sad, deeply sad, wounded inside and it hurts a lot. My life seems to be controlled by my emotions and I feel lonely beyond explanation. I have a caring family, loving friends, a stable job....but it feels like there is no purpose, no goal in my life. I sometimes wish I could sleep 23 hours a day and forget this life. I've been a cutter when I was a teen, and it helped me more than therapy or drugs because it made me feel alive. But I stopped it because I knew it was wrong and the scars I bare will remember me what happened for all of my life.

I'm a sad person who tries to fake happiness, a shy girl who pretends to be strong,  a  nerd who thinks she's intelligent. I want to stop faking, want to stop being what I am and also don't want to change into someone else. I feel ugly, useless, doomed and isolated.
I'm so tired.
I know that there are people who have been strong enough to get out of this and I would be grateful if someone told me how...

Thanks

May God bless you

Gaia

Posted 6/6/2005 9:26 AM (GMT 0)
hi gaia, you've just got to stay strong

i'm sorry about the way you feel, but know that

depression is an illness, and i think for most of us who are inflicted

just learn each day to cope with it, either with therapy, meds, support groups, a good diet, excercise etc...

i'm 53 and to this day i can't get out of it, i have no choice but to live with it, and make the best of it.  don't let depression get you down, you've got too much going on in your life that is wonderful, hold on to it, and take it one day at ta time.

maybe you can go back to therapy?

wishing you a serene day

raraus25

Posted 6/6/2005 12:48 PM (GMT 0)
thank you a lot Raraus....I am thinking of going back into therapy indeed, but I just can't seem to find the right one for me. I do try to see the wonderful world I have been given to live in but sometimes, it just all crashed down on me.
How do you cope with it? Do hobbies help? I know that you, like all of us, don't have all the answers, but maybe exchanging experience might be helping. :-)
Thanks anyway for having taken the time to write.
Have a wonderful day
Gaya
Posted 6/6/2005 3:20 PM (GMT 0)
i don't know how i cope, but what i do know, i take it step by step
sometimes one day at a time, and sometimes from hour to hour, from moment to moment.
all i really do know is numbing myself makes me feel a lot worse than before i numbed myself, therefore, drugs and alcohol are off my list of pleasures.
sharing on a forum like you're doing now, a place to vent, be heard, identify with others is great weather you find a therapist or not.
just take it easy and remember that you've got a lot of good in you, just that we don't feel it, but you do.
raraus25
Posted 6/6/2005 6:52 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Gaia, if we could just snap out of it none of us would be posting here. I know that it took me several tries before I found a therapist that helps me. Remember that it is all about baby steps. By putting one foot barely in front of the other we are moving. The important thing I found in my life is that movement is in whatever direction I am facing. If I face deeper into my depression, that is where I will go. If I make the difficult effort to face the direction of help, reaching out, breaking the chains of depression, it is the direction I will travel. I do so in small steps, one foot barely in front of the other.
Posted 6/7/2005 1:58 AM (GMT 0)
Welcome Gaia!!!

Randy has some good advice for you and so did raraus25. *welcome raraus!!!*

I just wanted to add my welcome and encouragement. Yes . . . no matter what journey we take it starts with one step!!

Blessings!
Posted 7/20/2005 6:23 PM (GMT 0)
Gaia please get help. I am exactal where you are today. no hope, no goals, feel like i'm just exsisting taking up space a number. I don't want to feel that way any more and I know its not going to be an over night success , but anything has got to be better than what I've delt with for the last 10 plus years. Depression doesn't run in my family that I know of and I can't figure out why in god's name its hit me like it has. all i know is I have to find a way to deal with this before I let it destory my life. I'm not going to allow that to happen. I felt like you did gaia just a month ago and finally told myself enough its time. i've been running for a long time and i'm tired too gaia. i feel mentally and physicaly worn out from running. i don't know what i'm trying to hide from but i just know i've always been a struggler with everything and i'm ready to change that. i know i may continue to be a struggler but their's got to be a better a to live than this.
Posted 8/4/2005 10:55 PM (GMT 0)

Dear Gaia, Hang in there!! I have what they call "situational anxiety and depression" (my husband is ill).I've tried it all. Meds,therapy,group support. I'm feeling better, but I don't know which is helping or if it's the combination.

When I go to the support groups I exchange telephone numbers with the people. I have a nice little list now and when I get depressed I call someone on the list. It's helps to get your mind on something else the the people always seem happy to chat. Hope you feel better. Dee

Posted 8/7/2005 1:03 AM (GMT 0)
Yes Hi Gaia - Im with everyones advice here - one day at a time even by moments work for me - its so easy to isolate ourselves - go into ourselves - what Dee said about having people to call really helps me. So many times in the past ive felt like there was no hope but finding tools that really help is essential - whatever works for you. When I get that sense of hopelessness - when it starts to get cloudy for me - I pick up the phone and just let it out - its really important to do this because it gets our sickness out so it cant eat away at us from the inside out. Do you know what? I use a word every day that helps also - that word is surrender -I dont know if you have any spiritual beliefs but if I start to feel the walls closing in on me I just say God I surrender this feeling to you - I say NO to this feeling - then pick up the phone and call someone. by the end of the call I usually feel better. Its a moment by moment struggle but we CAN have a progressive victory over it.


Troy

Suffer from Ulcerative Colitis
Depression/Anxiety
taking Propanolol for depression, Asacol, Steroids and Salofalk Enemas for UC

Post Edited (Troy74) : 8/6/2005 7:12:21 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 8/10/2005 2:37 AM (GMT 0)

Nobody is ever alone,

Gaia, Please talk to someone, any one that will listen and remember that you have been brought here for a reason, if none other than to make one person smile a day. You make a difference, start a journal and eventually you will be able to see.

Keep in touch and fear nothing, we all are here for you if you need a hug just say so, although we can only give the cyber ones, maybe we can reach out and hug your heart with just a few sweet words or maybe get the powers of our loved ones above to reach down and hold your hand and help you through your darker days.

Love and Prayers to you

Liza

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