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Cant leave my house, PLEASE HELP

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Posted 2/18/2013 7:33 PM (GMT 0)
HELLO folks, I need help. I have a doctor apt. tomorrow to see a rhumy doc for the first time. I am at odds with myself and plan on calling to call and cancel. I just cannot leave my house. I need to see her so much to find out how much of my pain is arthritis. I have such good intentions when I make appointments, then as time counts down I call and cancel.

This doctor is so important for me. I just need someone to tell me something that will help me to be able to go. Is there anyone here among you who has the same problem. I think its called Agoraphobia? I WANT to do this but I just cant do it. My husband is going to be so mad at me. Disgusted is a better word than mad. He has little patience and even less understanding. I dread telling him that I canceled, but I have not canceled it yet and I just know I cant go so will have to tell him when he gets home. I actually called him and ask him to not come home for lunch that I have a bad headache. I dont have a sole person to talk to. I wont tell my dear Mom who moved to ariz. last month to live with my sister. She just worries so much. I will just tell her a lie and say the doc office called to reschedule for some reason.

I am level 99% that I will call and ask for a reschedule. Maybe in a month I can do it. I feel ashamed and stupid. I will call and ask my primary care to make me an appointment with a psychologist, maybe I will be able to make it to see a Psy. doc.

Well,I have told on myself, and I want to erase this post, but I need some help, I just hate myself and I am as disgusted with myself as much as my husband will be.. I feel so very ugly. Its hard work getting ready to go anywhere. I just cant to it.........thanks for reading............hope all of you are doing great today...............Cathy
Posted 2/18/2013 7:41 PM (GMT 0)
Cathy--

I hate hearing that you are going through such a rough time. You are not ugly or disgusting. This is something that you are dealing with right now- it doesn't define who you are.

Please make that appt with the psychologist and keep it- they can help so much.

The fact that you are trying to face this head on makes you a hero in my book.

Hang in there-
Michele
Posted 2/18/2013 7:57 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you so much Michele. It feels like a breath of fresh air to read positive reinforcment. I know for sure that I am going to cancel the apt. But its OK, thank you so much.....hugs Cathy
Posted 2/18/2013 9:14 PM (GMT 0)
Do try to make the psych appt. I know it is hard. I find it extremely hard for me to go anywhere right now. We have a lot of snow and it has been cold. Half the time I am in my pj's. It is just so hard to go out. I am glad you posted. It will help you to have written it out. Keep posting and know we care and understand.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 2/18/2013 9:25 PM (GMT 0)
Keep in mind your end goal.

The ONLY way you can get help from these specialists is to go to them. If you keep cancelling then you can't be rid of the pain...mental and physical.

I know it's hard, but its a vicious cycle and the only way to get out of the loop is to step out of the front door :)

Think of how good it will feel to get a dx, to get the help you need, how proud of you your husband will be instead of "disgusted" as you put it. Think of how proud YOU'LL be.
Posted 2/19/2013 3:04 AM (GMT 0)
I do the same thing. My anxiety builds and I end up canceling important doctor visits. I know how hard it is to make yourself go, but you have got to start breaking the chain. It's hard but so very worth it.
We are all here and most of us have been in the same spot. Just try and break it into small steps and then reward yourself for doing it. You can do it.
Posted 2/19/2013 1:48 PM (GMT 0)
I think it's great that you want to make an appt with a psychologist and I strongly encourage you to go..
Don't think so negatively! Over and over you say "I know I'm going to cancel" I've learned that if you or anyone else makes assumptions about you, it will come true. So assume that you will make it to the appf And have no problems doing so.. And dont dwell on the subject, It may not solve everything but it will help ease the fear
Posted 2/19/2013 4:18 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all for your encouragement. I did call to the doctors office. I didnt just break the apt. I didnt keep todays apt. but I make a new appointment for March 20. I have already talking in my head that I will keep the new apt. I wish I was going today. Of course its afterward to say such a brave thing. Anyway I do have a new appointment.

This thursday I have an apt. to have shots in my spine. I wont be calling on this one. My pain management doc. EXPECTS his patients to be there, or he will drop you. I respect him. He is a great doctor and I wont miss my appointment thursday. Most of all he cares about my pain. I am hurting so bad today i just let the tears roll down my cheeks. Not really crying, but still the tears roll.

Again, thank you all so much for caring........hugs from this big ole Texas gal....Cathy
Posted 2/21/2013 12:55 AM (GMT 0)
I could have written your original post. I guess that proves we are not alone in our feelings. You sound like a wonderful person.
Posted 2/21/2013 2:38 AM (GMT 0)
hey jm91, I cant remember being called a wonderful person....I can say that i feel wonderfull tonite. My son and wife are having their first baby. They went for sonagram and OH we are so happy. Plus, they are naming him Hunter, my fathers name. Oh how I wish he was still here. My son is an avid hunter and fisherman. He is a very hard worker. I am just so happy to have this new precious grandson......thank you God for this blessing. You know, happiness is a cure of pain. Nothing hurts at this moment......hugs to all, Cathy
Posted 2/21/2013 11:33 AM (GMT 0)
Very happy for you Cathy!!! Keep us posted!!!

Hugs, Karen
Posted 2/22/2013 8:17 AM (GMT 0)
Hmm.. yep I am getting more and more like a hermit. I to canceled doctors appointment yesterday for friday.. but we had ice storm so that helped me out this time. I have made doctors so mad by not making appointments they quit seeing me.. ! Do they just not get I have anxiety about going out ?

I am not sure when this started for me.. I live in the country also .. so everything is an hour drive. Most times it is the leading up to the going out that freaks me out.. once I go ahead and get in my truck and go... I am ok. But man oh man all that anxiety to get out..

Have not always been this way. Guess it started after my husband died.. then add in couple of bad relationships.. and I am feeling closed up.. trust issues.. have had poor health, one thing after another health wise..
Most of the time I do not mind being alone.. but sometimes it is sad to be a prisoner in your own home.
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