I spoke to my wife about
her intentions for visiting and also to my therapist, and I decided not to cancel her trip here. She visited for 3 days.
At first, she acted more like a friend and distant. She also wasn't wearing her ring. We went to dinner and discussed a lot of the same problems with our relationship that we already have, and the progress that we've both made. She told me that she hasn't changed her mind about
us. I told her that I wouldn't support her financially if she wasn't going to try to work things out, which she thought was fair. After dinner we came home, and she set up her own bed in another bedroom. She wanted to go out to dance, so we went to a club. We had a great time and danced all night together. When we got home, we were all over each other and she ended up in my bed, where she slept each night the rest of her trip.
The next 2 days were good, and it mostly felt like we were a couple again. We kissed a lot and said that we love each other. She cooked for me, I cooked for her, and we went grocery shopping together and to our favorite restaurants. But, she would drop comments about
me finding someone with more similar interests, and her not considering marriage again unless she got the perfect ring and wedding. She also talked about
getting a job and starting over.
At the therapist, she cried and repeated mostly what she had told me about
our problems, which I had already told my therapist. He asked why she hadn't included me in her therapy, and she gave the same excuse that she thought I didn't believe in it, but that she should have included me. She does think I will change for the better, and that I already have, but she doesn't think that it matters since we're incompatible and our personalities don't mix. She can't forget how I criticized her, tried to change her and didn't stand up for her enough. And she wants nothing to do with my family. My therapist thinks she's playing a blame game, and until she thinks differently and stops blaming me or my family for all her unhappiness, it will be difficult to change her mind.
She hinted at coming back here in a month to see me without going to therapy. It's still confusing as hell to tell if she has actually made up her mind or not about
us with all the mixed signals. She seems very confused too. I know she's selfish and immature, but I still love her. I will continue to take one day at a time and work on myself. I'll give our marriage some more time, but I may have to set a limit soon.
Post Edited (mr.mike) : 3/7/2013 12:37:35 AM (GMT-7)