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I'm depressed and need help

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Depression
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Posted 3/23/2013 11:56 PM (GMT 0)
Hi. This is my first attempt at trying to get help with my depression. The only people that know about it are my husband and mother, and only my husband knows how severe it is. I've been depressed since I was in middle school and I think that my experiences during that time (I was bullied and lost all self confidence) kind of messed up my mind permanently because I'm 24 and I'm still dealing with it.
I've been having a lot of trouble with my marriage lately. I don't feel loved anymore and I told him, but he hasn't tried to fix the problem. He says it's because he has a mental block that makes him distant from the people that he loves. I don't believe it though, because he used to be closer than anything with me before we got married. Two days ago, I found dirty pictures on the computer and we had a huge fight. He said that he didn't do it and that it was from pop ups, but I know the truth. And then later that night I found another cell phone that he was hiding under the couch cushion. He grabbed it from me before I could look at it and then he "accidentally" broke it. Of course he made every excuse that he could think of. We were both yelling and he grabbed a glass and threw it on kitchen floor. I didn't even realize what I was doing, but I grabbed a piece of glass and******************** on my wrist. I've never attempted *****before then, although I've considered it, but now I'm extremely disturbed with myself. I'm not even sure if it was a **** attempt. I don't remember what was going through my mind at that time except extreme sadness and desperation.
I love my husband and I don't want to die just in case there is any chance of things going back to the way they used to be. I still have hope that things will get better in our marriage, but at the same time it seems hopeless. I know it doesn't make sense. I'm desperate for my depression to go away, but I don't think it will until my husband shows me that he loves me again. I just feel overwhelmed by everything in my life right now. It's just too much to deal with. Between the stress and anxiety from work, and the sadness at home, I don't have anywhere to escape. I don't have any friends to talk to about my problems, and that goes back to the problems middle school caused. I can't sleep at night anymore. I'll wake up at least once an hour and it takes me about 3 hours of lying in bed before I can actually fall asleep to begin with.
Please help me. I'm worried that I might end up hurting myself again. I just need help coping with my depression.

Post Edited By Moderator (BnotAfraid) : 3/23/2013 6:07:42 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 3/24/2013 12:11 AM (GMT 0)
CM

welcome to the forum, I had to edit your post. We can not discuss self harm or suicide here on the forum I hope you understand, review the rules when you have time.

I strongly suggest that you go to your doctor and discuss you feelings with him/her and then find a therapist to talk to. If you went for medical assistance the other night they would have a list of places you could go.

National Suicide Hotline

1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)

This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.

http://www.thehotline.org/ National Domestic Violence Hoteline 1-800-799-SAFE(7233)

NDMDA Depression Hotline | Support Group. 800-826-3632

Suicide Prevention Services Crisis Hotline 800-784-2433

Suicide Prevention Services Depression Hotline 630-482-9696

Here are just a few resources from our resource thread for you. Please take some time to review them. Put the numbers in your cell phone. Go to the top of Depression forum and review the rest of the resources available.

Please take care of yourself, you are important and there is a reason you are here. so lets stay here, ok?

Peace
Trina
Posted 3/24/2013 12:15 AM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry I didn't read the rules. I'll make sure that I read them before I post anything else.
Posted 3/24/2013 12:16 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you for the resource list
Posted 3/24/2013 12:18 AM (GMT 0)
Everyone makes that mistake, there is not a problem, just a heads up. How are you feeling tonight? can you put some music on to make you feel better? Do you Journal, this is a good release for emotions.

Peace
Trina
Posted 3/24/2013 12:24 AM (GMT 0)
I'm feeling sad. I haven't gotten out of bed at all today. I tried listening to music, but I got annoyed and turned it off. Writing my feelings on here helped a little though. I guess it's a good way to vent.
Posted 3/24/2013 12:54 AM (GMT 0)
My son was depressed and after much research, found that magnesium helps some people with depression. It seemed to help him. This may help you until you can get in to see a professional. You need to remember that kids can be cruel. You need to try and let go of the past. Change yourself and you will change those around you. I wish you well and remember marriage isn't easy it takes work from both sides. Good Luck to you.
Posted 3/24/2013 1:28 AM (GMT 0)
I noticed in your post a couple of times that you said that you couldn't do certain things until your husband showed you he loved you or supported you. I don't remember your exact words. I just want to let you know that when you are experiencing depression you have to be the one to get better. We can't rely on anybody else or use anybody else as an excuse. And that goes both ways. I think it is time that you see a doctor or a counselor to help yourself through this. After you get yourself back on track, then I think you should deal with your suspicions with your husband. He has no reason to have a second cell phone, or have nasty pics on the computer. If you know it wasn't just a pop up ad, you know that he is guilty. Though some people don't care, some people do.

I want you to get better for you. Copy down the numbers that Trina gave you. Don't hesitate to call somebody when you are feeling bad. Like Trina said we cant' discuss that here. But you can still come here whenever you need to talk. Usually somebody checks in and sees your post.

Try seeing a couselor. Or a doctor. There are many medications that could help you. Sometimes just the counseling helps. Do take care of you. Be proactive with your mental health. Nobody will do it for you. Take care and keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
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