Stuck in the middle

I feel so alone. I do not want to die, the thought of dying makes me sad and scared and it is not something I want to ever do until I have no other choice because my body cannot live any more. However, I do not want to live. I feel so alone and so upset and I am always in this weird middle ground where I am neither happy with life or completely unsatisfied to the point of death. I am waiting for a day when maybe I will be ok with the idea of death. I think the thing that holds me back is my family. I would never want to do that to them because they are my everything. I could never make them suffer for the rest of their lives because I took the easy way out and ended mine. So because I am doing this for them, now I have to live the rest of my life or just each day completely unhappy and numb to the world. How do i numb this pain? I feel like no one believes me when I say i feel alone. They think i am over dramatic or am just exaggerating what everyone feels. I feel bad for voicing my opinions because if they go against the normal, they are too offensive to even bring up. I don't want to do this anymore. As i type this i cannot help but tear up. I am done, so what do i do to get through this?

hi not_happy,

i am sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. please know i have been there myself. it makes it especially hard when there is no one to talk to. i would suggest trying to find some support among your friends and family. you never know until you try. some may turn you down but you may be surprised where help can come from.

a counselor, therapist or any other professional person (including a minister) can be very helpful to talk to. these people are trained to help, so it is very natural for them. you won't freak them out if you talk about all your dark thinking.

i wish you peace!

Hello not_happy,

I think one of the most pernicious aspects of depression is the downward spiral you can get into... Depression - Guilt - Anger - Guilt - Depression... It'd be nice to be able to stop that cycle in its tracks, and just feel depressed without having all of the other emotions come along... But I know when I was depressed I tried to avoid being around other people because I couldn't handle the guilty feelings of being so different, so sad, so alone.



Let me know if you're interested - I'd also be happy to talk with you more on the forum or over PM. Hang in there and good luck!

.Andrew.

I had to remove your link to your book, even though it was free.  We can't promote here, but you can email or im the person and let them know.  Most of us have our email addys in the profile.  Just click on the person's name.  Thanks for understanding.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 4/3/2013 10:33:37 AM (GMT-6)