Help..My wife suffers from depression. She wont get help. She wants to leave.

Im new to the forum so forgive any errors.
My wife has had depression for about 10 yrs now. At first we just chaulked it up to rough times in the relationship. about six yrs ago we went to see a doctor and he prescribed lexapro for my wife. She took the medication as prescribed. The side effects were a bit much for her to handle but she keep on them for as long as she could til she couldnt stand it any more and stopped taking them. I asked her to goback to the doctor to see if they could change the medication or the dosage. She refused saying that she did not want to take medication because she didnt need them. I didnt want to push to hard so I backed off as not to push her away. The years went on and every episode got increasingly worse and worse. We revisited the topic about going to see a doctor and with some persistence we got the doctor. We explained what happened with the lexapro and he switched her wellbutrin. This medication worked well. She took it for awhile then when started to feel better she stopped taking them. She went back to the mood swings. We have three children together which we both love immensely. Her attitude towards the children everytime they do something wrong is getting more and more hostile. The kids get screamed at for the slightest misunderstanding they have. I try to talk to her about the changes we see in her but everytime that I do she puts it off on me saying that it is I who has a problem and that all im trying to do with her taking the meds is control her life. Nothing can further from the truth. I love my family with all my heart and would do anything for them.

During the last three years she has moved out of the house three times. The first two times she moved out with her aunt. The last time she got an apartment and stood away for five months. During this time we shared custody of the kids.my children have been going through alot with the situation. I do whatever I can to help them understand what it is that is going on with mommy, I have even taken them to see a therapist. I tried to sit down with my wife and explain what was going on with the kids and she said that it was me who was making the kids feel the way that they were. I told her that the kids during a session with the therapist said that they were sad that mom left the house and that they didnt want to live in the apartment but wanted to come back home with dad. Boy why did I say anything she went off on me and didnt speak to me for a week. I have been on websites trying to find out as much as I can about depression and have read a few books. I have some basic knowledge on depression but must confess im no pro.
Another I failed to mention Is that my mother in law also suffers from depression and anxiety. I dont really know if that is relevant but I figure I would throw that out as well.
Now my wife is planning to leave me again and get an apartment. My kids see what is going on and they are acting out and have been very close to me lately. Im not complaining about this lord knows I love it, just not for these reasons. Im at the end of my rope I love my wife with all my heart and I am fighting with all my being to keep my family together but I feel as though I am losing this battle. What else can I do. Please if there is anyone out here who can give me adive or help please I am desperate.

Thank you for letting me vent.

Hi Devast8ted,

Welcome to the forum. It is oh so hard living with somebody with depression, especially if they aren't wanting to get help. Or aren't taking their meds. I hope you can get her to go back on them. And to counseling.

It sounds like she is in denial of having depression. Maybe you could get her to get help by not releasing the children unless she does. I am not sure how you go about that. But it is obvious she isn't stable. I don't know if you want to take it that far, but if it is effecting them, then I would take that into consideration.

I wish the best for you. Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen....

Im sorry I understand now.

Hello and welcome. The very first importance in a situation like this is of course the children. I think if you wife keeps leaving, then that choice would mean she is leaving everything. Why should she keep being allowed to pull this children back and forth. I agree with Karen about not releasing them to her. IF she get ugly then get an attorney who deals with these kind of cases. Maybe this will make her go back to her doctor and get back on her meds. and get healthy again. Then and only then she can come back home.

I know it seems harsh, but a sick person cannot be left to affect childrens lives. Its obvious they cling to you. All a child ever wants is to feel love and to feel SAFE. SAFETY is critical in a childs life and she cannot give them that in her condition.

You have come to a very good and caring forum. I hope that I have not over stepped any boundries. I just feel so strong about the innocent who are affected by mental illness.........my regards...Cathy

Well, that would be up to you. But the fact is that it is effecting them. And if she can't do it for herself, do it for them. I don't think in any way it looks like you are using the children. But it is them you are looking out for. And it is in her best interest too.

Hugs, Karen...

I feel you guys are right. I am going to try thod weekend to talk to her about visiting the doctor. No matter what happens im going stick by her side and she her through this, so long as the kids are not suffering. I dont know if I am making sense or just beibg a fool.

Thank you very much guys. It feels good to know that im not alone in this fight.

I know that feeling. It will pass. Things will get better for you and your wife. Try to take this one day at a time, one moment if you have to. I am sorry for what is going on.

Sorry I don't have any advice this morning. I am not feeling that great.

Hugs, Karen...

Thank you Devast8ed,

I went for a walk this morning. Feel somewhat better. I feel so badly for you and what you are going through. I hope I don't offend you, but I think your wife is being selfish. She isn't thinking of the kids, only herself. But I don't know the actual extent of her depression as it is in her mind. I know when a person is depressed, they feel very hopeless. But I see a very defensive person here.

I know you are not feeling the greatest with what is going on. You can't force her to get help. So you probably feel very hopeless. I will keep you in my prayers. I hope you find the strength that you need to get through this. Keep your children's best interest at heart. You can't go wrong by doing that. One day at a time here. You will get through this.

Hugs, Karen...

Carl let me say you play that part very well.

To:Neuropathy10

I have been thinking the samething. I didnt mention this before but she does lock herself in the bedroom for long periods of time. She comes out to get sometuing to drink checks on everyone and goes right back into the room. She told me about an hour ago that she has an empty feeling and that she feels numb. She also said that she doesnt hate me but that she doesnt feeling anything for me, that I shiuld find someone who can make me happy. I keep telling her that she and the children aee my happiness.

How r u doing. Im glad to hear the walk helped. Its a beautiful day here in P.A.

Thank you. I will definitely look into that. Bless you karen, I didnt think about this.

I tried talking to my wife about going to the doctor. She got upset with me and said that she didnt need meds and that I was the one who needed them. She then turn and started saying that it is my fault that she is depressed and that she and I got together at a young age and that she wanted to enjiy her life. I respect this but we have three children now and they are very sad with the situation. I sit with my kids and explain to them about moms de plus ression and I reassure them that it is not their fault in any way. I tell them that mom is not feeling well and that if they want to talk to me about how they are feeling that they can.

My wife went to work and when she got back home that afternoon I noticed a bunch of empty boxes in her car. She didnt bring them into the house. I didnt want to say anything about them because I t would anger her and I didnt want to stress her out anymore then she was.

I dont know how to get her to go to the doctor. Ive asked her uncle for help but he doesnt want to get on her bad side.