Depressed wife won't come back. What do I do?

Well, my wife just called to say that she's sending me legal separation documents from the court. This is after she asked me the last two weeks to cover her medical bills, which I told her I would. She still wants to move on and doesn't see herself with me again. She says there's no one else, but she doesn't want to be married anymore, especially to someone in another state. She's also not willing to work on our relationship even if I moved near her. She doesn't want IC or MC, and she says she's happy now starting over. She wants this process to be easy and says she doesn't want anything from me. It looks like I'll be contacting a divorce attorney soon.

Any advice?

Thanks for the support. Yeah, she is manipulative whether she realizes it or not. She went to the dr and found out the lump in her breast was only a cyst this week. So I guess now that all is ok with her it's time to drop the legal separation on me.

IC/MC = individual/marriage counseling

My wife's sister came here with the separation papers last night. Apparently my wife has been testing me to see how much I care since she left. She has been flip flopping on wanting to try again or move on. When I told her 3 months ago that I wouldn't support her financially as a husband if she wasn't willing to support me as a wife and work on our marriage, she was really hurt and has been holding that against me. She doesn't think I've changed because she thinks I'm still mistreating her by cutting off support and that I don't care about her. It feels like anything I do is the wrong thing with regards to her.

I didn't have a chance to look at the documents until now. My wife actually wants a summary dissolution not a legal separation, and she isn't asking for anything from the divorce. As she said she just wants this to be easy. It seems there's nothing more I can do to try and reconcile. Her sister told me that my wife was considering reconciling 3 months ago when she visited me, but she decided against it after I told her that I wouldn't help her anymore unless she worked on the marriage.

A summary dissolution is an "easy divorce" for people that want a simple way out of a marriage in California. It is a divorce without lawyers or expenses as long as we both agree to the terms, and in the documents she's not asking for anything from me.

Post Edited (mr.mike) : 5/26/2013 11:02:10 AM (GMT-6)

I did cut her off 3 months ago. We had very limited contact until the last 2 weeks when she asked about the medical bills. The bills were completely covered by insurance, so I don't have to pay anything. But yeah, that's really backwards that she was apparently waiting for me to offer support to show that I cared, when she left me and won't work on the marriage.

Wow, it's been awhile since I posted here. Well, a few things have happened since then...

I wasn't ready to give up on my marriage since my wife hadn't officially filed, so we kept in limited, friendly contact for months. I moved to a city closer to where she is living to look for work and either work through a divorce or a marriage. As soon as I moved, she filed for divorce, which was fine since I was going to anyway. I stopped contacting her after she filed in December, and we should be divorced by June.

Over New Years I was out of the country, and my wife was calling me, saying that she was sick and dying, and she apparently showed up at my place when I didn't respond. She left an "Are you ok?" message on my door. After I got back to her, she said that she was fine. Since then she has tried to contact me weekly to "check up" on me. I stopped responding since there's nothing more to talk about. This week she showed up trembling at my place. She said that she was sorry she wasn't more welcoming when I moved here. She made the usual small talk and left without coming in. What should I make of this? Any suggestions on how to deal with it? I have a feeling she's just fishing to see if I'm still willing to be her doormat. Regardless, I've been dating and will continue to move on.

How long did you know her before you married? She may have had issues in her life you were not aware of.
if she is determined to leave, you need to be prepared to let her go.
she may need time to heal and has a need to seperate from your family.
what ever you decide I wish you strength to make the right decision.

louiselola said...
How long did you know her before you married? She may have had issues in her life you were not aware of.
if she is determined to leave, you need to be prepared to let her go.
she may need time to heal and has a need to seperate from your family.
what ever you decide I wish you strength to make the right decision.

I knew her for 9 months before we married. I believe that she does have issues, but that's no excuse for what she has done. She is determined to leave, hence walking away from our marriage a year ago and filing for divorce a few months ago. That's not my decision. It was hers. And I am letting her go.

Last year I broke up with my girlfriend due to many misunderstandings and I remember very well how hard I had been fighting to get her back. She changed her number, changed her job so that I don’t visit her office and none of her friends would give me any information about her. The only thing I could do was to go find help from anywhere, so i looked for a way to get her back then a friend recommended me to that he will help me and as my friend said, helped me to bring back my girlfriend just in 3 days, I now have her back and this is the biggest joy of my life
Gerri Detweiler

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 4/15/2014 4:58:23 AM (GMT-6)