HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Going Downhill.....

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 5/4/2013 3:49 PM (GMT 0)
Hi All-

I feel like each day my depression is pulling me deeper inside. And I don't have the strength to fight it. I am just so tired of fighting that I just think this is how my life will be forever. And I don't want it to be. But I just can't fight it anymore. I am working two jobs and still finances are horrible. I am not there for my teenage kids because I am working 2 jobs. And don't get me wrong- I have loved teaching college this semester. So much so that I am teaching 2 summer classes during the day. Marriage is on the rocks because he is NEVER home. The only way we communicate during his 9-9 hours during his 6 day work week is by text message. Sometimes, well most times, I feel like I married my phone. And I do have anger toward him because he is never home- he isn't here to help me. I want his help, I want to be able to lean on him, but I am just alone. It is just me. And the sad part is that you would think working this many hours would mean he is bringing home money. Well he sells cars and is 100% commission based. Because April was a bad month, his last paycheck for working the hours he did was $24.32. Oh and he has a tyrant for a boss that cares about nothing but herself. My son was rushed to the hospital with his first ever scary seizure and she wouldn't let him leave work to meet me at the hospital. Working this many hours doesn't give him a chance to look for another job. I've told him to quit and to take a month and find another job but he won't. During the week, we see each other for maybe an hour tops. He has Sunday off but that is spent with him resting, napping, and getting ready for the next week. Our marriage isn't going to survive this unless something drastic happens. I need to know that he cares at least and right now, he has no time for me.

I am still seeing my shrink and we are still messing with medicine. Obviously we haven't found the right combination. Maybe I am resistant to medicine for my depression. Each day I feel this huge weight on my head that just pushes me down further and further as a human being. Right now, I know I am not living- I also don't even feel like I am existing. I feel like I just breathe oxygen each day- pretty sad huh?

I am still seeing my counselor. He is trying so hard to help me and I am doing what he says but still it is so dark. I don't want to be at this place. I don't want my depression to win but right now, I am defenseless to stop it. I feel like it is going to win no matter what I do.

Please help me....

Michele
Posted 5/4/2013 4:39 PM (GMT 0)
I know it is hard Michele,

Especially when you don't see each other much. I have a friend who's husband has to work in another state because there just is no work here. Try to look at the good points, I know that there probably aren't many for you right now. But at least he is coming home at night. Maybe you two can go out to dinner or something on Sundays. Get a baby sitter so that you can have some stress free time. Try to make a date out of it. I imagine he feels badly too. Especially with the pay check he brought home. It is hard for a man when they can't provide for the family. So he is probably feeling a little depressed too.

I sure do hope that things get better for you sweetie. Try to think of something stress free that you can do together one day a week, even if it is just going for a walk in the woods. That is what my hubby and I just did.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 5/4/2013 4:48 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Karen.

Michele
Posted 5/4/2013 11:10 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Michele,

Sorry about how things have been. Although it may seem to you like things wouldn't get better, it will. IT's just a matter of a time. Think of it as a challenge that both you and your husband will surpass. KAren gave some good ideas. Always think about the positives.
Hope things get better for you.

UA
Posted 5/4/2013 11:19 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks UA. It's just hard and I can't see the light.....
Posted 5/5/2013 12:09 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you JB. I was wondering what you did today when you left your place. You vowed to get out and stop being a hermit... so what did you do?
Posted 5/5/2013 12:09 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you JB. I was wondering what you did today when you left your place. You vowed to get out and stop being a hermit... so what did you do?
Posted 5/5/2013 12:43 AM (GMT 0)
You will get through this Michele :-)
Know that we're always here for you.

UA
Posted 5/6/2013 11:40 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Carl. You have described the situation perfectly. We had an OK Sunday but he did sleep a long time which I do understand. We actually may have a dim light at the end of this tunnel- another job opportunity in the same industry was presented to him. We spent the weekend weighing the pros and cons of the new situation. I am not sure what he is going to do yet. But at least we talked it through.

Thanks again for your kind words.

Michele
Posted 5/6/2013 11:56 AM (GMT 0)
Michelle,

I am so glad that at least there is an offer. that is progress. It does not mean he has to take it as you know, but at least it is something.

I would also like to commend you on your communication, great job with the pros and cons. Wonderful use of skills.

Carl, as always, thanks for being on the forum and inspiring people to do their best.

Peace and strength.
Trina
Posted 5/7/2013 7:38 PM (GMT 0)
Carl,

I think Trina  is just saying how nice and all the wonderful things you have to say to inspire people you have helped me get through alot of my depression and all the issues I was going through we apperciate people like you in this forum I  have met alot of nice people on here I thank you all for your kindness and support through everything I been through. Alexis

Posted 5/8/2013 1:17 AM (GMT 0)
Sometimes....as it has in my life felt like all was lost and it would never get better.  But after my recovery and renewal I found that there is hope.   When we are in a state of healing and under a lot of stress it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but it is shinning.  If your husband is unable to help due to his work situation see if you could make allies with some friends or neighbors.  We need to build good social networks that sometimes extend outside the four walls of our own home....into the neighborhood, the church, the school.  Make friends....people still like to have friends even though our society has become fearful of one another don't let that destroy our ability to make friends.  God lives in peoples hearts and you can find Him if you look.

I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me. Proverbs 8:17 

Find comfort in Gods love for he loves us all. 

Posted 5/27/2013 12:36 PM (GMT 0)
Hi all-

Just an update- My husband did not take the other job. We've argued and discussed this situation till I am blue in the face. His last paycheck was under $175. It would be so different if I got anything from him but I get nothing- nothing emotionally, spiritually, physically, or financially. It is like my "love bank" is just empty. The lack of emotional support is what hurts the most. I need and want his support as I battle this disease. I need him as part of my armor and support group. But he is just never here and he can't make personal phone calls during the day so we don't talk much. I feel so alone.

I am going to keep praying for an intervention- a new job, a new boss, new hours, selling more cars, etc...... Something has to change somewhere........

Michele
Posted 5/27/2013 9:32 PM (GMT 0)
You crack me up! No an affair is not in order for me. I will keep trying to connect until there is nothing left of me- that is what I do.

I do have a question for you as I have gained a lot of wisdom from you- how do I try and support and boost his self confidence without condoning him staying at his current job? I am not OK with him staying at all. Honestly, he may be fired before too long anyway. And then I am really going to have to be his cheerleader!!!!!!

I agree with you about the medication. I think that many of my issues related to my depression are environmental. Yes, there is a chemical imbalance but the medicines do seem to be helping me some- As well as exercise in the pool. I am feeling good today.

On the cat situation- they are NOT getting along. The kitten just wants to play with the fat girl and she just wants to kill him!!! But we are all under the same roof and no one is dead yet including me! :)

Thanks for responding to my post.
Have a great evening-
Michele
Posted 5/27/2013 11:19 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Michelle,

Sorry about your husband. Carl does have a point with regards to the self confidence and I know he will give you good advice.
Sometimes the person who we would like to support us may not be able to support us due to what they may be going through as well. I think you two can both support each other and things will eventually get better. You're strong and you're a fighter.
I hope things improve for both you and your husband.

UA
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply