And suddenly I felt nothing ..

Hi Ciara,

We can't talk about self harm here so I had to edit your post.

I know at your age, it feels like nobody listens. That really stinks. Have you thought about talking to a counselor? I think it would do you good. They can teach you ways to feel better. You are smart, and I know you could do it.

Keep posting. Know we are all here for you. We understand what you are going through and I think talking here can help you.

Keep posting and have a good day!

Hugs, Karen...

Thank you for reacting and trying to help.

I feel fine about talking about my problems to anyone really,but my parents don't take me seriously .. or anybody else for that matter.

I don't want to be on pills or have a doctor tell me I need them because then I'll be dependent on it and I'd rather take the long hard road and learn how to deal with it than use medicine,then I might as well have given over to drugs like most of the young people in this confused world.Or that's how I see it.

My mother keeps being the usual christian forcing the bible on me type of thing and telling me it's all I need to feel better etc.She doesn't understand that I am not a person to be put in a box .. I don't believe that religion will help me if it's not my choice.

I think I might want to hear about different methods I can practice in natural ways.For example exercise or a different breathing pattern,or some way I can train my brain.Perhaps there is something else you know about which I don't?Though I have read a lot about depression and I can control it better,but right now when everything becomes too much I just feel like a ghost trapped in a painful eternity.

I'll keep trying though.

Regards.

Hi.Thank you.

I don't believe it's in my brain.It might be,but I've tried the st,johnwarts and it made me feel alive,but then I felt the ache in my chest more and I felt a little insane because I can't handle that much hurt ..

Like right now I'm shaking again because of something that happened.Everytime something bad happens it's like I go into this shock .. I'm scared I'll do something stupid and I cry.I'm really sick of it.

Post Edited (CiaraShallneverdie) : 6/5/2013 12:37:22 PM (GMT-6)

Thank you Karen,but I took the vitamin three years ago.My mother drinks them,so they are always available .I am considering trying it out again,but I really don't ever want to feel the way I did though.Talking about it is in the past for me.

Carl .. Thank you for the advice,I think you're doing a pretty good job.My one friend started urging me to meditate and he said he'll guide me the first few times.

Three days ago my friend (21) wanted to commit suicide.I always try to help anyone who's sad and I have helped everyone so far.They are the happiest people now,but this time I knew this kid was seriously damaged.I tried everything to help him and last evening he told me he let things go and thanked me for talking sense into him.It made me feel so happy and I was glad I could accomplish something like that again ..

I've been okay for a few days,but today I felt useless again when I couldn't focus on my school work.I have been running at the gym while I picture myself breaking free or fighting monsters.I know I am experienced in the knowledge consumption of depression,everything you have told me I have known about .. I have helped people out of depression,but nothing ever helps me out of depression.I think clearer and I can control it,but when bad times strike it so hard to keep going .. can you give me some more information about medicine.I know of people who have committed suicide on anti-depressants.So I wont just make a sudden choice to use it.

I hope you all have a good week ahead of you . (:

I am really thankful to be talking to people who actually give me answers.I actually try to build my mental strength etc a lot and it does work .. and I know it's okay to be sad .. where most people think it's not and they have to hide.I will talk to anyone about it because it is a big part of who I am and I am that I am .. pain changes people .. it's one of the main reasons I want to eradicate it aside from it making me want to die when I want to live.So I am very glad that you both made it through this because it's a repeat pattern and it gives people hope.

about two weeks ago I started feeling overwhelmingly anxious .. It's school holidays,but I refused to go out because I was afraid to feel anxious,but everything just got worse and after a week and a bit I went out and I started sweating,found it hard to breathe or think .. I just wanted to escape,I started wanting to cry a little,but I refuse to cry in front of people.. I'm not afraid of people,I have always been a bit claustrophobic and haphephobic though.I think the sudden anxiety attacks are coming from me knowing my heart is going to get broken when I move away in two months.It's like I'm preparing not to feel attached to anything and not to love anything because of it.It is making me more depressed and it's making my boyfriend more depressed because I flinch every time he gets near me.It's really horrible.I think the new problem needs to be sorted before the main one .. do you have any advice on anxiety?

Take care.

Hey...just wanted to tell you that I hear you. I've been where you are right now.  is simply to numb the pain. I could tell anyone the things that had happened to me, but I couldn't feel anything about what was being said. I suffered from depression which eventually grew into bipolar disorder. I was sexually abused, raped, you name it. Somehow I never turned to drugs, but the emotional pain of just living was difficult. At 16 I was hospitalized following a rape. The excuse was that I needed to process what had happened. The pdocs said I was displaying borderline personality disorder, and they felt like I was going to snap at any time. The snap never came....I had too much control to let it take over, but somehow while in there I regained the strength to stop hurting myself. I went for a long time without meds, and for awhile I was ok. But it didn't last. Eventually I found a cocktail that most days works for me. It helps me to function normally. Just because you don't think anyone is listening, don't stop talking.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 7/8/2013 5:37:45 PM (GMT-6)

Hi Ciara,

You really need to get to a therapist this will be very helpful for you in the end.

remain strong.
Peace
Trina

Hello

I don't see how I can just get a therapist,don't you have to pay them?I don't really have much money and my mother feels the need to control everything so I can't just book an appointment and make her take me and pay.I wouldn't know where to start anyway ..

Regards

Hi Ciara,

I too am a quite young person, 21 and also have been where you are. It is horrible and you feel like either your soul is being ripped out or you are being swallowed up and trapped in the way that you think or feel.

I struggled to cope for years but I always found that writing novels and unleashing the past, involving imagination too helped a lot. I too don't believe that medication will help solve problems but counselling sometimes helps. It depends how you see it. I've never been successful with counselling. Too many incredibly painful memories of growing up.

I have a son now, so if ever I feel very depressed, it is him that keeps me going, plus my novels. I would never publish them for the fear of people knowing my past but it just helps to unravel the fear, pain, anger and hurt built up. I could never talk to anyone and still cant. Even on here, I talk about my son more than about me and how I feel but that is how I deal with my depression. He is my antidepressant and I would never change anything about him :)

You sound very intelligent and mature for your age and I reckon you're imaginative too. Have you tried art therapy or music therapy? Music was my life back when I was very depressed. It opens you up to your emotions and lets them go. It purifies you in a way.

Parents and adults can misunderstand young people a lot. Hopefully, being a parent, I will never misunderstand my son and always try to listen if he ever feels down but I can understand how forcing something upon you that you do not necessarily believe in will make you feel worse and not better. I'm guessing your mum will not listen to you. Parents often do not like seeing their younsters struggle and it's the case that they cannot 'fix' their child and then use something else to try and fix them. I strongly believe a parent should try to understand and help their child first before dumping them onto a doctor or religion. Mental health can be a difficult one to understand and not easy to describe but having a good repore with a parent does make things better. I'm not really sure what to suggest to help your mum realise that you need her help, maybe write a letter to her describing how you feel but if you feel you are getting nowhere, I'm not your mum but I am a parent and can understand mental health conditions and how it affects people, so if you feel you need someone to talk to, I'm always here :)

Try not to self harm if you can. I fell victim to that years ago and it was horrid. The understanding of release of pain is there and I know that very well but I was told, a stress ball can be just as effective and much safer. Try a stress ball if you can.

To help you to relax, try a scented bath or just (and I used to do this all the time), dress up, even if you're not going anywhere, pop some make up on and take pictures. It boosts confidence and makes you feel happier within yourself. You don't have to tell the world you're doing it but it could be something you could enjoy if you're into girly things and just play with new styles. It's totally fun. I used to dress up with my best friend and take pictures. It was our girly fun and it stopped us from feeling low :)

Anyway I'm rambling on a little here. I hope things get better soon and you feel little sunnier.

Take care.

Annie.

Hello Ciara.

I can relate. I can feel what you write. Its deep. Its anguish and sorrow.
Maybe my story may help you somehow..

I can relate deeply to what you have written.
When I was 16 (10 years ago), I had a long period in my life where I did not speak.

I was so far down into depression, I didn't see the point of responding to anyone. My parents tried everything to get responses. In some way, it gave me a small power to say no - but I never thought about that at the time.

For me, it felt like everything inside me had been taken away - or drained. I was empty. There was no exact moment it felt like this, it happened somehow over time. I felt like I could move and talk - but what for. In retrospect, I believe it was because I was a genuine good soul and then I 'discovered' - as people do in their teens - how the world is beyond the homelife (from my viewpoint at the time, it was very very grim). I had also witnessed more horror and gone thru more heartbreaking scenarios then anyone else my age and it ravaged my inner-world. This led to very negative patterns of thought and habits that compounded my sorrow. - Of course, I never realized this when I was going through it.

It took time and a dedication to do something great with my life for those who suffer in this world to find some balance - and eventually some spurts of happiness.

It also took a long time for me to realize why I had experienced that period of life. I have a very emotion-sensitive inner nature. Not an overly wild emotional person, but someone who feels things very high (or very low) on the spectrum and is very much in touch with how others are feeling. Before I knew of this deep empathy (and how to balance it with joy from life), the sadness in the world overwhelmed me.

I would recommend looking into whether you may have deeper empathic abilities. Sometimes these abilities can create or come from what society would call a disorder - such as borderline personality disorder. Dont mistake empathy for being a fortune teller or somesuch - empathic people are just more in tuned with the emotional state of other things. They learn different, they respond different .. which can make society cruel to them.
--> All people have empathy - some just have sharper skills. We feel the worlds hurts (and joys!).

One thing I like to remember is that if you are a person that can feel so low, you are also a person who can feel things so high - it just takes time (and sometimes, effort/counseling/meds) to discover the other side of the spectrum again. I don't expect you to have hope for these things at a time like this - so I will have hope for you.

I also want to say that the 'normal' that society uses to judge whether a person fits in or not is garbage. All the best people are NOT 'normal'. One day, I hope you can look back and feel glad (or at least feel understanding) for the lessons learned when you were down in life. For now, keep thinking, keep talking about your issues. You are already on the path to feeling better.

Therapy/council ling will help - even if just to determine what may be causing this downtime in life. You can even try walking into a therapist office and asking to see someone. It wouldn't hurt to try - these people want to help.

And Ciara?
You are not alone.