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How to get over your best friend falling in love?

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Posted 7/9/2013 7:51 AM (GMT 0)
So hi everyone,

This is the first time I ever post something here.. But lately I have felt like this was necessary. Since the person I have alwyas relied on ( my best friend) has found a lovely new boyfriend. My story is really special, since my best friend is bisexual. We met over a year ago, and speak every single day with each other. He is a very nice guy and has ALWYAS been there for me, he NEVER let me down. I can truely rely on him.

I'm a very clingy// needy person, I NEED him. My mood depends on him. I am 100% (maybe 99%) that I am not in love with him. I do love him but not this way.

And well, I always knew he was looking for a serious relationship with a guy/girl. And I knew that eventually, it was going to happen.

The other thing is that we live in different countries; so it makes everything a little harder.

about a day or 2 ago, he told me he had met someone online,  a nice guy , also looking for a serious relationship. They met, they liked eachother, and he is sooo exited about that guy. He always talks about him. Even if they are not together yet and it makes me feel lonely and very depressed. confused

I am not happy for him, I want the same to happen to me. I am selfish, I want him for myself, I want him to be only for me, and I know it's impossible. And it hurts. I'm being 100% honest with you guys. I may sound like a total idiot/mean girl. But it's the way I feel. And I'd truely rather be happy for him. I want to. I know that deep down I am happy for him. But I am also soooo depressed. My heart feels so "heavy" like a weight on my chest. It stings me everytime he mentions him;

I don't know what to do anymore. I'd really appreciate any answer to this.

 

Posted 7/9/2013 8:09 AM (GMT 0)
I think you are just very concerned about the effect that his new relationship will have on your current relationship. You might feel like he is all you need to stay happy but he may be feeling lonely if you are all he's got. People usually need more in their lives than just one person, especially considering that you do not have a romantic relationship with him. Obviously it is a little bit of selfishness and a little bit of jealousy but that's okay and I think it is very normal and common to feel these things in a situation such as that.

As far as advice goes, I can only think of being patient and observing how things play out. If you feel uncomfortable and annoyed when he talks about this person, try to change the topic to something else in a way that doesn't seem obvious. Expressing to him how you truly feel could obviously have a negative impact on him but if you continue feeling bad about it, then it's probably worth bringing up in a careful manner.
Posted 7/9/2013 8:29 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you for your answer. I guess I am concerned about this yes. It makes me scared. And You are right, I know he can't live with just one person around him. And I understand it. It is just so hard for me to accept.
I have never felt this bad. I am completely lost.
Posted 7/9/2013 9:59 AM (GMT 0)
Ana29,

Welcome to the forum!

You have received some good and straight forward advice from Worrywart. I am glad to see that your eyes are wide open.

Take this time to work on yourself. Broaden your life, you have made your life very small with this one person.

If nothing else, find a Depression support group to join and go once a week, this will put new people into your life.

Join a book club, art class, music lessons, something that you have always wanted to do, but have not. Now is the time!

If you do not start to feel better, then I suggest you speak to a therapist about your feelings.

Peace
Trina
Posted 7/9/2013 10:39 PM (GMT 0)
Your honesty with yourself is very refreshing and brave. This could be an opportunity to take it one step further and try to understand the neediness...where does it truly come from? You have so much ability to grow with the honesty you have...it is rare!! continue being courageous and just imagine who you will become :)
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