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don't know how much more to take

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Posted 8/23/2013 10:04 PM (GMT 0)
Its been awhile since I posted.

Found out yesterday my bf has bladder cancer. He has had triple bypass surgeries, pacemakers, etc in the past. So now have to wait for his cardioloist to say its ok for urologist to do surgery. The urologist didn't say anything about needing to make these other appointments. So now it won't be until the end of September at least.

I am trying to be understanding, loving and patient. But I get so angry with these drs & bf still smoking cigarettes. Sometimes, i wish I could just run away for awhile.

My dui court case that was supposed to be on August 5 hasn't started yet. DA hasn't filed charges yet. I was arrested on May 20. Don't understand why that is taking so long, too.

I don't know what to do. Just feeling overwhelmed.
Posted 8/23/2013 10:28 PM (GMT 0)
The best advice I can give you right now, is to take this all one day at a time. Make the most out of each day. It is hard to say what your boyfriend's prognosis is going to be. Time may be cut short, and if it is, you are going to want to cherrish each and every day.

I hope you don't get a bad sentence on the dui. Was it your first one? They are getting pretty strict about that now. I wish you the very best.

Many hugs, Karen...
Posted 8/23/2013 10:33 PM (GMT 0)
Karen:
Good advice. Thanks.
Just feeling a lot of emotions right now.
Posted 8/24/2013 5:02 AM (GMT 0)
He said tonight that Chantix gave him nightmares & e cigs gave him headaches. Yeah, I guess my asthma doesn't matter. Or that if he would have tried to quit, that maybe he wouldn't have heart problems or cancer??
Posted 8/24/2013 9:35 AM (GMT 0)
Butterflies, I can only agree with Karen. You will only crush your heart and make yourself miserable try to figure out an addicts mind.

Peace and love
Trina
Posted 8/24/2013 11:19 AM (GMT 0)
Chantix gave my husband night mares. so he stopped taking it. I have never tried the ecigs. But yes, he should think of your asthma. Sounds like he is a little self centered at this point. Some people just aren't as thoughtful and mature as others.

My friend and her husband smoke around the daughter who has asthma too. It makes me so mad...

Oh well, what can you do??? I Hope things get better for you Butterflies...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 8/24/2013 1:58 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks. I guess there is really no way of knowing for sure that the smoking is what caused these health problems.
Posted 8/24/2013 2:18 PM (GMT 0)
That's true. My dad has smoked since he was 16 (he's now 53). He has been battling thyroid cancer for 10 years, it goes into remission and comes back. He's almost lost his voice box. His oncologist believes that dad's cancer was probably caused by X-rays. They used to put out much more radiation and he had a bunch.

That said, I do wish he'd quit. I'm the only non smoker between him, my mom, and my sister. I am always encouraging them to quit.

Your bf may feel like the cat is already out of the bag. My dad said since he has cancer why bother quitting. It's a bad mind set but we have to accept that they won't change until they are ready to.

My niece has asthma and my son is allergic to cigarette smoke. Everyone just goes outside to smoke. Maybe it would help to bring him to your dr and let the dr explain what smoking does to your asthma.
Posted 8/24/2013 2:58 PM (GMT 0)
Second hand smoke can be bad for your asthma. I would avoid it. Maybe print out an article about second hand smoke and have him read it. Sometimes people just don't think of the situation that is going on and how it effects others. Some enlightenment might be in order. He probably just isn't thinking as well as your family. I quit smoking for four years, and I know how irritating it can be when you yourself do not smoke. I hope you can get through to them all.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 8/24/2013 3:05 PM (GMT 0)
He no longer smokes inside or in 1 car.
Posted 8/24/2013 3:12 PM (GMT 0)
That's great that he's quit smoking in the home and car! Take it one step at a time. Maybe you could offer to quit a bad habit of yours while he quits smoking. That can make feel more supportive and you can help each other. My aunt and her husband do that and they say it was a very good process and also helped their relationship become stronger. I think she gave up caffeine while he quit smoking.
Posted 8/24/2013 3:29 PM (GMT 0)
Great suggestion A_V...

I too am glad he isn't smoking in such confined spaces with you there. That is awesome, he is trying.

I hope you can get him to quit smoking for good. It really is a nasty habit. I have done it for too many years now. I don't have any lung function problems yet, now would be the time for me to stop.

I like this thread, it makes me think about my own habit. I lost my first husband to lung cancer due to smoking. You would think I would learn from that. I think mine is more habit than addiction. I think I am going to try to quit again. I am always trying to cut back. I am very conscious of smoking.

Thanks for this thread. Have an awesome day both of you...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 8/24/2013 4:33 PM (GMT 0)
Be strong butterflies76,

I know how it feels when you find out someone you love has cancer. One of my family had cancer, she's still doing chemo but now, she seems better than ever!

Here's my advice:
Tell your boyfriend that you love him so much and wouldn't want him to smoke anymore, that you want to be with him forever and more, and that you want him to be healthy. Encourage him on his ups and down. I know you're stressed now, but the more you run away with your problems, the bigger it will get in the future.

Build confidence in you. Pray that everything will be alright. The more you face your fears, the stronger you are in the future.

You could always write down the things that you feel and all in a note book and bring it around in your bag.

Hope this helps hun, and remember, stay strong.

Much love,
Joanne
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