PLease Help me. (Im just Venting)

Hello. I am a Sophomore in college. I am a nice person, who is usually quiet but not shy, but afraid to talk to people. I was bullied badly in middle school and labeled as weird, so now im afraid to be myself. Im not really sure if i know who "myself" is.I just act how people want me to. I cant remember a time when I was genuinely happy, so I guess I have always been depressed. My cousin was murdered last year, and ever since then I feel like time has been going by extemely fast. Im scared. I am now a sophomore in college, I live in an all girls dorm, with two roommates. I moved in last minute, and they already have a bunch of friends. I go to college in California, but I am from Colorado. So I am also home sick. I thought that would wouldn't happen since this is my second year away from home. I am afraid to eat in the cafe. Because I am always by myself. Last year I would just walk around and buy food and only eat in the cafe when I really needed to, that wasted alot of money. This year I can't afford to do that at all. So I have only eaten a snickers. I have been here for two days now and i havent eaten real food. ( i know this sounds stupid and I should just walk to the cafe and eat but I can't.) When I walk around and see all the students happy and talking, I start to tear up because I wish it was me. What is wrong with me? Why don't I have any friends? I tried telling my mom and grandmother but they don't understand. nobody understands. I don't even understand!! I just want to be happy. I have been dreaming of college a long time, but its nothing that I expected. I am tired of being alone, and having no one to talk to. I just want to find a way to live my life.


I have held in my emotions for so long, now i dont feel anything. I guess that is why i don't feel hungry?? I want to give up and go home. maybe college wasnt meant for me? But it is all I ever dreamed of, I have wanted college for a long time. I would feel terrible if I just gave up, and I would disappoint my family who worked really hard to get me here. I just hate being unhappy, I really thought going to college would make me happy, it is all I have dreamed about for a long time. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I can't even see my future. I don't even think I want to. I'm afraid, and i really need someone to talk to.


Even if no one answers, I just had to find some sort of way to vent.

Thanks for reading.

Dear anonymous.....
I just happened to open up your post, because I was feeling down, and found you. You are a very smart wise person...I can tell by your writing. I was very quiet when I was in college, and felt the same way. I did not feel like I belonged with my roommate for awhile...but then things did get better. I found that I did better when I went outside for a walk and looked at things around me in nature. What are you studying? Do you like your classes? I felt exactly like you, but then I found a friend, and then another friend, and I could eat with them, and start to have a real friendly relationship...and then slowly but surely things got better. They will with you, I am sure...I will say a prayer for you tonight....(and please say a little prayer for me,) Big Kiss.xxD

Have you thought about going to the clinic? Most colleges have clinics that give free care to students. Go and see if that have a therapist. I think it'd be very beneficial for you. Not only that but maybe they can help with your anxiety.

You have got to eat. The cafe may be a great place to meet people. I know you're scared but you have to eat. You can't let your fear make you sick. How will you succeed in class if you're ill? Just try.

Thank you all for your answers. I will try and join some clubs, and I will try branching out more. Its just hard.

Hi there,

I wanted to join in and welcome you to the forum. Do eat properly, take care of you, you will feel a lot better for it.

Like was posted above, to have a friend, be a friend. Do go to the café, eat and I am sure you will meet people. Be healthy, study, it will all fall into place.

Hugs, Karen...

Thank you Vickie. Everything you said is exactly how I feel, I'm just not good at describing things! But you described it perfectly. I haven't found myself yet though. I go to an art college and I am majoring in Fashion Design. So music and drawing do help distract me, and sleeping.

I sleep to waste time. Lol. I can't do that now because I have two roommates who might think I'm a weirdo for sleeping so much. So now I just put on my pjs and lay down around 9ish. Lol then I wake up and just lay I bed until like 10 am. I don't get to sleep like I did at home. :(.