if anyone could help, id be forever greatful.

hi there,

I have a sereve anxiety disorder and even worse depression and had it off and on since i had my daughter 8 years ago. Ive been off and on different kinds of anti-depressents which i finally gave up about 2 years ago cause they made me a zombie. Ive went to different mental health clincs and got assigned different disorders like ADHD, Bi-polar type 2, and skispherona. All the medication they put me on for these disorders have done the oppisite effect than it supposed to. Ive been going to my therapist regularly for 4 years now, once a week. Nothing was helping my anxiety or depression it got so bad i would cancel my shift at work and sit in my room and smoke and cry all day and all night while my child stayed with my parents cause i couldnt cope. I finally got something which seemed to work for me but its been a constant up and down battle, i got put on something called cilaprex which is supposed to help both anxiety and depression and im not kidding you it worked almost instant but the side effects have been not as nice. But i seemed to be doing awesome when then i started flat lining.. and then i started to get depressed again having more suicidal thoughts and crying in my room but it seems less than before. I was wondering if these daily ups and downs are normal, ive been on them for a total of 4 weeks now and when im good i actually feel good again but when its bad im right back to where i started. Ive tried to look on information about these drugs but theres not too much out there on the ups and downs or if theres any sedatives in them because ive been sleeping alot more than usual. Went from 5-6 hours a night to 9-12!!! pretty derastic change, so if anyone could help me out with some answers i would be forever greatful because im not getting much from my doctor he just keeps saying just keep taking them. Please help! thanks for reading

and if theres anyone who struggles like i do on a daily basis, just know your not alone <3

Hi Kleme,

You must mean Cipralex, which is the same as Lexapro.

4 weeks is not enough time to get stabilized, ups and down are to be expected for a while.

You say it works wonders at times, you are responding well. How many mgs are you on?

As for sleeping, depression and medication does that. I wish I could sleep that much, so tired of all those years of merry go rounds.

Keep posting, I'm on cipralex also, I can relate to your state of mind,

Charlie

Hi again Kleme,

Starting antidepressants can be so stressfull, as we dont know if it's the right one.

I was on 10mgs till last week, after 3 months. Upped to 15, felt much better in the last week.
Had a crying spree yesterday evening, and that stressed me. All the questions kept coming back.

Is it the right one? do I upper again? Do I add something else? Doctor said I can go up to 20mgs. I find 20mg is a lot. As for the weight, I lost a few pounds. Dont want to go lower, but it has stabilized.

I hope that one day I find the right dose or combination.

Trial and error, boot camp it is. Your doctor can help, maybe you should upper or add something else. But, as I said, 4 weeks is early to get stabilized. I have hope for you as you said it did help to make you feel better.

I hope for you to find peace in the times to come. Let us know how you are doing,

Charlie

I'm in my 6th week, and I had a severe week.. Full of crying and staying in bed. I've been taking my medication earlier than usual to hopefully make me feel better, is that crazy? When I get like this the only thing that my brain resorts to is suicidal thoughts. Which I hate and want to stop. I've been doing a lot of researching into different kinds of mental disorders cause for me it's hard to believe I'm all these different things but only with about 2 characterists outta 5. I've come across borderline personality disorder, which on that checklist it was like yup yup yup.. Self diagnosed of course so I don't know if it's actually true but it speaks more volumes than anyother disorder. Is the medication I'm on cipralex good for that? Or maybe the drugs are still messing with me ? If it didn't take two week to get into my doctor all the time I would make more appointments and try to figure this out but even when I go I'm rushed out like I'm just a child being crazy. These things have been a burden because it's hard to have a stable life for me and my daughter if I can't keep stable and it's not fair to her, I see how it's effecting not just me anymore. She needs her mom I'm all she has and I'm there then I'm falling apart, can anyone help this madness or have any information or advise?

Hi again, forgot to ask you about hormones. Regular cycle? lack of progesterone? would be good to have that checked. That can cause a lot of miscomfort. Ah hormones!

Charlie

I was a psychiatric RN for 35 years, and the hardest part was trying to convince my depressed pts.that this too will pass. Depression is brutal for those going through it. When it hits, it hits hard! Normal people going through life, taking care of their family, working at good jobs, then BOOM, you don't want to get out of bed. It took a lot out of me to convince my depressed pts that it is temporary , but a day may just as well be a year. The lucky ones respond immediately to the SSRI's, and those who don't usually spend some time in the hospital until the docs can manage their depression. Just remember it won't last forever, and it can be managed under the right care with the right doctor. If you don't think your doc is helping you find another one. Alot of primary care docs are sympathetic to depression. The body and the mind work together. The important thing is getting it managed. Hang in there, and don't give up. I'm sure you have a family who loves you and wants you back. Having a family on your side is number 1 for treatment. I have a feeling you will be alright. God Bless you

Star Lover
L Knee replacement. 2012
GERD. Fundoplication surgery, Dec2011

I agree with you star lover, Charlie is a sweet soul and honestly you are too. I don't know how I would be without your guys advise love and support. I've been looking for people who understand how hard this is and I've finally found people who get it and finally don't feel super crazy or alone. The people who have to go through with what I'm going through I admire so very much cause it's hard, and saying that is a understatement. I never really considered how long it would take to heal myself I guess I thought I would take this magic pill which did seem to be true at first and then be better but it has been a struggle then I thought I was going crazy and that nothing will help because I started to decline again. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow to talk about upping my dose or some kind of change cause the crying spells haven't changed and got as far as looking up ways to end my life and writing my goodbye letters. The only thing that's gotten me from stopping is being worried what will happen to my daughter cause she in the only reason I've held on for this long. Im going to take what you've guys said I'm going to try my hardest to overcome this and I have to remember it's not going to happen overnight, I can't give up I have to keep on trying. I really love and respect you guys for helping me, honesty I can't talk like this to anyone besides my therapist and even I'm starting to feel judged or like it's the same repetitive thing. I thank you guys with all my heart

Hey Kleme, hang in there! There is definitely a medication out there for you.

Goog luck with your doctor today, keep us posted.

Thanks for the good words, and remember it's a question of time. I know it seems hard to beleive after all that suffering, but it will end. Slowly but surely. Dig in and find a ray of hope within yourself and try to hang on to it.

My mom used to say than under every cloud, there is a silver lining. A special prayer sent your way Kleme 88, you will make it!

Charlie