Getting divorced

Tomorrow morning I will be sitting down with a lawyer and hopefully getting paperwork to get divorce proceedings begun.

My disability won't begin paying out until November so I will have to stay with my mom for a month. I'm not sure how I'm going to afford rent, food, utilities, and things for the kids. Plus, the child support case has ruined my credit despite it all being dropped.

I'll be moving on my birthday, this Friday. I'm not looking forward to being at my moms but I have no other option. The kids are going to have to switch schools because we will be living 35 minutes away and in a different town.

It's a hard decision. My heart is broken because I still love him but it's not a healthy relationship. I'd appreciate you guys keeping my kids in your prayers/ thoughts.

You will get past this and it will take time. This is the best for the kids and you. You do what you have to do to get by. I'll be keeping everyone in my prayers.

Lisa

Hi AV:  I'll keep you and your children in my prayers.  It may be tough for a little while but in the end you and your kids will get through this and will be better off.

Cass

My birthday is becoming a black letter day. Last year my grandfather died and my cat broke his leg. This year I am moving out of the home where the kids and I built a new life with the man I thought was my match. What else can go wrong?

I'm not even sure I can handle being in someone else's home for a month. I have OCD and get very anxious in other people's homes. I've never managed more than a few hours in the past. It doesn't help that mom is already telling everyone. My sister began with her nastiness. She said if I'd get off my lazy butt and get a job my husband may not kick me out.

Everyone seems quick to offer their criticism. I guess it seems sudden to them because I don't like to talk about my problems. They didn't know my marriage has been bad for a while. I wish they had enough respect for me to realize is never put my kids through this without seriously thinking it through.

I do love him. It hurts a lot. I want him to be happy and neither of us has been happy in a long time. I'm not blaming him. I think I'll always be grateful, he took us in off the streets. He's being very quiet. Refuses to talk with me at all about the divorce. He seems content to just sit back and let me do it all.

This is what has to be done for my own mental health. I'm filing the divorce. He has said in the past that he wanted one but never contacted a lawyer.

He's emotionally abusive toward me. He drags me so far down that I don't want to live. I have to get out because I'm afraid I may hurt myself.

I have contacted disability and will get benefits in November. I've signed up for food stamps and next week I will apply for HUD. Then I'm going to apply for lots of jobs.

My plan is to move out of my moms house as soon as I responsibly can. I'm going to move to the town where she lives because it's cheaper, I'll have family to help, and I need the distance. I already met with principal at the new kids and have set up their starting there next week.

Even though the child support stuff was dropped they have suspended my license and 800 dollars to let me have it. I'm going to have to make that my next priority after shelter and food. Then I need to buy a car, a cheap one from the local car auction. Then I just wait and see if I get any of the grants and scholarships I applied for.

I've put tons of thought into this. I'm a worrier and a planner. My anxiety is sky high and my fibro is kicking my butt. I just plan on taking it step by step.

AV ........

   My best wishes go to you in this trying time of your life. Please try .... to make the change for this Friday ..... that it's yet another bad day a year later. We have the power to make those changes ... work on the will to do that.

   I feel for you and what you recently said about your husband and about you. Long ago, I had a wife that from time to time would talk about divorce. And there was little positive conversation for years. We lived in silence for much of the time for years.

   There finally came a time, when she once again talked about divorce. It was the last time. I was tired of hearing it - so I started divorce proceedings ... and we had two children. It's always so sad ... for the kids. But .... I don't think it's right to stay married just because of the kids. In reality, that's an excuse.

   For me, twenty years later, my kids are OK .... I still wish the conditions hadn't happened to force the divorce - but they did! And it was necessary for everyones well-being ultimately.

   I hope, once you get thru all the difficulties of actually getting on your feet pretty much independantly, you'll begin to feel real good about yourself.

Rob & Gizzy

 

I forgot to say Happy Birthday!!!

Hope you can enjoy it...

Hugs, Karen...

I don't think you are old enough for medicare hon. I think you have to be 60. If you are talking about Medicaid, that is a different story. You may be able to at least get it for the kids, but you pretty much have to be dirt poor to get it. I think that the Obama care plan will help you though when it goes into effect. In the meantime, keep on trying. You are actually handling things well. I am sorry that your birthday wasn't more happy. Count your blessings, what you have for now. Are you living at your mom's now? Or are you with your husband atm? Either way, take care and try to have a good day.

Hugs, Karen

i'll say a prayer for you and your children. divorce can definitely be trying on people, especially the
kids. i was divorced 15 years ago (she filed) and it really hit me hard. time does heal, but it sure took
it a long time for me. i wish the very best for you and yours in this difficult time.....

Your mom sounds like a charmer. You can borrow mine, if you like.

Grandma? Friends? Shelter?

I am thinking of you, sweetie. it's hard, but you are doing the best you can.

If I stay put my disability won't begin to pay out. He is emotionally abusive, pushing at me until I'm at a very dangerous point with my mental health. He can't handle his own unhappiness and instead of letting me be supportive he takes it all out on me, using the words he knows will hurt me the most.

I've tried to just ignore his behavior because I know he loves the kids and they need stability but the effect on me has me at the worst point I've ever been. I can't get better because he's always there to drag me back down.

This is not a quick decision. I've been mulling this over in my mind for months. I didn't want a snap decision. My children's father was physically abusive and there was never a shadow of a doubt that I had to leave. My current husband can be great but he can also be my worst problem in life. I've spent months trying to find ways to live together that never work. He won't change and he even says so. My heart, as much as it hurts, takes a backseat to my kids. They need a mom who is not scared of what she may do. They deserve a home where their stepfather isn't screaming negative things at their mother in the middle of the night. A home where their mother doesn't have to hide anything to do with custody issues because their stepfather will scream and threaten to throw them out. A home where their mother is never allowed any money of her own, she has to beg her husband just to get groceries.

I don't like to speak negatively about my husband. He saved the kids and me. I owe him a great deal but we can't live this way. He is seeing a lawyer tomorrow and is very unhappy about our move being delayed. You can't make someone want you when they have decided not to.

I have set up to begin drawing my disability payments. They will begin 30 days after the date of my separation this making getting in a separate space important. I have a full disability rating. My original plan of staying with my mom has fallen through less than 12 hours before implementation.

Now I am redrawing my plans. The shelter is a back up plan if I can't find another option. I have spent all day calling and visiting my other options. I have never given in to the darker thoughts and I don't intend to do so now. My kids will be cared for first and foremost. They will have a roof, clothing, and food. I've worked until I wasn't physically able to do so to take care of my kids on my own.

The systems put into effect to help people are there for a reason. I signed up for food stamps and HUD. For a month these programs will ensure the stable home life my kids deserve. I'm no martyr or hero. I'm just a mom who does the best she can.

From day one I have been nothing but honest with my kids. They know I have depression they also know I go to therapy every week. They know I started a new antidepressant. They are smart kids.

I'm sorry my choices don't meet your expectations but they are mine to make. My kids need to see a healthy home with healthy relationships to know how to treat others and how to be treated. I'm ending a cycle. If I were going only by my heart, I'd stay with this man forever. I've had to accept this is not a healthy relationship despite what I want. I know some people would choose to stay because there's no easy way out but I refuse to be a victim. I'm not going to sit and let him being me down anymore. I am taking care of myself and my kids the best way I can. I am not going to be judged.

I submitted a claim but my husband made too much money. Without his income I will qualify. They just update your paperwork.