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mental illness in regards to custody of child and also jeopardy of job security

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Posted 11/17/2013 9:55 AM (GMT 0)
My 32 yr old daughter has Bipolar Depression and just TODAY has separated from her husband of 5 yrs.Her husband "just cant take it anymore". They have a one yr old daughter together. She needs to be hospitalized,in my opinion , but fears that being hospitalized will jeopardize any future issues with custody of her daughter..Can this be true in this day and age where people have so many rights? I really dont think so but I really dont know.My mind tells me no but I really need to know so I can assure her ..Besides what good is having her daughter if she's going to be sooo sick all of the time ! She also fears that if she's "labeled" with a mental disorder that her teaching job will also be in jeopardy.Does anyone know if she can take a leave of abscence to get help? Any teachers out there know this answer? I know it seems pretty pathetic for me to even care about the answers(except the one about custody of my Granddaughter) when I KNOW she needs help but I need to assure mostly HER that noone can punish her for what she cant control! Mental illness ,in my opinion, is not understood by all--including my daughters husband,my husband(her Dad) and my other 2 children who think that my daughter should "just snap out of it"!!Plzzz help!!
Posted 11/17/2013 10:15 AM (GMT 0)
I don't think anything negative can happen when your daughter is trying to get help. She needs to take some time and do that. It will be the best thing for her. I don't think they will take her child away. I hope not.

Try to encourage her to take a leave of absence and get the help that she obviously needs.

Welcome to the forum...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 11/17/2013 10:59 AM (GMT 0)
Thank You Karen..I sure am going to be diligent about her going into the hospital.I think its the only answer right now..I just really worry about it going against her when it comes to the baby. She really loves her daughter and says(and I believe her) that she's trying to get better for her.What judge or person can hold that against her! Thanks for your response..hope you're feeling okay  :)
Posted 11/17/2013 11:22 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Nicsmom0820,

I believe that when we try to help ourselves that good things happen. I don't think anybody will try to take her child away for trying to get help...

Have a wonderful day today!

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 11/17/2013 1:54 PM (GMT 0)
Health care is private these days = HIPPA so your daughter can seek help and take a leave of absence. I have been hospitalized 5 times.

It is not required on any job application and you do not need to disclose any information unless it prevents you from performing your job or endangers someone. Once you are stable this is not the case.

As for her daughter I agree 100% with Karen.

Peace
Trina
Posted 11/21/2013 1:52 AM (GMT 0)
This has been a tough two weeks-actually its been a tough 17 yrs-not only for My daughter but for everyone involved! My husband and myself are trying to care for the baby as much as possible --as she needs to rest while the medicine does its thing. My sister (her Aunt) and my brother (her Uncle) are keeping close to the situation and offer her help on a daily basis. The doctor put her on Lithium now and at the same time is withdrawing from Cymbolta. She says its making her nauseous and dizzy so her doctor is going to once again change her meds...It's a trial and error grueling process as you all, I'm sure, can relate to.! My son-in-law is suffering severely from what she is going thru and although I wish this situation brought them closer -it actually is tearing them apart. I stated previously that she was considering divorce but they are instead going to wait it out and separate . She and the baby will stay at my home while he stays in their home. That in itself is making her so sad. I have to admit I'm very disappointed with my son-in-law abandoning her when she needs him most! I know you all may think that's being biased but I guess I am "old school" --- "for better or worse" mean a lot to me and should mean a lot in any couple situation. Granted--she is not easy to live with while going thru this but I cant imagine my husband leaving me and my child in my worst of times. As you can probably imagine I am a bit angry at him-actually very angry. What a coward! Not my definition of a real man! She said she wants to stay with me bcuz I give her unconditional love..am I wrong for being angry at him?
Posted 11/21/2013 3:09 AM (GMT 0)
Hi-

I am your daughter in this situation. I suffer from severe depression. I'm married with a 16 year old son and 17 year old daughter. My husband and I have been married for almost two years.

When I'm in a downward cycle, the whole family suffers. I'm truly not aware I'm lashing out at them or pushing them away but I do. I'm hurtful and mean with my comments. Maybe I'm trying to make those around me as miserable as I am.

My husband threatened to leave me this weekend. It broke my heart. I love him. I don't want him to leave my life, but I also understand how I treat him during my bad times. Was I angry at him- yes. I instantly felt abandon. I'm in a bad downward spiral right now and am in counseling and on meds. Unfortunately it takes time- lots of time for things to work.

He told me he was leaving because he apparently couldn't make me happy. This is so far from the truth. My depression has nothing to do with him- it's all internal in me. His leaving was a type of self preservation for him in my eyes. He had to try and protect himself.

We've talked and he's not leaving. He just really wants me to get better. I would also never try and make such a huge decision when I'm on a downward spiral.

Does any of this make sense? I feel like I'm talking out of both sides of my mouth- but I do understand his point of view even though it hurts me to know I cause him such pain.

My prayers for you all-
Michele
Posted 11/21/2013 10:01 AM (GMT 0)
Cymbalta is a very had medicine to come off of. A lot of withdrawal effects.

Hoping that things work out for you and yours...

Keep posting,

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 11/21/2013 11:40 AM (GMT 0)
Thank You Michele and Karen for Posting a reply and your answers are helpful..Michele---I agree that no decisions should be made when someone is in a downward spiral---they have decided to sell their house,which I think is a good thing bcuz it's nothing but a moneypit..It doesn't have to be but my son in law is a spend thrift--maybe spending money makes him happy-IDK..anyway ..I still am hurt and I know my daughter is too that my son in law doesn't want to be around her...I COMPLETELY understand WHY--she is VERY mean to him but he doesn realize that that's NOT her--its the frigan disease...My daughter is moving in today(she said) I KNOW its gonna be a L-O-N-G rad but I'll be darned if Im gonna give up on her!! I guess a Mothers love is always the one you can rely on----don't get me wrong she drives me nutso!! But I forgive her and I also at the same time try and PUSH her a lil bit ahead...Its an awful disease--I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy!! God bless you both Michele and Karen! @Karen---she is having a very hard time coming off Cymbalta..a very very very hard time..I wish I had a magic wand to make it all go away ..it kills me to see her like this! :((...
Posted 11/21/2013 11:44 AM (GMT 0)
The withdrawal effects should subside in a week or so. I hope she can hang in there. Bless you for being such a good mother...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 11/21/2013 12:45 PM (GMT 0)
My children mean the world to me.Thank you for the compliment :)
Posted 11/21/2013 12:53 PM (GMT 0)
You are welcome, I can tell you are a good person and a loving mom...

Have an awesome day!!!

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 11/21/2013 5:15 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Nicsmom

Your daughter needs to try an inpatient program where they can make more rapid med changes and monitor her AND get some group and individual therapy. In the case of child custody, this shows the Court that she is being proactive and willing.

NOT going and staying on this path could be detrimental for her custody issues.

And she should not tell co-workers what she is doing. This is confidential and altho I think it may be illegal to discriminate against her, bosses can always find a way to get rid of you if they want. Unfair but true.

Checking myself into a psych hospital was one of the best thing I could do for me and my family. Check around for the best in the area. They vary widely.

If she shows she is serious about helping herself, I think things could work out. I certainly hope so.

You are doing just what Moms are supposed to do-fight for her and never give up on her. She needs you and is lucky to have you.

Best of luck
Mags
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