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Posted 11/27/2013 2:45 AM (GMT 0)
My husband told me in a text message that he wants a divorce. I know we were separated and it shouldn't be a surprise. I really loved this man and so do my kids. I feel like a horrible mom. I feel like I'm doomed to repeat my mothers mistakes. I'm heartbroken and miserable.
Posted 11/27/2013 2:58 AM (GMT 0)
That is so self centered to do a text! What a coward. The children come first, now he has left you to pick up the pieces.

PLZ find professional support to help provide u with coping skills. This is such a terrible time for this to happen. I know u will find the strength to remember to take one day at a time.

I will always remember this issue in my life years ago. It has always left a scar with my children who are adults now.

I will keep you in my prayers and know that you have support here when u need it.

(( hugs))
Chotti
Posted 11/27/2013 4:03 AM (GMT 0)
He wants to just disappear from the kids' lives. He says he doesn't want to upset them by saying goodbye. I'm worried about how this all will affect them.
Posted 11/27/2013 5:44 AM (GMT 0)
You are not a horrible mom. This is what you wanted, too. You are a terrific mom. You will not repeat your mom's mistakes, because of your inner strength and beauty and your love for your children.

It's just the shock of hearing those words. Even when you are prepared for them, they hurt.

We gather you close in a cyber hug. No germs passed, lots of love included.
Posted 11/27/2013 12:58 PM (GMT 0)
Cut ties with him, the sooner the better. The kids will get through this. You need to start fresh without him.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 11/27/2013 1:20 PM (GMT 0)
AV, I'm really sorry.
I agree, you are not a horrible mom. You a a very good person and good mom.

This will take time. We are here for you. Hang in there.
*Hugs*

UA
Posted 11/27/2013 3:14 PM (GMT 0)
He doesn't want to say goodbye to the kids-don't let him get away with just walking away AV. A divorce is between wife and husband, not the kids. What a stinkin' piece of poo!!!

I know you are scared out of your wits right now, but I have had to rebuild my life(literally) 3 times in my life. It was hard but I built a better life each time...and so will you!!! This is a gift disguised as a catastrophe.

I am so behind you AV-you can do it!!

Love
Mags
Posted 11/27/2013 3:22 PM (GMT 0)
AV,

Like others have said, you are the strong one. The good parent, great Mom.

Breath, be kind to yourself, this is not your fault, not your mess. You will get through this and find peace on the other side.

We are all here to support and listen. Stand strong and don't let him manipulate you into anything you do not want to do.

Peace and courage
Trina
Posted 11/27/2013 3:58 PM (GMT 0)
This man is giving you no sense of security in the relationship. Constantly wanting a divorce. Give it to him. Make a life for you and the children. We can't stress this enough, but you have to be the one to do it. This is just making the children more insecure. Do you want that for them?

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 11/27/2013 6:24 PM (GMT 0)
I'm going to give him the divorce he wants. I'm just hurt right now and a bit anxious about the future. I do love him and I guess it always hurts to not be loved back. I should be used to it, my family hasn't been loving toward me so why should I expect anyone else to be.

I'm trying to find the best way to tell the kids. He was a very devoted step father and they love him. I'm sad that he doesn't believe they deserve some sort of closure from him. They will always be mg number one.

This will be my last marriage. I'm too close to following my mothers example at 2. I won't put my kids through what I experienced as a child. She constantly chose men over her children and I won't let that even be a thought in my kids' heads.

Thank you all. I don't have any support and being able to come here right now means more than you can imagine. It's nice to have someone care when you're hurting.
Posted 11/27/2013 8:11 PM (GMT 0)
Dollheart, make a doctor appointment. Give your hubby his divorce. And give thanks for your health, your freedom, your children, and the whole wide world that wants to help.
Posted 11/28/2013 12:45 AM (GMT 0)
AV,

"WOW",....So much luv and caring advice for you and your children.

Everyone your an amazing group of people. Even though I am new to this site I hope to get to know you all better.
I think you all have AV's heart, mind and life in your best interest by all UR responses. I S-ooo agree with all of your advice.

This is a group of kind, considerate and respectful people AV. How lucky can u bee. You are the only one who knows what's truly in UR heart and the issues to respond accordingly.
You will survive this AV and be stronger for this learning experience.

(((Luv & hugs to AV AND TO ALL )))xxxxxxxChotti
Posted 11/28/2013 8:58 AM (GMT 0)
I'm a worrier. My appetite is gone and sleep is impossible right now. I've spent today making lists. I didn't go to my grandmothers today. My dad and stepmother were going to eat with my grandmother tonight. I'm just not up to a lot if questions. I don't like to be around others when I'm upset. I'm uncomfortable expressing the negative (sad, mad, disappointed, scared, etc) around people. I'm pretty private about those things. Plus, they don't believe depression is an illness. They think I should just push through it.

I've got to figure out how to survive off my disability income and school loans. It's not much and it's going to be a struggle. My husband has been buying food and helping with bills. My credit is a mess. My ex husband left my name on a few things post divorce and I'm still working on getting it cleared. Both kids are growing out of their clothes so quickly.

I'm not sure if I'll be able to continue with my current psychiatrist. I lose my health insurance in a divorce. I'll qualify for Medicaid but I don't know if my dr will accept that. Plus, I think Medicaid limits visits somehow. I've been putting off getting my knee scoped but I guess I need to do that quickly. That and surgery for a pinched nerve.

Anyway, I'm trying to put together a plan for my future. I'm hurt but I know it's not the end of the world. I do love this man, I married him knowing his flaws. At one point in time he rescued me when I really needed it. He was supportive and cared about me. That's not something I've had much of. I have my flaws, and he says that my flaws made him bitter. I feel terrible that he feels that way. No one wants to negatively affect the people they love.
Posted 11/28/2013 1:07 PM (GMT 0)
I hope you aren't making excuses to stay with this man after the way he treats you. Medicaid will help you and sometimes the spouses keep you on their insurance. Cross that bridge when you get to it.

You must move forward. You must keep your children top priority though this. I think the instability of this relationship is probably taking a toll on them. But the choices are yours in the end.

I hope you have a happy thanksgiving today. Hang in there AV... Coming here and sorting things out helps. You get different opinions on things which gives you something to work with.

Keep in close contact with your counselor...

I wish you and yours the best...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 11/28/2013 2:28 PM (GMT 0)
Nope, I'm not staying with him. Just explaining that I didn't fall in love with the huge jerk he is now. Lol
Posted 11/28/2013 3:17 PM (GMT 0)
Have you made and kept an appointment with your therapist?

Sweetie, you are a good woman, caught in a bad situation. You will find your way out one step at a time. You've taken the big and hard step, the first one. I wish we could help more.

No more "what ifs?" People waste so much time worrying that they loss the ability to move forward. My rule of thumb is: I am allowed to worry about something if I can do something to realistically change the outcome immediately. If it is just generalized worry, I force my brain to put it aside. Otherwise, I waste precious time, precious energy on something that doesn't have any payoff.
Posted 11/28/2013 3:41 PM (GMT 0)
I haven't called my therapist. I did call my dr and I have an appointment on the ninth. I'm ashamed and embarrassed to call my therapist. I missed appointments and I'm embarrassed for anyone to know that I'm getting a second divorce. I don't like to be around or talk about my issues when I'm sad or hurt.
Posted 11/28/2013 3:42 PM (GMT 0)
AV- you are such a strong person. I know you feel wounded right now, but don't waste energy looking back. Use all your energy in looking forward and coming up with a new life and new traditions for you and Your kiddos.

Hold your head high and move forward!! You are your kids most influential role model. Show them how to handle this situation with pride and dignity!!

My love to you-
Michele
Posted 11/28/2013 3:51 PM (GMT 0)
Sweetie, call your therapist. Shame and embarrassment make you hide, and now is not the time to hide from the people who can help you.
Posted 11/28/2013 4:43 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with all the above posts. Now is the time to help yourself get stronger. You can do this AV...

For today, put it all aside and enjoy the moment.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 11/28/2013 5:08 PM (GMT 0)
Av

We are here to help if we can. Never be ashamed of asking for help...most people are glad to help. The unknown is scary but I truly believe that you have such a better life ahead...maybe not easy, but better.

When you stand on your own 2 feet, it will liberate you!!

Hang in-we are here
Mags
Posted 11/28/2013 10:48 PM (GMT 0)
I did go to my aunts but it was a bad idea. I was ready to leave a few minutes after I walked through the door. My anxiety is horrible and I can't just relax.

I did text my husband. I miss the man I married. My kids are upset and ask to go home (that's where we lived together). I lost out on a great place. Right now were staying with my best friends parents.

I feel hopeless. I don't want to do anything. I've been keeping up a brave face for the kids but inside I'm heartbroken. Not only did I lose my husband but a family that fully accepted and loved my kids. His mother won't take phone calls from the kids or me anymore. The kids blame me because their dad has told them that I'm a bad wife.
Posted 11/28/2013 11:12 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Angelic_Victory,

I'm really sorry that you are going through this tough situation at the moment. I felt the need to log on and reply, since I just read your post.

I really hope that things pick up for you soon. I can see how difficult it must be. I'm sorry we haven't spoken much before, it's nice to meet you :)

 

 

Posted 11/28/2013 11:22 PM (GMT 0)
AV- what a low down piece of crap he is! Telling the kids that you were a bad wife...... Seriously? This guy more than pisses me off.

Don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth. You stand proud and show your children what an awesome, strong, confident woman you are!

Michele
Posted 11/28/2013 11:33 PM (GMT 0)

Hi AV.  I'm with Michelle.  It's way too easy to kick someone when they are down.  This guy is such a loser to do so.

Stay strong and keep fighting for yourself and your 2 kids.  I know how hard this is for you, but I promise you'll come out stronger.

Cass

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