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Depressed boyfriend: I don't know what to do anymore.

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Posted 12/17/2013 7:02 PM (GMT 0)
He has told me that all the therapists told him I am the blame and the biggest trigger to his depression. I do not get why I am the blame if he had those problems before I ccame along. I did not know he was depressed until around 7 months in the relationship. I didn't think therapists would blame someone else for one's problems.
Posted 12/17/2013 7:10 PM (GMT 0)
No they wouldn't, he is lying to you. I would rethink this relationship. Or tell him you don't want to be the blame anymore and leave, if he is going to insist on lying about it. I am sorry for what you are dealing with. Take care, think of yourself now. You are better off without that type of person in your life.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 12/17/2013 7:13 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with Karen. He is lying to you. Therapists teach you how to cope and handle your depression. They don't let you skate by and take no responsibility by blaming your support group.

At this point, I think a relationship with him would be unhealthy for you. Tell him that until you see a change him that you can't put yourself out for more emotional abuse. That is what he's doing to you. He knows you're kind and want to help so he is emotionally abusing you. Don't be his victim anymore.
Posted 12/17/2013 7:27 PM (GMT 0)
This is ridiculous!! I believe he is bipolar, or SOMETHING. I don't know, but you're absolutely right. I have already told him there are boundaries this time, but I'm not going to take his emotional abuse. Even though none of his words seem to hurt me at all, it is weird. So I did not see it as abuse until something was said.
Posted 12/18/2013 12:41 AM (GMT 0)
I believe he is just mad at me for calling EMS, and will get over it soon after it all calms down. But this is just ridiculous. I am stuck in between leaving him and not leaving. I still love him a lot.
Posted 12/18/2013 2:14 AM (GMT 0)
Only you can make these types of decisions. You may love him, but that doesn't mean you will be able to live with somebody who blames you for their problems. It is juvenile. Immature...
Posted 12/19/2013 8:11 PM (GMT 0)
Hey guys, sorry I haven't posted in a few days but I had an accident and now back from the hospital! But here's an update.

I found out through his mother that my ex's has schizophrenia! He isn't even getting medication for it because he refuses to. The voices are telling him it is poison and that they are telling him hateful and mean comments. Also, blaming me, telling him I am the reason why they are there. I don't know what to do! I know its not my fault he has this complicted disorder. I am sure it's genetic. His voices are telling him "to save them" and to hate everyone around them!
Posted 12/19/2013 8:50 PM (GMT 0)
Printedparadise,

Carl has some very good points.

We should never give away our mental health to anyone. Especially to those that do not deserve our smallest efforts.

Please practice self-compassion and take care of yourself.

Peace and courage
Trina
Posted 12/19/2013 8:59 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with all of the above. Schizophrenia is very serious business, especially if he hears voices. He needs treatment and that is on his mother to get help with. You are not this man's keeper, in fact he has done a good job of showing why you need to be away from him. Your safety must come first!

Don't let him in your head. Block his number and move on. I know you care and that is commendable but in a very important way mental health is similar to addiction. We have to want help to get helped. So, mourn the loss of what may have been and then let it go. Save your heart for someone who will appreciate it.
Posted 12/19/2013 9:12 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Sweetie,

I am truly sorry about this diagnosis. But at least you know what is going on. My mother was a schizophrenic. She did okay when she took her medications. But she didn't always do that. Living with her and growing up was pure hell. I know you care about him. But until he gets on his medications and goes to therapy, the road will be very bumpy. My mother was also bipolar, called manic depressive back then. She was very moody, blamed everything on everybody else, she was hateful and manipulative. Very jealous. It was hard to be around her and I didn't have a choice. You have a choice. You can be friends, or love from afar. But know being close is going to be an uphill battle. But this is your choice. And I am not saying it isn't possible to have a good life with him. You got to have tough skin though.

I hope things work out for the best. Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 12/22/2013 3:22 PM (GMT 0)
hello, and nice to meet you.

We're kinda in the same situation, but in a different condition. My bf is depressed, bipolar, and schizophrenic, so suicidal thoughts often occur in his days. I'm almost a year with him too :)

Well, my response is that, give him time, sometimes, a depressed person needs time (no matter how long it takes) to calm himself and everything that runs in his mind. If he still didn't talk to you, it can be that he still doesn't want you to worry much or he still doesn't know what to talk. Do you know that he has suicidal thoughts before you start your relationship with him? Or do you know that maybe, previously, he had a trauma so he had those thoughts?

If he's calmed down, or maybe give you some news, try to have a heart-to-heart talk, what causes those thoughts and find ways to resolve it together. If you both really love each other, believe me, there's a way. :)
Posted 12/26/2013 4:41 AM (GMT 0)
Hello everyone and Merry Christmas!

Again, sorry for not updating for a while!

He has finally calmed dowm and we spoke about some things about our relationship. He is gettin. medication for his schizophrenia and depression, however, his therapists/psychatrists are thinking about placing him in some residential for a few years due to his unstable mind. Are they allowed to do this? I'm just really confused about this whole thing. Also, they are making him go back to the hospital days at a time then coming back home. I just want some input about this. I'm not exactly sure what he does there, but I will miss him if he gets into that home. But I decided that its time for me to move on.
Posted 12/26/2013 10:44 AM (GMT 0)
It sounds like he is getting some serious therapy or something. Try to go with the flow of things. Things may get out of your control but that is okay too. He has to work on him.

I hope that the two of you work things out and that you can both be happy.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 12/26/2013 6:29 PM (GMT 0)
I'm glad he is getting therapy. But for him to go away for 4 years? I have never mentioned this, but I should now, but I am 16. He is 16 as well. 18 is the age of consent in my state, so I would assume he'd be able to leave once he turns 18. I'm not even sure where he's going. He is already getting his medication and is getting better, so I'm not quite sure why they're going to keep him wherever for 4 years.
Posted 12/26/2013 6:37 PM (GMT 0)
I don't understand why he would go somewhere for four years. Unless he got into trouble and being he is 16 he may be being put into a group home or something instead of jail. Has he been in any serious trouble breaking the law or anything??? Sounds like there is a lot you don't know about this guy. Maybe it would be better if you were to go on with your life, you can't possibly be planning to wait are you?

Not that it is a bad thing, but I think you need to live your life...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 12/27/2013 12:52 AM (GMT 0)
No, I have spoken with his mother again. He didn't get in trouble, and she also has no idea about the 4-year thing. He probably misunderstood about something. Apparently, she signed her rights over, because she doesn't know how to properly care for him. He believes he is trapped with the police and hospital "forever," and even after he turns 18 he can't do anything. He doesn't see a very bright future for himself at the moment. I know that must be very confusing for him. And it doesn't help that he has to constantly go back to the hospital all the time .

Post Edited (printedparadise) : 12/26/2013 6:10:59 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 12/27/2013 2:53 AM (GMT 0)
That is sad. But it doesn't mean he wont get better and have a future. Maybe he will get properly medicated and feel better. Can you have contact with him through mail or anything like that? Maybe you can write him or email him to keep his spirits up. To give him hope... Though don't think of it as a responsibility, only do that if you want to. If they allow it. Hang in there, but in the meantime, take care of yourself. That is really important.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 12/28/2013 12:45 AM (GMT 0)
He has been approved in 5-10 years in a residential home because he is in critical condition. His therapists won't allow me to talk to him. Theyre convinced I'm the trigger to his schizophrenia . Ridiculous..
Posted 12/28/2013 1:11 AM (GMT 0)
I don't think that they think you are the trigger. It must be some rules or something, I think he is in deeper than you know...

Take care of you now... You have a lot of learning to continue doing in school. You have a future to think about.

Maybe seeing a counselor would help you. You could use a little direction and some support.

Hang in there,

Hugs, Karen...
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