I just need some support,my partner ended our wonderful relationship as he left the country.

Hello.
Im feeling pretty low Im doing my best to stay strong but I feel empty inside. I have never dealt with the situation of someone who is depressed before and in denial of it or knows they are but keeps running from it.they have come into my life and opened my heart then disappeared leaving me torn apart.

I had been with my guy for 15 months and he was the most amazing man i have ever met, romantic, kind, confident,loving,and proud of me being his girlfriend.
Everything was fantastic, he told me my family our friends and his family that he wouldn't hurt me and would never let me down, he told me I was good for him and that he never saw himself with anyone else. Everyone who new him saw a massive change in his personality and even thanked me for bringing himback to the man he was.

We both love to travel and he usually goes for 6 to 8 months of the year, I totally accept this which is what attracted me to him and he felt I was his soul mate because I can let him go...but as it got closer to him leaving (he stayed 2 months longer to be with me) he started to change, pulling away, being quiet, moody aggressive, sleeping loads, putting on weight, feeling stressed, needing space, taking drugs, and drinking, he said he was emotional about leaving and his reasons for going were not the same as before as he ahd met me, he said he felt "a miss"
I heard all this but acted in the way I know now was not what he needed, sending demands about feeling neglected and wondering why he was wanting space from his girlfriend when he was about to leave the country, he also worked away from me 5 days a week and he stopped contacting me while at work also, so I only saw him once a week, from 3 days a week and lots of contact....I panicked and sent texts and questioned him. If I new then what I know now I wouldn't of, but the man I met would have handled all my questions so I felt I was able to be honest and talk it through.. How wrong I was, he was struggling and I saw him see me go from a confident woman to someone who was sad and hurt, it couldn't take what he had caused.

I know this was wrong and the weekend of him going I only saw him twice, he was very low and very distant, he didnt want me to call but he was going to south america for 6 months and he was my boyfriend, I rang him and he was agitated and different on the phone, he said I was the kindest and most considerate person he had ever met, know one had cared for him like I had, he wanted noone else but me but wants to be alone,he likes being alone, he said we need to go our separate ways and ended the conversation.
I have been through so many different stages over the last 2 months, was he using me, was he just bored, was this my fault, was I to clingy, why did he give everything make me trust then pull it away. Is he a narcissist type, does he have a drug addiction, split personality disorder.. Ive hit the bottom and Im coming back up stronger and more knowledgeable person and I look back at what happened and read the things he was saying and realise he suffers from depression, he takes drugs and alcohol to deal with the lows and he travels to hot country's alone to avoid it catching him up.

I love this man and I respect his way of life, I did write and he replied telling me he was sorry and Im amazing but he still felt it was best for him that we went separate ways.

i didnt push or fight this, I said he made me happy and not be sorry, I said he had so much to deal with before he left and I took it personally and sent demands which was wrong and I was sorry, he was put under pressure when he was only doing his best and his decision to go separate ways was the only choice to make and the right thing to do.. I then told him i was happy and making new plans, and it would be nice to hear how he is doing over there but I will leave it to him to contact me, no problems,, I ended the email happy and fun and just said, he is my friend and as long as he is happy that is all that is important to me.

I am not writing on here to say I love my boyfriend will he come back or what should I do, Know one can answer that and I also know what I need to do for myself and him.. I know he needs space, I know if he does I will not ever push him away, I will support him and care for him,if he dosnt I will do what Im doing now and be thankful for the time we did share and move forward..

why I am here is because I am feeling incredibly sad, I am missing my wonderful man and friend, I feel empty but I have to keep going.. I just need someone who may understand how I feel or just read my letter.. I have come off all social networking because I dont want him to think I am being fake, and I cant put myself through seeing him being so happy and free and loving life which is what he started putting the day he arrived, he logs his journeys on them and normally we write all the time about what he is up to, I cant even look. I need to leave him to cope his way. his sudden burst of happiness was painful for me to see, but I am glad for him if his depression has lifted..
Im keeping busy and trying to move on, I have to think its over and be strong for myself but its so hard, it feels like someone has died..he is the most amazing person who showed me how I should be treated, and I am greatful for that, but feel so sorry for him having to live this life because its such a terrible illness.. hes got it right, by travelling all the time, but its still so sad he cant be with anyone because he obviously cant cope with being close to people because its to stressful. Hes 37 and the most incredible person who made a huge impact on my life, but the only thing I can do for him to help him is let him go.

thank you for listening..

hello,

Thank you, it really helps just to hear kind words, people with depression need to be alone, but the people left hurting need people because they feel so alone.

Im getting there, and hope he is happy, Im sad I couldn't give him what he needed but i also understand what people with depression need is noone.

I know I have learnt alot about myself through this process, and in time you are right things usually do work out.

thanks you for reply, i feel better for someone to just take time to hear me. x

Lily,

do you know for sure that he was diagnosed with anything? Perhaps he is an alchololic, my mother was and it was always easier for her to land in the booze that to face seperations or emotional situations.

Either way; you can not help him from this hemisphere, you are doing the right thing by taking care of yourself and moving on.

You have learned a very valuable lesson in life. You have been shown how you would like to be treated by a partner and that will make it easier for you to find your actual soul mate. We all move in and out of peoples lives for a reason, you will know in your heart with peace when you find the landing place.

I wish you calm and strength in your journey
Peace
Trina

.... Oh he hasn't I don't think been diagnosed with anything, and when I asked him if he suffered with depression he was very annoyed and said stop analysing me.
I know from things he has said that he has stress issues, i also know from friends and family of his they were so happy he met me because he became the man they new and saw he was happy and hadn't been for a long time. I think the departure caused alot of this as he said Im reluctant to go as I have met you, but I still feel in time maybe it would still have surfaced, he also said that to me, i get moody and it hasn't surfaced before while Ive been with you..
All very sad and very confusing.. poor guy.

I hope he is working on his issues. I can kind of see what you are saying. It does sound like he is depressed.

Encourage him to get help in a way that isn't intrusive. He does probably want to be alone. Drinking alcohol isn't going to help his depression. It will only make it worse.

I hope he gets better soon.

Take care of you...

Hugs, Karen...

Hi Lily,

It sounds actually like he is using some good coping skills. Fake it till you make it as they say... Keeping a positive attitude helps a lot. And it sounds like he is trying to do that. Staying busy really helps too.

It also sounds like you have a good attitude and I think that is going to take you far...

I hope things do work out for the both of you. In the meantime keep taking care of you...

Hugs, Karen...

Hi Lily,

I thought I would check the forum once more before I go to bed. I get up really early so I retire early. I don't know how I got this sleeping pattern, well, I do, but that is besides the point I guess. I use to sleep all day and was up most of the night. But that changed, and I am rambling...

I really feel for you Lily. It is so terribly difficult watching our loved ones suffer, and then having them turn their backs on us when we want to help. But you are handling this well and by working on yourself, you are right, if he comes back, you will be strong and able to deal with whatever comes at you. One day at a time is the best way actually.

I do meditation and it helps me to stay calm. I find when I am calm, I actually have more energy and feel much better. It may help you too. It keeps us from thinking too much when we have a lot on our minds. I am not saying you need it, but it can't hurt. Especially when you are trying so hard to move forward. It gives us our niche. Or groove. I guess.

I like to be alone a lot too. But I know when it comes to the time where some interaction would be helpful. Hopefully he wont be completely alone. I truly hope he gets help with this. It is no fun fighting it alone.

Well, it is my time to go and rest. Thanks for chatting with me. Have a good night.

Hugs, Karen...

Lily,

I don't know if it is running away or coping. I kind of do the same thing. I ignore what is bothering me and move on to something else. Most of the time anyway. Life is so short. I hate to let the little problems get in the way. Though I could be running myself...

I have this feeling you two will remain friends no matter what happens. Though I could be very wrong... I think when things settle, he will get back ahold of you. But what do I know, it is just a sense I get from reading your posts.

I am glad you are going to help kids in South Africa. I think that this is a good distraction for you. And it is a kind and generous act. You will be rewarded for your good deeds.

Hang in there, I am glad you are feeling better. Keep posting as it really does help.

And if you start the meditation, know when you practice, you are actually doing it, so no matter what, it is going to help. Basically it is emptying your mind and relaxing. I focus on my muscles and relax from head to toe... By the time I get to my toes I am in a meditative state. It really helps to relieve the mind.

Good luck...

Hugs, Karen...

He could be a sociopath with that type of personality. It is hard to determine if it is a personality trait or depression. Most people with depression can get mean, but they usually aren't unfeeling. Usually people with depression are rather sensitive. There is a book called "the sociopath next door" that you might want to read. It explains a lot.

I hope that this helps. I am not really experienced with personality disorders.

Hugs, Karen...

PS I don't want to say he is a sociopath, but you might want to study on that and see if he fits. Narcicists (sp) are hard to deal with too. They are very selfish.

If I can ever return the favour of lending an ear for you, I may not be the best to give advice as you do but I can listen and give support if needed.

you have helped me so much more than I can say it is greatly appreciated..

sending positive thoughts and peace your way.x


lily

hi,

I never drank milk very much I don't now as I have a wheat,dairy and gluten intolerance, all very boring, Im naughty and eat the stuff sometimes as leaves can be dull, ha!

What is your condition, I am sorry i have heard of it before? I feel all the strong independent and fun loving people get struck down with many difficulties such as fatigue, depression, M.E insecurities, I know a few very successful people who have to give things up because they didn't pace themselves..

I had a little read about sociopaths and I thought as we do if good souls, was it me that was one and I caused this??? So hearing you say that gives me confidence, we always blame ourselves.. and we doubt ourselves all to often..

I will have a look at fibomyalgia so I have more understanding of what you have to cope with,i hope your scan goes ok, things like that are always worrying.I will be thinking of you..

I am looking forward to going to help these kids it will be great fun, I look after the elderly and terminally ill peoples pets so they have peace of mind knowing they dont have to give them to a new home if they need rest bite, its great having temp doggies to walk and hug..

I want to head to Bali and Thailand too to help there, but I cant do it all in one go.

I think I will have a look and see if anyone is as confused as me maybe we can all offer support, I always feel a bit worried incase I make them worse.

good luck Karen today.

I do have a lot of support. My husband is a very understanding man. It really helps.

I have medications to help me, pain pills, sleeping pills and adderall for the day so I have energy to make it through. I also take antidepressants, mood stabilizer and xanax for anxiety. So I have everything pretty much going for me as I go through this. I also moderate on the fibromyalgia forum, though I am here more.

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. In no way are you to blame for his illness. And remember only he can make it better by getting help. You can support him though. I hope he contacts you and that things can get like they were before.

Take care my dear. I have to get ready to go to town now.

Have a good day...

Hugs, Karen....