left by depressed partner (shorter repost)

Hi there, I am reposting a shorter version of something I posted a week ago. I appreciate you taking the time to look at this and for your support.

I am basically just looking for some moral support. I have battled my own bouts of depression on and off for years. I had reached a very good place in my life through a lot of hard work. Another big part of my life and feeling better was when I met my now ex a few years ago. Due to my depression and social anxiety, I have trouble feeling like I can really connect to and relate to other people on a deeper level. When I met him there was an instant connection between us. I was doing really well at the time while he was still dealing with a fair amount of depression, but I was always nurturing and supportive of him.

Things got complicated, he pulled away because of his depression for awhile but I was patient. Neither of us saw anyone else and then we ended up getting back together when he was in a better place. I thought things were going well. I really feel like we are cut from the same cloth, no one has "gotten" me like him, and I have never felt so comfortable with someone. We are so alike in so many ways, enjoy the same things, thoroughly enjoy each other's company, like each other's personalities, are physically attracted to each other, have great chemistry, miss each other when we're not together (it was a little bit of a LDR), etc. All great, healthy things.

Seemingly out of the blue, after months of being together and things going smoothly, he told me that despite all of this he was just not feeling a high enough infatuation towards me or the relationship. He said at first he thought it might be his depression but now does not. I really think it may be a part of it though, as he says he only ever feels alive during dangerous situations when he gets an adrenaline rush, so I would say not feeling an addictive/ obsessive rush from infatuation would be similar to this. I honestly did not feel this kind of schoolgirl infatuation for him either, but I thought that was healthy as in growing up I have come to understand that infatuation is an obsessive and fleeting feeling and not real love. I felt a much deeper care for him with a slow-growing true love that developed over time, and I thought that was what he was feeling for me, too.

Now he claims he was just going along with this the whole time, and was hoping and waiting to feel more but never did. I am completely heartbroken and never saw this coming. I have been so patient and loving and he has pulled away again, this time saying it's never going to happen. I'm sure he probably feels bad about hurting me but it is really hard. I feel like I have lost my best friend. I'm trying to tell myself in the end this will be a blessing in disguise, as he may have pulled away like this much further down the road when things were even more serious, but right now I am feeling completely devastated and extremely depressed. I have not connected with anyone like this in many years. Anyway just looking foe support from others out there going through depression due to heartbreak and/or being left by a depressed partner who doesn't seem to feel love for his/her partner.

Thanks for taking the time to read this and to consider writing a thoughtful, non-judgmental response.

Thank you for sharing your story and your thoughts. I am so sorry to hear what you've been going through too, but it is nice to feel less alone in all of this. I wish you well too during this difficult time. I send my best out to you.