Posted 2/26/2014 1:53 AM (GMT 0)
I just recently got back from the hospital. I was admitted due to my depression.
I am currently in the early stages of recovery. my stay at the hospital was well needed, and I am very happy I went because if I did not, I would have given into my thoughts. anyways, I am not sharing for sympathy - I hate attention and I hate people feeling sorry for me, I am sharing because I have learned so much while there. I met some very amazing people, three of which I am still in contact with. Being in the hospital gave me time away from the outside world and time to myself, to explore and figure myself out. I got to hear so many life stories from every patient. although I was the youngest there, I was able to talk to them as if there was no age difference. the environment was friendly ; you were able to walk right up to anyone and talk like you've known each other for ages. I saw so much beauty in every one - so much beauty within myself as well. We had a yoga instructor come in , and I remember during one session, it was so emotional, because we were all becoming intact with ourselves. It was the first time I actually felt like I was inside my body and it was absolutely AMAZING. I have often been one to keep my eyes straight ahead instead of exploring my surroundings - my depression has robbed me of who I once was. and time to time I would realize how ive been missing the simple pleasures in life, like sitting down and enjoying a cup of coffee - actually being in that moment, intact with my body. It was a slap in the face for me. Nature's silent ways of saying "this is why life is worth living." I yearn to be whole again - to be intact with my body, not feeling as if my mind and soul has vanished to a different universe. my heart for too long, has been beating just to get by another day , and stopped beating to live. I am still extremely depressed, sometimes I believe I will forever be suicidal, because my brain unfortunately has a chemical imbalance. My mind is an on going war. I know that medicine is only used as a booster because you have to work at being okay too, its a 50/50 job. I wish it was "a pill away from happiness" but that is far from true, your pill only goes so far and the rest is up to you. Although I want to give into my thoughts every. single. second. I am going to fight. I am going to fight because this world has so much beauty to offer, just look at the sky, and keep holding on. its a struggle, but all of us who are suffering will make it out stronger than they once were, we will all come out of this new people, with eyes open to all beauty, we will win this fight.