Girlfriend is Depressed and Leaving!

Hello,

I have read dozens of posts since this morning about relationships falling apart because of depression as my girlfriend is on the brink of leaving me.
I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years, I was not aware of her depression and self harm before we started going out but she told me pretty soon into our relationship and I expressed my concern but told her that I will always be here for her and would do anything to make her feel comfortable.
about half a year into our relationship, she needed to move away because of her university degree and I offered and expressed my wish to move with her. So within a week I moved out of the house where I lived with my best friend, I got a job transfer and we moved to a new city, which she told me can be a very stressful time for her, but I told her that what ever she was feeling is natural and just do what makes her happy. We lived in a flat share just to make sure the relationship wasn't too intense from the get go and it was rough to begin with but it soon was clear we were happy and it was the right decision. So we lived together for about a year and everything was perfect, she stopped cutting herself completely and was happy, even bought a dog together who lives with me now. Then I needed to move back home due to the continuation of my own studies. She continued to stay in the flat to finish her degree but she soon got a job in a new city and moved there. For about 5 months now, it has been tough as we live about 200 miles apart but we talk on the phone skype and try and see each other at least every two weeks.
On the side note, since the beginning of our relationship she has been having back problems and had surgery about a month ago.
Lately her mood has been getting worse, not the point that she crys and screams at me but she is distant, dosnt like me touching her and says she feels pressure doing stuff a girlfriend is supposed to do.
So returning home last weekend, after spending it with her celebrating our two year anniversary, I get a text, whilst I was still on the train, that she thinks she wants to leave me as she cant be happy with me unless she can get happy with herself.
I have expressed countless times that I dont need any special girlfriend treatment until she feels better, but she says she is scared as she feels too dependant on me to be happy. She still goes out with her friends and family with no problem and I am happy for her so I dont see why this is an issue.
She used to tell how how bad her depression used to be and I have told her that I would never leave her and and no matter how she feels I would always be by her side. I might not have depression but I need her just as much as she seems to need me, but it makes me happy that I have found someone like her rather than put me in a state of panic.
So for the last 4 days several txts and emails have been going back and forth, me trying to convince her that it doesn't have to be over and just to take some time to relax and get her head sorted, and she has not definitely ended it yet, only saying she should be alone and that it will happen, so I do hope there is still a chance.
I dont know what else to do, I love her very much and the way I see it, her past, including her depression, makes up the person I love so to me, this situation is not an issue and I can and will work through this.
She is on medication but as far as I know hasnt seen anyone since she moved into her new place.
We are only in our early twenties so she might think its too intense but then she says thing like she loves me and doesnt want to be without me.

Thanks for listening and your help!

I didnt know how else to put it but I didnt mean it in any negative or obligatory way on her part. I obviously dont expect her to do anything she dosnt want to, but by the sounds of things she thinks she needs too in order for me to happy, which isnt the case in the slightest.
Since the beginning of our relationship intimacy has been difficult for her but is has gotten worse but I have expressed my feeling from the beginning that i love her the way she is and dont want her to do anything she dosnt feel comfortable doing. So obviously there is no duty I feel she has to abide to at all, quite the opposite.
I know it takes a long time and I have told her that I wont be going anywhere and she can take as long as she needs but I still think she can only do it if she completely shuts me out.
Nothing else I can do I guess but wait and see what we come up with over the next few days.

Thanks for the reply.

Well I am 3 months aways form completing my Masters so focusing on my work at the moment is out of the question due to my situation but if we dont work this out and she does decide to leave I plan on finishing and going as far away as possible.
I have had a bad break up before and the only way I can deal with it, is if I break off any contact that is possible. And that is one of the reasons I want her to at least give it some time because I know once its over I cannot bring myself to be by her side without feeling completely lost in limbo.

I am fine, thats the whole problem I am having. Apart from the break up, our relationship has no negative impact on me, as I know thats just who she is and I have accepted that this is the person I love. We both have plenty of friends we regularly see and supportive families hence why cannot seem to understand her thinking process that lead to her decision.

Hey BitBoy,
All I can say is follow your heart. If you think she's really truly The One and you could seriously feel that you guys are gonna get married and have a family and all those kinda stuff then go for it. But if you yourself aren't sure about this, about you two then take a break. It all just goes to you two on this. What does your heart really tells you ? Is she really worth the fight ? Is she worth the chase ? If so, try your best on getting back with her again and better then ever. But if not, then you should just move on and really concentrate on your Masters.
The decision is in your hand and yours only. Choose your path wisely. Never regret on what you chose because it's not gonna fix anything so consider this carefully.
I wish you with the best luck (:

Joanne

Yea there might be but i told myself that after my last relationship and then i met her.
She says she feels lonely and scared and yet still wants to be alone, I cant just let her go through this by herself.

Yes i do accept that but like I said she has not yet said she wants me to leave her alone even though I have specifically asked so we can move on, hence my confusion.
The messages i have sent her initially have been messages of desperation and panic obviously, but since then, i like to think, they have been considerate and in no way shape or form begging her to stay with me, rather just trying to understand her thought process and then replying with my own thoughts and emotions and to present her with possible options.
I feel like I am starting to sound like some kind of creep or stalker which isn't helping this situation, so again thank you for your time and advice.

"The messages i have sent her initially have been messages of desperation and panic obviously, but since then, i like to think, they have been considerate and in no way shape or form begging her to stay with me, rather just trying to understand her thought process and then replying with my own thoughts and emotions and to present her with possible options."

Break-ups are hard, for everyone. And it hurts, each and every time. Sometimes, there isn't clear closure. The path forward develops slowly, over time.

One of the things I get a little upset with is being pushed, or nagged. I really try to not nag my partner, even when something he does or something in my life is causing anxiety. I force myself to wait a period of time before bringing it up, again. Sometimes, you cannot have the same conversation all over again, when you just had it four hours ago.

So, my point being is that while you feel you are being supportive, perhaps her perception is that you are pressuring her for action of some sort, both in her depression and your relationship.

Obviously there is if she says she still loves you. But I think you are over thinking this situation. Quit questioning everything and go on with things in your life. That is if you choose to wait for her. That is your choice. You have to make that decision. That is really all you can do at this point. If you meet somebody else in the meantime, well, so be it. If you fall in love with somebody else (and that is possible) then it is what it is. Don't worry so much. Take it one day at a time. Things will work out the way that they are meant to be.

Again, your choice really.

If I were you tho, I wouldn't hang around and think about it anymore. What I'd do is get myself a day off of everything and concentrate on what I'm doing (your degree) the next day.
She might change her mind but she might not. Consider the 'not'. And if she didn't, you'll be happy with yourself that you moved on long ago.

Joanne