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Posted 8/11/2005 2:50 PM (GMT 0)
Hello all,i've been looking for a forum that i can relate to in respect to depression.I'm in my 30's and though i've always had a case of depression it getting more and more pronounced as i get older.a major problem with me is i self medicate(mostly alcohol)and it get's worse and worse every year.I have a job but dread it and have lost most of my motivation in life.
I'm getting near the giving up stage,that i never fully arrived and probably will not at this point.so i drink in despair hoping to bring relief,but it only brings more problems.....but i can't seem to stop.anyway that is another issue,I'm depressed and am trying to hold on to a job and normality but my grip is slipping.I'm on welbutrin right now and though it has helped the depression is still there.I often hate my life and what i've done with it,and it looks pretty dim as to a big improvement or turnaround happening.my youth was squandered and now i feel like the best parts of me have gone with it.so i drink in despair wishing i could do this life thing all over again....if only.
Posted 8/11/2005 3:24 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Pendragon -

First of all ((Hugs))!! I fortunately do not suffer severe depression. I suffer severe panic/anxiety and mild depression. But, I know all too well about depression because my Dad has it, his mother had it, and some of my in-laws have it. So I do know how you feel, because even though I suffer mild/mediocre depression - I do too get real depressed somedays.

You say you self-medicate. Do you have yourself on the Welbutrin or is that prescribed to you by a doctor? The reason I ask is, Ive heard! I dont know of course --but, that you can order meds over the internet!!!! I dont know though - Ive never looked into it myself.

Ill assume you're going to a doctor for the wellbutrin -since this is the more popular option. I would let him/her know that you do feel a difference somewhat - but that it is still there and everything you've told us. There are so many medicines out there!!! They can put you on something better suited for your body chemistry or even tweek the dosage of welbutrin possibly!

You dont have to live feeling this way--inform your doctor and Im sure they'll help switch something around--Ive been on several kinds to find the "right one". I know from personal experience - it never completely goes away *usually*, but it becomes manageable - where maybe you just have "down time".... and often these days/times are spaced well apart that your life isnt always in the dumps.

I fear the alcohol is no good for your situation. Maybe you know this, maybe not. But- my friend was (well is) an alcoholic. He hasnt had a drink in a long time - very long, but when he did he was much more depressed - as alcohol is a depressant. So you're taking an anti-depressant, but almost defeating that by drinking A depressant! See what I mean? I know its hard...... but, there are AA meetings and what not to help.

Take Care and If you need to talk-feel free!
Posted 8/11/2005 4:44 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome to our little community. The great thing I read in your post is recognition. I know that I can not make the changes necessary unless I know what they are. If alcohol is contributing to deepening your depression, then search out ways to help you cope with life without drinking. AA is a tremendous resource that has help many people in your similar circumstances. The only other think I would like to add is look only for today. If I spend too much time dwelling on the mistakes of the past, I loose all aspects of hope. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is yet to be, but I can influence who and what I am today. Good luck and I hope you find the answers you are looking for.
Posted 8/11/2005 5:41 PM (GMT 0)
well thanks for the reply's.and ofcourse the easy answer would be...ok stop drinking thru the help of AA.Well i have great respect for aa and have tried it,but i still drink and am still depressed.
Posted 8/11/2005 8:12 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome Pendragen!!

Glad you found us! Just want to welcome you to the forum and I hope you'll be posting often. It appears that you alreay know what you need to do, but are getting up the momentum to do it. Good for you sis!! As others have said, every journey begins with one step. If we fall down, we get up and try again.

Keep us posted . . . lots of people deal with a similar problem and they just don't post it here. So your willingness to post a difficult time in your life will enourage many who don't post here!! Thanks for your honesty sis.

P.S. I hope that you have shared with your doctor that fact that you are currently dependant on alcohol . . . it would make a huge difference in the type of anti-d and other meds that he would prescribe for you. . . and will ultimately be one more step forward for you.

Blessings!
Posted 8/12/2005 10:11 PM (GMT 0)

yeah  Hi, newbee,

Sometimes I feel so bad for people such as yourself that I want to reach into my PC and grab and hug them and tell them it will be OK. Unfortunately, that is easier said than done, so I can show you I care by telling you that I think in one time or another we have all had feelings of hopelessness and despare. A feeling of uselessness. I feel that way myself because I am disabled and my husband does everything for me, thank the good Lord. Ergo, I consider myself blessed. Life is just hard and when we don't have the support we need it makes it even harder. You have that support here and I know I can speak for everyone that kindness is the key to caring. You will find kindness and caring here as well. Hold on to your faith and read some of the past posts and perhaps they can give you comfort. I look forward to hearing from you often.

God bless

Sue

AKA, "Lefty"

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